Deadened Spiritual Life

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Elizastaci

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Hi everyone! I’m posting this because I’m not sure where else to go, frankly, and everyone here has been so nice and supportive to me previously.

I’m a college freshman, just turned 19. I’ve been Catholic all my life but fell away at age twelve and returned, feeling a pull, at age seventeen. I’ve been to Mass every week since.

My father is Catholic and goes to Mass every week. My mother and sister were Catholic once but haven’t been to Church in years…long stories there.

Anyway, here’s my problem: I don’t feel I have a relationship with God. I keep the Commandments, I attend Mass every week and recieve Confession often. All because of this pull I felt nearly two years ago that these were the “right” things to do.

But I feel so empty all the time. I go to Mass- there’s a great Catholic church across the street from my dorm- and feel nothing. I’m sitting there, aware that a miracle is taking place but thinking about hair products or homework. I don’t have a relationship with God really- I never pray on my own, I don’t know how.

So I don’t know God or what He wants from my life. I know I desperately want marriage and children, but not now, not at 19. I want a spirtual life but I’m just so lost. I know anything you could ask about Brad and Angelina- but God’s role in my life? I’m clueless. I’m going through the motions with no feelings inside. And this is not making me happy. It’s not how I want to be. Is all this telling me that I’m not supposed to be Catholic? I don’t want that to be true, I really don’t, But I just don’t know anything anymore.

Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks!
 
May God Bless you now as He has in the past. You are very blessed to be attending Mass each week…and the simple fact that you are questioning your feelings, or lack of them, shows that you are leading a spiritual life already. God wants us to be happy, but happiness is not always a “feeling”. It can come from the knowledge that we are doing His will…as you said by keeping the commandments and going to church on a regular basis. Maybe there is a Catholic Students club at your University, where you might become involved with others who are in the same situation you are in…Perhaps the Church you go to has a Student’s Group …you could ask around and find out. Do you go to Mass alone or do you have any Catholic friends who can share their faith journey with you?
Please know that I will pray for you …and also for my Granddaughter who is in college also, but has not been so filled with grace as you have…she does not go to church…only when she is home…I know how tough it is to grow up…so I will pray for you and for my “little girl”…God’s Blessings on you!
 
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Elizastaci:
. I don’t have a relationship with God really- I never pray on my own, I don’t know how.

!
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you just did, this post is a prayer.

Just say to God every morning and everynight what you just said here. Ask him, especially at Mass after communion, to bring you closer to him, to show you his will for your life, and to inrease your faith. Ask every day. It will come sooner than you think, they key is faithfulness–you are being faithful by contininuing what you know you “ought” to do even tho it seems to bring you no comfort. You have past the first “test” - fidelity and obedience. The second test is humility - admitting you need help. You just passed this test. God is preparing you to hear his call to you. Just be open, and ask him to speak: “Speak Lord, for your servant is listening”.

The OT and NT readings, esp the last 2 weeks, this week and time before Lent speak exactly to your state in life. Read and reread them and pray with them.
 
Hi,
I’m sitting there, aware that a miracle is taking place but thinking about hair products or homework. I don’t have a relationship with God really- I never pray on my own, I don’t know how.
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This might be the problem. First of all, I think it’s wonderful that you continue to go to mass despite feeling anything - you are DOING THE RIGHT THING! And that is hard to do when you don’t FEEL it! There are scores of materials you can read about perseverance in the midst of spiritual dryness - I think every saint there ever was experienced what you are experiencing.

That said, I would like to suggest to you building up a personal relationship with our Lord by spending intimate time with Him. Not that mass isn’t intimate - it certainly is, if not the most intimate - but I mean me-and-God-alone time, and sometimes mass, with all it’s activities, can actually be distracting. If you are finding praying on your own difficult, you could look for a chapel to visit in adoration for 1/2 hour to an hour each day if possible or at least 1 or 2 times a week. Even just visiting a church when there is no mass, to sit before the tabernacle and just have a 1 on 1 with Jesus is very beneficial. I’d also suggest getting to know how to pray the liturgy of the hours. It takes 15 to 20 minutes to read one of the hours and it has been an incredible blessing to me in my own dryness since I don’t have to think about what to pray - I simply read the psalms and canticle and prayers that are alreadly there - and they are very beautiful and uplifting. I use “Christian Prayer” for my breviary and I say morning prayer 1/2 hour before I get up in the morning - before anyone else is up so it’s very, very quiet - and use the extra 10 minutes left to just meditate on where I think God wants me to be that day. Even if you don’t take on reading the breviary, just making a 15minute appointment with God at the start of every day could really impact your entire day. You will probably find yourself looking back throughout the day at those ‘divine appointments’ and they will remind you of God’s presence which is incredibly consoling. This has been a fantastic remedy for me, and I cannot stress the importance of taking that time - no matter how little - every morning to get your day off on the right foot. And it isn’t even necessarily that I feel anything while I’m praying it (which I usually don’t), but how it affects my mindfulness of God’s presence throughout my day.
Making other little appointments with God throughout the day (it can be just for 2 minutes even) can also help return the mind to God and increase your mindfulness of His presence - hence the purpose of the Liturgy of the Hours in the first place! But you don’t even need to read the liturgy to be practicing this. It can be a short prayer like, ‘God, please make me aware of Your presence today’ or just going someplace quiet - just for a minute- and meditating for a few seconds on a holy image, a crucifix, anything.
I commend you for persevering in your faith amidst your spiritual dryness. A priest would tell you the same; keep on keeping on despite what you don’t feel, b/c God sometimes works His greatest in a person’s soul when the senses are unable to perceive Him! You are being blessed whether you feel it or not. You need not look anywhere else, except within, to find the God you so desperately desire to feel.
Godspeed, and much peace be with you!
~donna
 
I do not mean to be flip by saying this, but why not talk to God about the hair products and the homework? Preferably not at Mass, though! This kind of conversation can build a relationship with Him that is easy and natural. Eventually, He will lead to you pray about deeper things.

Another thing you might try is some fairly light spiritual reading. Check out the shopping area of this site for some suggestions of books that will inspire you. Don’t try anything really heavy, like St. John of the Cross or the other mystics - just something to feed your interest in spiritual things. Do be careful where you shop (which is why I suggested this site), because not every “Catholic” book is reliable.

You are well on your way. God bless you!

Betsy
 
You may also want to try daily meditation. For instance, pick an event out of Jesus’ life and think about that, being open to the workings of the Holy Spirit.

Eucharistic Adoration is also a good idea.

Also if you know a good priest talk to him about it.

Keep going to Mass and confession.

Pray often and ask God to grant you a feeling of his presence and love for you.
 
I’m actually kind of afraid of being flamed for this–please don’t–but, “feelings” are not really the best guides for assessing your relationship with God.

I think you’re received excellent advice, but I would also recommend reading St. John of the Cross and his “Dark Night of the Soul” as well as St. Teresa of Avila. Not to mention C.S. Lewis (probably “The Problem of Pain”)

Because we all have these “plateau” feelings where we feel that WE have done all this stuff, the rosaries, the church attendance, etc. and that somehow we think that we SHOULD, we DESERVE, to feel all uplifted, all happy, all–justified? But just because we SHOULD feel something doesn’t mean we WILL feel something. . .or even the “right” feeling. Ask anybody who has ever suffered from depression.

God loves us, but sometimes we don’t “feel” He does, just as sometimes we don’t feel our parents love us. (I’m not even talking about when they correct us, I am talking about those feelings we have, even when our parents SAY that they love us, even when we have the things we need, even when things are going WELL. . but somehow we STILL feel that they don’t REALLY love us.)

So, rather than trying to MAKE yourself FEEL what you think you SHOULD feel, I would focus on doing the right things even if I don’t “get anything back”. Realize that there are going to be periods of highs and lows. . .you WILL get good feelings again, and then you will get dry feelings again, all your life long. Appreciate the good feelings, and get through the dry feelings by doing what you should, and remembering, “This too shall pass.”

God bless you.
 
Hi again…try to remember that Love is Not a feeling, but a choice…a choice of the will…and I think you have made that choice by going to Mass and the Sacraments…
Try saying the Rosary…and ask Mary to intercede for you…you will no doubt feel closer to God and His Son…when you talk to Mother Mary…Remember, she didn’t feel anything but some fear and resignation when the Angel told her she was with child…I think she will understand…
Also…talk talk talk to God just as you talk here…there don’t have to be any special formal prayers…(although there is nothing wrong with them)…just saying Dear Lord Help me…can be a prayer…
as far as the hair and movie stars, etc…that is the reality of life…those little demons will always be around to bug us…just ask God to chase them away!

Love … 🙂
 
Blessings Liz!
I know that empty feeling of being so attached to things that are not of God. How CAN we get attached or closer to God instead? I think it’s simple. How do we get attached to our friends? By staying away from them? No way! We make friends by TALKING to them; we stay friends by communicating and yet also making the effort to LISTEN to them; with God it’s the exact same thing except His friendship is everlasting.
We have him 24/7. What a mighty God and friend! As He is our friend we develop a friendship like any other except that he is one friend that loves you enough to always stay by your side. So I think it makes sense to always commit to him. You are going to Mass, you are receiving the Sacraments! That’s great. You say you want to think about Him much more? Then be as any friend would to another; communicate…all the the time, as well as listen. He loves to hear us in the morning; in the evening; at night. He is all around you. He loves you. Develop your love for Him like you would your close friends. It is so beautiful that you want to be closer to him; Cultivate your friendship with him. He is more than happy to share his friendship with us. As you would a friend, talk to Him but also Listen to Him. God love you.

-Alison
 
Forget Brad and Angelina. Really. Part of feeling far from God can be through filling oneself with things that are in themselves distant from Him. If you want to soar, drop the sandbags.

Feeling lost in your relationship with God can be a glorious first step in discovering a new relationship with Him. Feeling your human emptiness is the first step in a new capacity for being divinely filled. You learn not to rely on yourself, or your feelings, but simply to trust in His merciful love. You are paradoxically in a better place than those who feel satisfied and filled in their spiritual lives. Those are the people who have the most to fear! In your weakness and your failures, you may give God room to make you strong and fulfilled. What you are going through now can be a precious gift from God, if you allow Him to make it so.

If I don’t sound like a total loony, please feel free to privately message me. I’ll be praying for you!

Pax vobiscum,
Timothy of Mary, ocds
 
Sometimes people go through a spiritual dryness. Sometimes, people have this dryness their whole live. Mother Teresa, for example. She once told her spiritual director that every time she sent up a prayer, it fell back down on her like a knife. Spiritual dryness is a form of suffering and suffering can be redemptive. So, just do what you are supposed to do and trust that God has a plan for you.
 
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St.BJLabre:
Sometimes people go through a spiritual dryness. Sometimes, people have this dryness their whole live. Mother Teresa, for example. She once told her spiritual director that every time she sent up a prayer, it fell back down on her like a knife. Spiritual dryness is a form of suffering and suffering can be redemptive. So, just do what you are supposed to do and trust that God has a plan for you.
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Yes, that can be true at times, but sometimes the dryness is of our own making…such as not being detached from the things of the world that drag us down. A wise priest once instructed me that spiritual dryness is not necessarily something to be “put up with” in order to draw us closer to God, because we have to examine ourselves and see if the dryness is coming from our own unwillingness to distance ourselves from the world.
 
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