Dealing charitably with a family member...help?

  • Thread starter Thread starter IdiNaPut
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This is where the problem lies- I could very well be merely doing wishful thinking on my part, creating this wonderful cosy fairytale of me sorting this problem out by the power of speech. However at the same time I am prone to think that perhaps some of the problem lies in that people, including myself, have created this situation where nobody is willing to take the time to actually educate her as to our views/the reality about whatever it is the problem is, leaving her to stew in her own misconceptions which have then stuck like superglue.

Still, I have a sneaking suspicion that you’re right and this isn’t going to be something I can fix, and so would be better to simply ignore and not deal with.

I’m actually hoping I can make my dream of living in Croatia a reality so that I can get away from all of this and have something of a barrier between us- I’d be 1400 miles away for one, and she doesn’t speak the language any more whilst I do, so I’d be free to do as I please and know that if it came to it, I could just walk away.
 
IdiNaPut said:
She cannot seriously expect that I, as an individual with my own life, can keep constantly conceding to her and letting her do as she pleases whilst I pick up the pieces and arrange everything around her.
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And the way to show her that, is to stop conceding to her, picking up the pieces, and arranging everything around her.

Stop doing that, and follow EasterJoy’s great advice about conversations with her, and you’ll be in pretty good shape. 👍
 
agnes_therese said:
And the way to show her that, is to stop conceding to her, picking up the pieces, and arranging everything around her.

Stop doing that, and follow EasterJoy’s great advice about conversations with her, and you’ll be in pretty good shape. 👍
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Hey, if I get my own way, I’ll be 1400 miles away and therefore out of her reach. Plus after that, if she wants anything to do with me, she’ll be in my backyard, not hers, and so might be more compliant with my wishes.
 
I have a lot of “difficult people” in my family too. I can’t give you specific advice but I can tell the best way I have found in dealing with them.
  • arms length
  • don’t try to get them to see logic
  • don’t participate in the circular argument because it will make you feel like you’re going to lose your mind
  • understand that when people get this way, you must be very patient and forgiving.
  • hold strong boundaries.
  • pray for them
  • don’t try to make sense of it, it leads back to the circular argument.
  • don’t take anything personally
  • keep a sense of humor
This works wonderfully for me and I hope it helps you too.
 
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