Depressed, tired, sad and confused

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EveningSkye111

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Dear ones,

Where to start?

I’ve been estranged from my son and daughter for ten years.

My dear Dad died in 2007.

My husband was diagnosed with colorectal cancer in 2008

My younger sisters hubby died of colorectal cancer in 2008

Hubby had radical surgery for his colorectal cancer in 2008. It later metastasized to his liver, both lungs, lymph nodes and parts of skin. Doctors said he should’ve died five years ago. A huge PRAISE to our MIGHTY GOD for keeping my sweetie with me.

Mom got frightfully ill in 2008, I was in Florida (folks lived there year-round) and I saved her life. Almost went back home the day before.

A insanely drunk driver hit hubby head-on, totalled both cars. Hubby lost his two martial arts schools because of injuries.

I have been diagnosed with several serious illnesses involving heart, liver, brain, very fragile bones and GI problems. Have had several emergency surgeries in the last few years. So many scars, I look like a road map.

I miss my kids so much. My daughter wanted to reconcile last July. I was ecstatic. We talked for a few minutes until the real reason to reconcile was out— she needed money for drugs. I refused and the nastiness started again. Oh, she is going on 30.

Older sisters hubby died in November. Daughter was at the funeral and I was so shocked at how she looked. No longer the pretty little girl with big, blue, shining eyes and golden curls. She was ashen, her hair dull and limp and there was no spark to her at all. We did talk a bit and kept in touch, mostly by texting.

Christmas was coming, so it was fun to get her little things I knew he needed.

She’s been arrested several times for moving violations, theft, assault and battery. She’s on probation in two counties, must be randomly drug tested and has fines like crazy. Oh, her boyfriend is in a rehab unit after getting out if jail three months ago.

She’s always needing money, but I never dreamed it was for dope. Her stories are so convincing about why she needs money.

We’d take her out to dinner or shopping when we could afford it. She’s come to our home a few times and we’ve had so much fun.

About one month ago, she hit me up for so much money, I had no more to give. I told her that, but the tears always won me over…

The worst was the call at 4am, saying she is being held hostage in Detroit and needs more money.

I need to take a break. Will continue in a bit.
 
EveningSkye111 said:
Dear ones,

Where to start?

I’ve been estranged from my son and daughter for ten years.

My dear Dad died in 2007.

My husband was diagnosed with colorectal cancer in 2008

My younger sisters hubby died of colorectal cancer in 2008

Hubby had radical surgery for his colorectal cancer in 2008. It later metastasized to his liver, both lungs, lymph nodes and parts of skin. Doctors said he should’ve died five years ago. A huge PRAISE to our MIGHTY GOD for keeping my sweetie with me.

Mom got frightfully ill in 2008, I was in Florida (folks lived there year-round) and I saved her life. Almost went back home the day before.

A insanely drunk driver hit hubby head-on, totalled both cars. Hubby lost his two martial arts schools because of injuries.

I have been diagnosed with several serious illnesses involving heart, liver, brain, very fragile bones and GI problems. Have had several emergency surgeries in the last few years. So many scars, I look like a road map.

I miss my kids so much. My daughter wanted to reconcile last July. I was ecstatic. We talked for a few minutes until the real reason to reconcile was out— she needed money for drugs. I refused and the nastiness started again. Oh, she is going on 30.

Older sisters hubby died in November. Daughter was at the funeral and I was so shocked at how she looked. No longer the pretty little girl with big, blue, shining eyes and golden curls. She was ashen, her hair dull and limp and there was no spark to her at all. We did talk a bit and kept in touch, mostly by texting.

Christmas was coming, so it was fun to get her little things I knew he needed.

She’s been arrested several times for moving violations, theft, assault and battery. She’s on probation in two counties, must be randomly drug tested and has fines like crazy. Oh, her boyfriend is in a rehab unit after getting out if jail three months ago.

She’s always needing money, but I never dreamed it was for dope. Her stories are so convincing about why she needs money.

We’d take her out to dinner or shopping when we could afford it. She’s come to our home a few times and we’ve had so much fun.

About one month ago, she hit me up for so much money, I had no more to give. I told her that, but the tears always won me over…

The worst was the call at 4am, saying she is being held hostage in Detroit and needs more money.

I need to take a break. Will continue in a bit.
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Oh my, I will pray for you today, here’s a prayer you can pray:
Heavenly Father, I praise and thank you for all you have given me. Please cover me with the protective, precious blood of your Son, Jesus Christ, and increase your Holy Spirit in me with His gifts of wisdom, knowledge, understanding, hunger for prayer, guidance and discernment to help me know your will and surrender to it more completely.
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Father, please heal my negative emotions and any wounds in my heart and spirit. Send the sword of your Holy Spirit to sever and break all spells, curses, hexes, voodoo and all negative genetic, inter-generational and addictive material, past, present or to come, known or unknown, against me, my relationships and family, finances, possessions and ministry.
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Father, I forgive and I ask forgiveness for my sins and failings and I ask that my whole person, body and mind, heart and will, soul and spirit, memory and emotions, attitudes and values lie cleansed, renewed and protected by the most precious blood of your Son Jesus.
Click to expand...
In the name, power, blood and authority of Jesus Christ I bind and break the power and effect in or around me of any and all evil spirits who are trying to harm me in anyway and I command these spirits and their companion spirits in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit to leave me peacefully and quietly.
Click to expand...
Dear Holy Spirit please fill up any void in me to overflowing with your great love. All this Father I pray in the name of Jesus Christ by the guidance of your Holy Spirit, please pray for me and with me.
Click to expand...
 
I’m so sorry for everything you are going through :console: I don’t have many encouraging words but I offer you myrayers and my shoulder to cry on! :hug3:
 
Just put on a load of laundry and got a cup of joe.

To continue:

I must also mention that my daughter lives with her father. I am divorced from him since 1999. I can see that he is playing the mind games and emotional abuse with her, the same as he did to me. I do not see any physical abuse on her, but the emotional and mental is just as bad, if not worse.

I found that my daughter has been in rehab several times. I also know that she steals and is a big friend to the local pawn shops.

I talked to the ex a few times during the “hostage” situation and he said he didn’t believe her. All the screaming in the background at the hostage site scared me to bits. I had nothin left to give. I told her. She called me a liar. Then she got serious, was crying and she dropped her “bad guy” voice and was sounding like my little sweetie again. I still didn’t have any money and told her. She got nasty again.

Turns out she was in a bad part of Detroit and she did owe people some money and she borrowed it from I don’t know who.

Three days later, she needs money to go see a doctor. She can’t walk. She needs to go to a hospital. I offered to pick her up and take her. NO! She won’t go for that. She needs money for gas. By the way, she had stolen her dads car and he didn’t have any vehicle for over two weeks.

So daughter isn’t going to the hospital, just wanted money, but…

Eventually she did go to hospital. She called, has a flat tire… sure she does. Needs money to get it fixed. Told her that I’d call the hospital and have them come get her in a wheelchair. No, she says. I had enough of this and tried to get back to sleep. Of course, all these things happen in the middle of the night.

She eventually got to ER, but got mad and took out her IV and drove off. The ex found where she was and found someone to help get her.

Two days later, ex brings her to our church after services. Poor girl can hardly walk and she looks like she lost a fight with a tiger. Her hands and arms were filled with needle marks, bloody looking streaks and her feet were swollen and infected, so she couldn’t walk.

She’s been mainligning heroin.

I need another break.
 
sigh

It was such a happy time for me to be with my little bit again. We’d talk about everything and she’d reminisce with me about stuff I never thought she’d remember.

Enter satan…

Youngest sister has two kids. Her son, I found, has been supplying my little one with a lot of her dope. Also, my sister’s daughter, my niece, is pure evil. Just thinking of her is bringing my blood pressure up. She (niece) loves to stir up trouble and will cause things to happen to make others look bad and to make he look like Miss Sweetheart. If you could dry out her stories, you could fertilize the lawn. She is conniving, sneaky and oh, how she can give people the old shuck and jive, so she looks so angelic. It’s not hard to see through her act, but my 91 year old mom fell for it and my sister positively worships her daughter and believes every thing she says.

So. Hubby and I want to go to Florida to see mom over thanksgiving, but our only vehicle flakes out to the tune of $4000+ in repairs. It takes a while to get a new car, so we figured we’d go see her for her birthday in January. Then I find younger sister is going then. Then older sis is going with her daughter, daughters boyfriend and two illegitimate kids.

I want to be in Florida just to be with mom, not a houseful of people. So we will go for Easter.

Yay!

On March 14, mom is going out with he 74 year old boyfriend. Mom is 91. He drops her off and drives away to park, mom falls and has a spiral fracture of the femur.

They couldn’t do surgery until Tuesday. So we decided to go down early to help. Could not leave until Wednesday because I just had hand surgery on the 13 and had to follow-up with the surgeon.

Mom had the surgery and was declared fine and could go home on Wednesday. Great! We’re driving a 1200 mile trip, will be there sometime Thursday.

Younger sis calls me Wednesday and says that mom has to go to a nursing home for rehab. Ok, no big deal. But she keeps asking me if we will turn around and go back home!!! Why??? She says that mom won’t be home,.so what’s the use of going? I said that we are going and that’s that.

She was stunned that we were still going even if mom was going to be in a nursing home for a few weeks. So what? I’m disabled, so is hubby. Time off is not a problem. We had been in awful traffic in Ohio, huge accident had us tied up for six hours. Ugh, but we finally did get to Kentucky for the night. During the last hour on the road, my other niece keeps texting me asking why we are still going. What the heck??? Then she asks where we are going to stay when we get there?? I tell her we are staying at mom’s house. She’s mad because of that. Where else would we stay but at my mom’s house? She then asks if I ASKED mom if I could stay there.

I told her we were going, were stopping for the night, would be staying at mom’s when we got there. I refrained from the “mind your own business” bit and believe me, that wasn’t easy.

I didn’t tell.mom we were coming in a week earlier than planned, didn’t want her getting in her “company is coming” mode where she’d clean the house from top to bottom, etc. Planned on calling her boyfriend several hours before we got there.

The nieces were also wondering what we’d be doing there when mom was in rehab. What’s it to them?

Thursday morning, hubby and I get on the road. It’s about 10am and older sis texts and asks if anyone told me that mom was intensive care???
 
So my two sisters are suddenly flying to Florida. We’re still 800 miles away.

As I eventually find out, they both knew mom was in intensive care the night before and didn’t tell me. Also, the nasty niece was already in Florida to “take care of grandma” and was furious when she found we were coming down.

So now, mom’s house is full of people and we’re still hours away. Sisters really got caught up in their lies bout how sick mom was when they miscalculated the time it took to fly from Detroit to Orlando. It’s not possible to do it in 1 hour and 10 minutes.

So everyone has known for a few days that mom is in icu and we are the last to arrive in Florida and now we are wondering where we will stay. I got the recliner which is ok because I’m on oxygen.

Well, the days were rough. Everyone’s having a great time, hitting the beaches, shopping, etc. I’m staying at the hospital mostly or when I am at mom’s, I would hang out in the front room by myself.

I always hated being the middle child.

By the time I got to see her, she was comatose. She was moved to hospice Saturday night.

I watched her die at 8:32am, Sunday, March 22. She never came to.

#######

Now for some odd reason, I thought that taking care of her last wishes and stuff would be discussed between the three of us, not the two of them. They told me that they are keeping her house. What? I can’t afford a house, taxes, utilities, lawn care, etc. We have enough to keep body and soul together as it is. Of course the nieces can’t get over this crazy aunt of theirs. They want the house, piffle on me.

Also, mom wanted me to have her van, but older sis, executrix, gave it to her kid. She also gave moms $75,000 diamond and gold wedding rings to the nasty niece.

Oh yes… I was invited (how kind) to the church and funeral home to discuss church and funeral home stuff. Naturally the two nieces had to be there. It seemed to me tobe a time for the three sisters to talk and do these things. The nieces are there, texting each other, I’m not even considered part of the group.

By the time it was all done, I was just shot. Tired. Sad. Miserable.

I can’t get into too much more, as this is wearing me out. I had a drink Monday night. I said something I shouldn’t have. It wasn’t bad, but it’s what they were waiting for. Everyone in that house ganged up on me and I snapped.

Hubby got me out to the car, loaded up our stuff and we took off. I guess I tried jumping out of the car a few times. Stupid, yes, I know. Hubby was really upset, mad and he called 911. Cops came, took me in handcuffs to a psych ward in Florida. Was there for a week under suicide watch.

I’m on so many stupid meds as it is and now I’m being pumped full of antidepressants. Saw my pcp last week and will see a psychiatrist Wednesday. Thank our Lord, hubby and I are both Veterans. It’s the only health care we have.

I haven’t been able to tell everything here, just the highlights. Or mostly lowlights.

I need prayer… lots of prayer if you can. I hate asking for myself. It’s so hard trying to keep things in. Sooner or later one can snap. And I did. No one knows where I am. No one had tried to call, either.

God love all of you.

Thanks for listening to me. Now it’s time for a huge cry.
 
Saw a doctor for a few minutes today and have to still wait another week to be assigned to a regular psychiatrist.

Feeling so lonely and helpless. No ambition, no desire to do anything.
 
As a drug and alcohol counselor, run, do not walk, to the nearest Al-Anon meeting. Yes. Go to a meeting. No excuses. Get the support (for free or a $1) that meetings can give you, when the counselor, who is not free three times a day, can’t give you. Depending upon where you are, there are meetings frequently; you can also get support through Al-Anon on line.

You clearly do not know how to deal with an addict. You are coming from the heart; she is coming from the pocket book.

You cannot fix, help, restore, etc. her. She is addicted to something. Her first thought, second thought and third thought in a day is how to get drug money.

Get help for your co-dependence.

Best of luck. Let me know how Al-Anon works for you. And, don’t be a “yes, but” person. That means no matter what anyone suggests, you have a "yes, but’ reason not to do it.

Sheila
 
I’ll be seeing someone at the hospital who will help me in dealing with her. I have not seen her now or heard from her in almost three weeks.

I have not and will not give her any more money. Last time I gave to her was March 8. No more.

Right now, I have to take care of myself, my mind is just overwhelmed with mom’s passing and all the other craziness going on.

Is your name really Sheila?

That’s my daughter’s name.
 
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