L
luvpinsanity
Guest
How do you find healthy ways to deal with your anger that do not create an outburst against other people in your life, namely, your husband, and/or your kids?
My husband has anger ‘issues’ , and he has previously agreed to go to counseling but right now we are too broke to afford it and he can’t afford to take any time off work. So, we talk about it. We try to respect each others boundaries, and talk constructively, but I feel like I am at a loss. I have been praying daily for him and for me to help him deal with this anger.
A lot of our arguments come about of silly little things - like for example, he put his bathing suits on the floor because he was going to take them up to the attic. I said to him that maybe he should consider leaving one in his dresser (Mind you, this last summer he had only one bathing suit and he lost it so we couldn’t go swimming and had to buy him a new bathing suit). He argued with me that he wouldn’t need it. He ended up exploding about the issue, and I dropped it.
The last huge argument was when I was writing thank you notes and I asked him to write the two that he had to do. He was tired, so he said he would do it in the morning. Unfortunately, that day the one of the people he needed to give the card to, left early due to an illness and the card was not filled out so I could not give him his gift. When his brother (the second person the card was intended for) left the FOLLOWING day, the card was still not filled out. Mind you, I did not mention it to him ONCE either of those two days. He says that I am “harping” him about it. It’s been almost two weeks and he has YET to fill the cards out (I did mention it to him again because now we need to mail the cards!)
Last night, we had another argument. We tried to talk about it, but he got so angry at one point he had to stop talking. I do not know what makes him so angry. He says to me: “It is your tone” and I say, “I am not being negative- I am not calling you names. I am just trying to work this out…” and then he says “When you are too specific it makes me feel like you are ganging up on me with reasons” and I say: “I’m sorry that is not my intention, I just want you to know what the issue is, specifically.”
He seems to think that I am harping on him because he is forgetful - and I told him I do not mind at all that he is forgetful. I lose my brain all the time and get more mad at myself than he gets mad at me! Humans are not meant to be perfect. I think the big thing to me, at least, is owning up to the mistake (of forgeting).
I gave him an analogy of
“A woman asks her husband to bring home a carton of milk. The man forgets the milk and goes home like normal.”
Does he… A. Get angry or B. Apologize and rectify the situation
I told him that I feel like he is the man that gets angry.
I also find that his anger creates anger in me and that I have less patience and willingness… I am sorry this is so long. I am tired of saying one wrong comment and having him fly off the handle and then he stomps around like a wounded hippo. Any advice appreciated.
God bless,
Ashley
My husband has anger ‘issues’ , and he has previously agreed to go to counseling but right now we are too broke to afford it and he can’t afford to take any time off work. So, we talk about it. We try to respect each others boundaries, and talk constructively, but I feel like I am at a loss. I have been praying daily for him and for me to help him deal with this anger.
A lot of our arguments come about of silly little things - like for example, he put his bathing suits on the floor because he was going to take them up to the attic. I said to him that maybe he should consider leaving one in his dresser (Mind you, this last summer he had only one bathing suit and he lost it so we couldn’t go swimming and had to buy him a new bathing suit). He argued with me that he wouldn’t need it. He ended up exploding about the issue, and I dropped it.
The last huge argument was when I was writing thank you notes and I asked him to write the two that he had to do. He was tired, so he said he would do it in the morning. Unfortunately, that day the one of the people he needed to give the card to, left early due to an illness and the card was not filled out so I could not give him his gift. When his brother (the second person the card was intended for) left the FOLLOWING day, the card was still not filled out. Mind you, I did not mention it to him ONCE either of those two days. He says that I am “harping” him about it. It’s been almost two weeks and he has YET to fill the cards out (I did mention it to him again because now we need to mail the cards!)
Last night, we had another argument. We tried to talk about it, but he got so angry at one point he had to stop talking. I do not know what makes him so angry. He says to me: “It is your tone” and I say, “I am not being negative- I am not calling you names. I am just trying to work this out…” and then he says “When you are too specific it makes me feel like you are ganging up on me with reasons” and I say: “I’m sorry that is not my intention, I just want you to know what the issue is, specifically.”
He seems to think that I am harping on him because he is forgetful - and I told him I do not mind at all that he is forgetful. I lose my brain all the time and get more mad at myself than he gets mad at me! Humans are not meant to be perfect. I think the big thing to me, at least, is owning up to the mistake (of forgeting).
I gave him an analogy of
“A woman asks her husband to bring home a carton of milk. The man forgets the milk and goes home like normal.”
Does he… A. Get angry or B. Apologize and rectify the situation
I told him that I feel like he is the man that gets angry.
I also find that his anger creates anger in me and that I have less patience and willingness… I am sorry this is so long. I am tired of saying one wrong comment and having him fly off the handle and then he stomps around like a wounded hippo. Any advice appreciated.
God bless,
Ashley
