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Maisdavis
Guest
I don’t know how to delete a post ?
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Maisdavis
Guest
Thank you for the encouragement. I’m hoping and praying he truly wants to change and we can make our way through. I know it’s not going to be an easy journey.
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1ke
Guest
Why is this obvious? Did he tell you he changed?
???!
What makes you think you should behave this way?
You need to get some counseling. This is a big problem. And it’s not his problem, it’s yours.
You are rejecting your husband at a fundamental level.
I’m not sure why you would seek to marry him if you weren’t fully vested in your marriage?
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Jen7
Guest
Check out Dr. Corey Allen. He has a book (Naked Marriage) and podcasts on his website. I think his book will help YOU. The podcasts cover everything about marriage including porn.
Anyways… first off you husband sounds genuinely interested in changing & that’s awesome! You can be his biggest cheerleader. No need to “stay mad” and withhold sex. Sheesh, what’s sexier than a guy who is pouring his energy into trying to live a more godly life in so many practical ways?!
Do. not. blame. yourself. He’s been hooked on this since 12. You could be the hottest woman alive and he would not just have magically quit looking at porn because you’re so hot! Think about it: porn give pleasure without aaaaany responsibility for another person, their mood, their timing, their insecurities, the basic human needs. Even the sexiest woman alive gets a cold and isn’t in the mood for a few weeks; even the sexiest woman sometimes is busy with work or is having an “off” day or would rather read a book. And a selfless guy honors those times. But porn let’s the guy off the hook for needing to honor another person in any way. It’s allllll about himself. Not even the hottest chick can be that “easy” all the time. It’s not you!!!
Last thing: realize he’ll probably fall again. This is a huge habit he’s had for possibly most of his life. Keep you eye out for sustained habits of respect, generosity, selflessness, courage, etc vs. pouring over his computer 24/7 to make sure he’s “really” changed. You’ll know by the fruits. And have a happier marriage if you avoid “mothering” him through his healing process. I wouldn’t even go to therapy with him. This is HIS demon to overcome, not yours. Maybe you can (separately) work on body confidence. I believe there are Woman At The Well seminars around the U.S. that deal exclusively with that topic. I haven’t been but I’ve heard great things!
Sounds like y’all are starting onto a great path! Keep it up & for goodness sake, go let that man know how hot he is for being so willing to ditch porn and take so many practical steps toward healing!!
Anyways… first off you husband sounds genuinely interested in changing & that’s awesome! You can be his biggest cheerleader. No need to “stay mad” and withhold sex. Sheesh, what’s sexier than a guy who is pouring his energy into trying to live a more godly life in so many practical ways?!
Do. not. blame. yourself. He’s been hooked on this since 12. You could be the hottest woman alive and he would not just have magically quit looking at porn because you’re so hot! Think about it: porn give pleasure without aaaaany responsibility for another person, their mood, their timing, their insecurities, the basic human needs. Even the sexiest woman alive gets a cold and isn’t in the mood for a few weeks; even the sexiest woman sometimes is busy with work or is having an “off” day or would rather read a book. And a selfless guy honors those times. But porn let’s the guy off the hook for needing to honor another person in any way. It’s allllll about himself. Not even the hottest chick can be that “easy” all the time. It’s not you!!!
Last thing: realize he’ll probably fall again. This is a huge habit he’s had for possibly most of his life. Keep you eye out for sustained habits of respect, generosity, selflessness, courage, etc vs. pouring over his computer 24/7 to make sure he’s “really” changed. You’ll know by the fruits. And have a happier marriage if you avoid “mothering” him through his healing process. I wouldn’t even go to therapy with him. This is HIS demon to overcome, not yours. Maybe you can (separately) work on body confidence. I believe there are Woman At The Well seminars around the U.S. that deal exclusively with that topic. I haven’t been but I’ve heard great things!
Sounds like y’all are starting onto a great path! Keep it up & for goodness sake, go let that man know how hot he is for being so willing to ditch porn and take so many practical steps toward healing!!
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