Declining to be a God Parent

[spectre88]

Apologist Michelle Arnold recently answered a question stating that a priest can postpone a baptism if he has reason to believe the parents will not practice the faith.

I know many people who are starting to have children that will want baptism but do not practice the faith. Would it be appropriate for me to decline being a godparent or sponsor if asked because of my knowledge or suspicions of them raising the child fully in the Church?

I ask because I know of at least two of my godchildren whose parents are not practicing Catholics. The reason I accepted was, 1 if the priest was willing to baptize I should be willing to accept. 2. I would hate for the child to possibly die without being baptized and risk not going into heaven.

Did I do something wrong here?

 

[lizaanne]

You absolutely did the RIGHT thing - you may be the only exposure those children have to the Faith. Take them to Mass, teach them about the Saints. Be to them what their parents aren’t - an example of living life as a good and Faithful Catholic.

And pray for them daily, because their own parents probably are not doing that either.

~Liza

 

[Barbkw]

Our priest has said that children often lead their parents back to Mass.

 

[Joe_Kelley]

Apologist Michelle Arnold recently answered a question stating that a priest can postpone a baptism if he has reason to believe the parents will not practice the faith.

I know many people who are starting to have children that will want baptism but do not practice the faith. Would it be appropriate for me to decline being a godparent or sponsor if asked because of my knowledge or suspicions of them raising the child fully in the Church?

I ask because I know of at least two of my godchildren whose parents are not practicing Catholics. The reason I accepted was, 1 if the priest was willing to baptize I should be willing to accept. 2. I would hate for the child to possibly die without being baptized and risk not going into heaven.

Did I do something wrong here?

My sister was once in that situation. The priest told her to be the godmother. He said she was the best chance the child had of being raised Catholic.

 

[midget01]

Apologist Michelle Arnold recently answered a question stating that a priest can postpone a baptism if he has reason to believe the parents will not practice the faith.

I know many people who are starting to have children that will want baptism but do not practice the faith. Would it be appropriate for me to decline being a godparent or sponsor if asked because of my knowledge or suspicions of them raising the child fully in the Church?

I ask because I know of at least two of my godchildren whose parents are not practicing Catholics. The reason I accepted was, 1 if the priest was willing to baptize I should be willing to accept. 2. I would hate for the child to possibly die without being baptized and risk not going into heaven.

Did I do something wrong here?

 

[midget01]

Declining the last minute might be inappropriate but one has to follow ones conscience as well and also follow Church rules. Perhaps before declining one should have a talk with the parents and question them why they are choosing to baptize this chld. If they are Catholic themselves they should not be offended but happy that you care enough about their child to make sure that this child is raised with the proper faith. But unfortunately some do it because it is the things to do. Others might not view them as socially acceptible in the church if they didn’t baptize their children. Of course this is done for the wrong reason. This could be a chance for you to evangelize the parents. Yes it is uncomfortable to challenge them on why they chose to do this. But if you are close you can question their reasons. I don’t recall hearing anyone questioning why they are doing it but rather why are you waiting so long. I was baptized at 5 years and it left a deep impression on me. When the priest told me I was joing a great community. I only saw my parents and God Parents because it was done after mass alone. While babies might not notice a 5 year old sure does. Parents and Priests need to watch what they model for children. In the back of church after eveyone leaves does not show other children in church that this is important to the rest of the parish. Teenagers see it as the adults don’t care to take the time to watch new members come in. If Baptism is so important for us to do to become a member where is the group we are joining? So asking the parents questions of Why to me is not such a bad question but it should not be done on the day of the ceremony. People use to die to become Catholic; now they can’t wait to get out of church. Somewhere they don’t get the true meaning of what they have joined. Midget01

 

[midget01]

Another quick thought. My parents were not practicing Catholics at that time I was baptized at 5 and my sister was a baby. I went through Catholic School and placed myself into another local church for Youth Group in High School. Several years later I became a Catechist and was lead to become the DRE of my new Parish. It was then that I learned about Annulments through Diocesan Courses and was able to bring my parents back to the Church at 80 & 86 years old. Myi father had a Catholic Funeral @ 90 because of my faith. And now my Mother had a Eucharistic Minister who comes to my sister’s house ( who is not a practicing Catholic) because I spoke with the local parish in her area. So who knows how God works in a single person. I am not saying was better than my sister but one out of 2 is not bad. But the questioning things can begin with you

When you talk with them, if you chose to do this; don’t be condemning. But it is fair as the future God Parents to question their intentions since they seem to publically display an obvious form of behavior. Perhaps they might need to wait and learn a little bit more about the faith they are choosing for their child. Yet it can work if God intends for it too. It just would be nice to have parents attend mass with their child. I missed that. Now I had to tell my 89 year old mother last summer that I would go with her to the Casino but that we had to attend mass first. Not for luck but because it was the sabbath and that was more important. Should we win it would be luck and not God’s graces. Needless to say we met a new priest who was doing missionary work in Southern Illinois, the Casino was fun even though we lost.

 

[spectre88]

Thanks for the insights everyone. That makes me feel a lot better. But I’m left to wonder; if what you all say is true, then why would it be okay for a priest to postpone a baptism. We know that even such a simple suggestion would cause many irrational people to simply say “forget it” thus resulting in the infant not ever being baptized and with that possibility never really getting to know the faith.

 

[formerlysure]

I agree with the opinion that being the godparent will afford you the opportunity to teach the child more about Catholicism and hopefully improve his or her knowledge and experience of the faith.

I do understand the conflict though as I was asked by a relative to do the same. I questioned my own faith at the time as well as the mother’s. My faith improves all the time and though the mother’s hasn’t, her children are still being educated in the faith and I have been able to share some of my own experiences of finding answers in the church with my now nearly adult godchild.

I did decline two requests to be a bridesmaid and that was tough. In one situation the husband to be was dangerously abusive to the woman. In the other I knew the woman was having an affair during the engagement. Those were easy decisions to make but hard to implement.

 

[lizaanne]

Thanks for the insights everyone. That makes me feel a lot better. But I’m left to wonder; if what you all say is true, then why would it be okay for a priest to postpone a baptism. We know that even such a simple suggestion would cause many irrational people to simply say “forget it” thus resulting in the infant not ever being baptized and with that possibility never really getting to know the faith.

I can’t think of any valid or rational reason why a priest would ever postpone the baptism of a child. That makes zero sense to me. Timing, convenience, some misguided something or other – perhaps – but none of those would be acceptable reasons to postpone. A child could die at any time for a multitude of reasons - baptism as soon as possible is always the best course.

~Liza

 

[Chatter163]

In this context, the term “postpone a baptism” may not be the best term. "Decline to schedule a baptism "in the first place might be more accurate.

 

[Sarabande]

Thanks for the insights everyone. That makes me feel a lot better. But I’m left to wonder; if what you all say is true, then why would it be okay for a priest to postpone a baptism. We know that even such a simple suggestion would cause many irrational people to simply say “forget it” thus resulting in the infant not ever being baptized and with that possibility never really getting to know the faith.

I completely understand that as it happened in my own family.

My cousin was refused baptism as an infant because the priest did not believe that the parents were going to be practicing Catholics. My very devout grandmother and my cousin’s other devout grandmother were there when this happened. They were so upset. My uncle stormed out of the rectory after that and unfortunately it turned him and my aunt off to attending mass ever. They didn’t raise my cousin as anything. This shouldn’t be a reason to stop attending mass, but things like this happen. When the grandmothers spoke to the priest after this, he told them that he couldn’t, in good conscience, baptise the child when he did not believe they were going to continue being practicing Catholics. He encouraged the grandmothers to be good influences in my cousin’s life and pray that maybe the boy would be able to choose for himself to become a baptised Catholic. Unfortunately, my cousin and his parents had lived out of the country (they had come back to the States for the baby to be born and to be baptised) and when they came back to the States, they lived too far away from either grandmother to be of any good influence.

 

[lizaanne]

In this context, the term “postpone a baptism” may not be the best term. "Decline to schedule a baptism "in the first place might be more accurate.

I still don’t see the point. If there is an issue with the parents, then work with them to resolve the issue, but don’t penalize the child by withholding the sacrament. That still makes no sense to me.

~Liza

 

[lizaanne]

Ok - so my husband, who is far more brilliant than I, disagrees with me. He is saying that if the priest feels that the parents will not in any way raise the child as Catholic, that he may need to delay a baptism until the parents have the proper understanding. Because — and this is the point I was missing — the parents act as the age of reason on behalf of the child.

In the case of an adult, they would not be allowed to become baptized if they did not believe and simply went through the motions, because they are of the age of reason and need to consciously make that decision. In the case of a child, they cannot do this for themselves, and so the parents have to ask as that “age of reason” on their behalf, agreeing to raise them in the faith.

So – given this explanation, I suppose there may be a case made for postponing a baptism, but I would certainly hope (for the sake of the child’s soul) that those instances are kept to a minimum.

~Liza

 

[midget01]

Thanks for the insights everyone. That makes me feel a lot better. But I’m left to wonder; if what you all say is true, then why would it be okay for a priest to postpone a baptism. We know that even such a simple suggestion would cause many irrational people to simply say “forget it” thus resulting in the infant not ever being baptized and with that possibility never really getting to know the faith.

 

[midget01]

Spectra 88: Since I don’t know if you are old enough to realize the mores of some of the priests back in the 50’s were like kings. Not to put them down but they came across as pharisees. They were very legalistic in their approach to protect the church. At least that was my experience being raised in a very traditional Polish Parish. The Irish Parish across town was more liberal with their views. They were more eager to talk situations through even if they came to the same conclusion. But, I have noticed over the years many of the priests since then have taken a more laid back approach and seem to realize God works in each individual person and we can’t force it. Sometimes because of our actions we appear to postpone things but in reality God may have let us challenge the situation but the person still journey’s on the path that was intended. Even though the pastor did not take the time to help my father heal from a divorce and help him become an active parishioner; God allowed it to happen in the year 2000. The priest and the climate of the Church was much different. It’s not that the law changes but rather the priest was led by God to know that God forgives. I hope this helps. This is a mere observation of the church over a 60 year period.

 

[Phemie]

My grandson will not be baptized. It breaks my heart but when I broached the question with my daugther at Christmas her reply was that she wouldn’t lie and pretend she cared about the Church and pretend to intend to raise him Catholic. We don’t live anywhere close by so my influence will be limited (and at this point, with none of my children practicing their religion I wonder what influence I had on them in the first place). I’ve pondered baptizing him as I give him his bath and believe me it was the hardest thing to refrain from doing, but while it would give me peace of mind it would impose on him obligations he would never be taught to meet.

 

[FAB]

Apologist Michelle Arnold recently answered a question stating that a priest can postpone a baptism if he has reason to believe the parents will not practice the faith.

I know many people who are starting to have children that will want baptism but do not practice the faith. Would it be appropriate for me to decline being a godparent or sponsor if asked because of my knowledge or suspicions of them raising the child fully in the Church?

I ask because I know of at least two of my godchildren whose parents are not practicing Catholics. The reason I accepted was, 1 if the priest was willing to baptize I should be willing to accept. 2. I would hate for the child to possibly die without being baptized and risk not going into heaven.

Did I do something wrong here?

As a Godparent, you agreed with the parents to raise the child in the Cathilic faith. Even if the parents are not actively doing so, you do have a responsiblilty based on that promise you made to do what you can to see that your Godchildren are exposed to the faith, not just as children but their whole life.
You did right b being a Godparent, now take on the job.