DD wants to dress immodestly

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ekblad7

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My oldest daughter is 7 1/2 years old. We homeschool and have from day one. We don’t have cable, don’t listen to pop music, are very, very choosey on movies etc that the kids watch. Somehow she still wants to leave the house in belly shirts and short skirts (which I obviously do NOT allow). I don’t buy her these types of clothes so she wears her sister’s (who is 3 years younger than she is) so that the size is too small. It’s driving me absolutely crazy. I do not dress like that nor does anyone that I am around. I’m sick of fighting with her everyday about clothes. HELP!
 
Remember, you are the parent. This problem can be solved with a little tought love. A good attention getter on the back end :crying: will help her obey you.
 
ekblad,

first of all, it’s going to be fall and winter soon, and belly shirts won’t feel so great!! 🙂 don’t worry!

do you think your daughter loves the fact that it annoys you so much? she may just be testing boundaries and loving the feeling of her independence.

secondly, she is only 7.5. her sister must be around 4. since you’re the parent and you don’t want her wearing (and probably stretching out) her little sister’s clothing, that should be the end of the story. it’s not that hard to bar access to the clothing itself. put it on the top shelf of her closet, stick those baby locks on cabinet doors, etc. if she disobeys you, consequences are in order.

another option, if you don’t really care about the younger one’s clothing being stretched out, etc., would be to make a certain number of items available for “dress up” purposes–to be only “played” in her room, alone, for a restricted time period. this could also be a privilege she loses when she misbehaves, etc. sometimes when kids are suddenly allowed to do something they’ve been begging to do for so long, it’s just not quite as gratifying as they’ve built it up in their minds to be. waltzing around her room in a too-small teeshirt with her seven-year-old tummy hanging out won’t be that much fun if Mommy isn’t around to give her the negative attention she is so desperately craving! 🙂

behavior falls into four categories: sensory (meaning it feels good to our bodies in one way or another), task avoidance (refusal to do something required of us), control (over a person or situation) and attention (both good and bad). in my estimation, it sounds like she enjoys the attention she receives for either a) wearing the clothes or b) WANTING to wear the clothes. she probably also feels a certain sense of control for getting a rise out of you whenever she requests to wear that sort of clothing.

as a crazy side note, there could actually be a sensory reason–some children, as well as adults, have sensory system issues and are underreactive to stimulus. she could be craving the deep pressure that small, tight-fitting clothing allows her, making her feel more alert. **** i only bring this up because of my history working with special needs children, but many “typical” kids have sensory issues, too. if you actually suspect that is the case, and she isn’t seeking attention or looking to control the situation, then there are certain types of therapies and strategies for helping her feel more regulated without wearing belly shirts 😉

oh, and btw…if she IS craving that much attention through negative means…it is time to spend some one-on-one time with her! and help her see all the positive ways she can get Mommy’s attention–for good behavior, etc. 🙂
Abby
 
7 and a half year old? She’s at that little rebel stage, fortunetly not as scary as the teenage rebellion stage. 🙂 (I just left it, and I have two sisters in it)

I remember wanting to be a teenager when I was 7, sounds so funny now, but I wanted to wear a bra, makeup, look ‘grown up’… Kids want to imitate those they look up to, right? She doesn’t want to wear short skirts to be ‘cool’ or attract boys. She’s just curious, and because you don’t want her to wear the clothing, she of course wants to wear them even more!

I know it’s not always possible, but if she mentions she likes a particular shirt, that’s modest and appropriate, maybe get it for her, encourage her to wear pretty, feminine and modest clothing.

And tell her you don’t allow it. Take away privileges! Sounds harsh, but she’ll figure out soon that wearing a shirt that actually reaches her pants isn’t that bad. 🙂

Good luck!! and God bless!
 
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ekblad7:
My oldest daughter is 7 1/2 years old. We homeschool and have from day one. We don’t have cable, don’t listen to pop music, are very, very choosey on movies etc that the kids watch. Somehow she still wants to leave the house in belly shirts and short
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This is very odd to have this problem with one so young, especially since you homeschool etc. But the world is a very stong pull, I’m thinking that she wants to be accepted by the world and is yearning to be out there and resenting being at home (of course this is only my guess) but she is only 7 1/2 and you are still the mom and keep in mind if you are having a problem like this now … heaven help you through the teen years. Turn to the Saints for help - St. Philomena, St. Maria Goretti are both excellent examples of purity - stress that purity is exemplied in the way we dress. A love for Our Blessed Mother, note how much we hurt her when we are not pure and of course that is what we are doing when we don’t dress properly.

"We praise thee Philomena blessed martyr and blessed maid
that Christ through thee works wonders we come to thee for aid
White rose as sweetest fragrance, glowing with charity and white with lily whiteness all angels purity.

All Hail St. Philomena, the virgin of Our Lord, help us to love and praise Him and make His name adored"
 
Amy-

Any chance that you could take her shopping for a couple of new outfits, just you and her? You could have a talk on the way about modest but pretty clothes (do you know any girls just a bit older who dress pretty but modestly that you could discuss "looking up to).

I do think that she needs to stop wearing her sister’s clothes, but, you know me, I don’t think a spanking is the answer. I would probably just tell her that she can’t wear her sister’s clothes at all, and that if she needs more clothes you’ll take her shopping.

Maybe if you can make a day of taking her out to buy a couple of pretty/modest outfits, she’ll be more likely to wear them.

Patty
PS- I don’t think she is heading for being lots of trouble as a teen b/c of this either, remember- she IS a good kid and this too shall pass 🙂
 
She is 7. I think she would be old enough for the “nice girls don’t dress that way” talk. Basic modesty things.

There is also the “we do not go out of the house looking that way” so until you change into something decent we aren’t leaving.

-D
 
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darcee:
She is 7. I think she would be old enough for the “nice girls don’t dress that way” talk. Basic modesty things.

There is also the “we do not go out of the house looking that way” so until you change into something decent we aren’t leaving.

-D
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Nice advice, Darcee. I agree. It’s not her choice in the end. But of course, I am realizing this also as I raise my strongwilled 8yr. old son (no he doesn’t want to wear immodest tee’s).

It’s more the peer pressure of X-Box and playstation games and PG-13 movies. Ya know, all the kids in my class saw that movie , kind of behavior.

Be the parent, not the bud.
 
I think you’re being confused by the clothing. The issue isn’t that she’s wearing her sister’s clothes, the issue is that she’s doing something after you specifically told her not to.

You did tell her, right?

So treat it the way you would treat any other openly defiant act.
 
A sense of humor doesn’t hurt, either. Don’t take her too seriously… which is not to say don’t keep her in line. Just don’t let her yank your chain. When she wants to leave the house with her belly showing, use the same “oh, c’mon” tone of voice you would if she were ready to go out in just her underwear.
 
Interesting… I’ve never heard of stuff like that…espcially at that age and homeschooling. Do you know where she got the idea? Getting to the root of the problem always helps. If she saw a comercial on tv or from a book or something, you could tell her that not what everyone does is correct, and that people make mistakes, but that does not mean she needs to do what they do. ect.:hmmm:
 
You may try explaining to her that the Lord prizes modesty, and that if you allowed her to dress that way you would be displeasing our Lord as well as she.
 
Thanks everyone! I forgot to subscribe to the thread and didn’t realize there were replies! Anyway, what really confuses me about her is that she loves to read books like “Everyday Graces”, “The Princess and the Kiss” things like that. I do punish her if she tries to sneak out of the house dressed inappropriately. Ugh. Why is this so hard for me? I never wanted to dress that way when I was a kid (or adult). I was even embaressed that my arms had hair on them and wore long sleeved shirts all year round LOL. Anyway, I’m really going to work on this with her. My oldest (a boy that’s 12) freaks out about this daily. He is very, very conservative and it drives him nuts when she wants to dress immodestly. She looks up to and respects him so much and he is usually the one to get her to change her clothes (without a fight). She isn’t allowed to wear her sister’s clothes and I’ve made that quite clear. Her new thing is coming home from friend’s houses with “borrowed” shirts and/or pants. That really grinds me and I’ve told her if she continues to do it she can’t go anywhere.

Anyway, thanks again and God Bless!
 
I wonder if the conflict is over who is in charge rather than the clothing. Is she testing your limits and authority?
 
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ekblad7:
My oldest (a boy that’s 12) freaks out about this daily. He is very, very conservative and it drives him nuts when she wants to dress immodestly. She looks up to and respects him so much and he is usually the one to get her to change her clothes (without a fight).
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While you want her to listen to you, of course, it is great to have a son like this. Having an older sibling with a sense of responsibility for the young ones is a great blessing. If only more husbands and fathers would act as your 12 year old son - a steward of the ladies in his life (No shot at your husband here, I’m sure he’s great). He reminds me of St. Joseph; You should be proud.

Hopefully he is doing this out of a sincere care for his sister, not some authoritarian trip.
 
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Mandi:
This is very odd to have this problem with one so young, especially since you homeschool etc. But the world is a very stong pull, I’m thinking that she wants to be accepted by the world and is yearning to be out there and resenting being at home (of course this is only my guess) but she is only 7 1/2 and you are still the mom and keep in mind if you are having a problem like this now … heaven help you through the teen years. Turn to the Saints for help - St. Philomena, St. Maria Goretti are both excellent examples of purity - stress that purity is exemplied in the way we dress. A love for Our Blessed Mother, note how much we hurt her when we are not pure and of course that is what we are doing when we don’t dress properly.

"We praise thee Philomena blessed martyr and blessed maid
that Christ through thee works wonders we come to thee for aid
White rose as sweetest fragrance, glowing with charity and white with lily whiteness all angels purity.

All Hail St. Philomena, the virgin of Our Lord, help us to love and praise Him and make His name adored"
Click to expand...
 
I’m about to buy her a school uniform. Is that weird? She actually wants one! And it would end the fights for now. We watched The Sound of Music last night and she commented on how she liked a couple of Maria’s dresses and the girl’s dresses. All are very modest, of course. I just know if I bought her stuff like that she wouldn’t wear it, though.
 
So I bought her a school uniform to wear to church. She loves it so much she wants one for everyday! It’s so cute and modest. I’m very happy! Hope her interest lasts! 😃
 
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