Dealing with stereotypes

[Jayda]

hola

i am curious if anybody else experiences this… my husband and i have been married for one year, and we have twin girls (in wedlock). but we are both young, i am 21 and he is 22.

his family is very wealthy and so we live in a very nice area, mostly with a lot of people who have children our age. everywhere i go with my kids i get stares and people say things to me like “is your boyfriend the father?” which is so insulting in so many ways…

my neighbors have spread rumors that i “got pregnant” to force him to marry me so that i could have access to his wealth… we have been in love since i was an eight year old girl, i’ve never wanted anything from him except his love and children and we had children after we were married… im catholic, which is the problem, because when i try to dispell these rumors then i make matters worse because they act like i am backwards or medieval for believing people should get married and married people should have children… when my neighbors introduce me they say things like “this is annette, she has two kids, catholic”

i know a lot of catholic young couples who have kids experience this… i am completely at my wits end and i feel so isolated here because of the way people are, i have asked my husband to move us back to South Carolina where we grew up… we own a house there which is perfect for raising our children, i could walk to my parents house, the neighborhood is very Catholic and everybody in the neighborhood knows us because we all grew up together…

i do not know if he will be able to do this with law school though… does anybody know how to talk to such neighbors or if not how to deal with these stereotypes? i feel like they think i am a plague…

Dominus Vobiscum

 

[BrianK2007]

I don’t have any advise for you but I can tell you I got a’lot of static about things I believe in from my non-Catholic friends too. So you are not alone in that.

Brian.

 

[chevalier]

Don’t worry about stereotypes. There are always some people or some evil forces trying to spoil your happiness. You’re 22 and you’re already married… and to the man you’ve loved since you were a very little girl. Your children will have a young mum. What else is there to wish? And in addition, your economical needs are secured. There will be a lot of people envying that. Not all will be jealous in some way or form, some will just… will just be envious in a different way, I guess. Don’t worry about them. Jesus, our Good Lord Himself, had men who couldn’t stand that He could and would heal people. The robe they threw the lot for was probably His only possession and it still attracted the envy of those who fancied it. Be kind, be charitable, be merciful, and side with Him, not with the envy. Don’t let it come in between you and your husband or the children and don’t let it come in the way of your happiness, either.

I’ll be praying for you and thanks for your story.

 

[Cat]

Try to find friends among other young Catholic women who are married and hopefully, have children. Surely in your parish, there are others that share your story: young, married, kids. These women are probably eager to have friends. It would be nice for you to have some support and fun with these women.

My husband and I weren’t Catholic, but we were married young (21). We had a lot of friends in our church who were also fairly young and married, and it was lots of fun for us to get together.

Once we had children, it was nice to be friends with other young couples so we could get together and have relaxed good times, and occasionally even trade some babysitting.

We are strong advocates of young marriage, even though we know that many “Christian” and secular organizations teach that people should wait to get married until they are in their late 20s .

And we converted to Catholicism in 2004.

 

[ElizaE]

Try to find friends among other young Catholic women who are married and hopefully, have children. Surely in your parish, there are others that share your story: young, married, kids. These women are probably eager to have friends. It would be nice for you to have some support and fun with these women.

This is what I was going to suggest. You do not have to be friends with your neighbors. A smile and hello will be enough as you go on your walk with the twins. Who would want to be friends with such negative people anyway.

I suggest you see if your parish has any prayer groups or community service or anything where you will be able to bring your twins and get to know people with your own values. YOu can make friends with young women your own age and start a friendship that will be beneficial.

God bless

 

[seremina]

All I can suggest is to pray for them. Praying for them will work wonders for them and for you. Your patience may even improve.

It also helps to do many Sorrowful Mysteries rosaries, as it will help you with your suffering. So will doing the 7 Sorrows of Mary chaplet.

 

[Brian_C]

Having kids seems to be a sin these days no matter how old you are. My wife and I are 30 and she gets the same looks since we have a 3 year old, a (just turned) 2 year old and my wife is pregnant. As I’ve said in another thread, if I hear “You know what causes that?” one more time…

 

[wisdom_3_5]

Having kids seems to be a sin these days no matter how old you are. My wife and I are 30 and she gets the same looks since we have a 3 year old, a (just turned) 2 year old and my wife is pregnant. As I’ve said in another thread, if I hear “You know what causes that?” one more time…

Makes me wonder about this bible quote:

“for indeed the days are coming when people will say, ‘Blessed are the barren, the wombs that never bore and the breasts that never nursed.’”

Seems like our culture is that less one or two.