Depression and The Fallout

[endoftheroad]

I don’t know if I’m on the right forum. But here goes. I am married ( 30yrs+ ) with two children, ages 20 and 15. 3 weeks ago my wife walked out. She has very serious depression issues. This is the second time she has moved out of the house within the last 1 year. No prior discussion, she just goes. Last time she set up her own place, stayed there 6 months and then moved back home. This time she moved out and into her parents place, no prior discussion. Her dad is dying of cancer as is her mother. So not a pleasant environment to live in for a depressed person. Her behavior has played havoc with the kids. The eldest has grown to resent her, the youngest is very confused. As for me, Ive suggested conselling, medication, you name it. But her ears are closed. She is a good person. And very bright ( an ER doc ). There is no one else that either of us are involved with. I retired early ( law enforcement ). Well I’m just worn down to a nub over this whole thing. She wants to get her own place ( again ) and maybe a divorce. I want no part of a divorce but we all know how that works. We are both Catholic but somewhat lapsed. Ive no answers. Spoke to our priest, a close friend, a therapist, etc. But at the end of the day nothing changes. Im just too old for this type of thing. Its really overwhelming. Ive come to the point where the road is running out of road. Ive given everything careful consideration, made provisions for my kids, and determined that Im going to self terminate. Not a big thing really. My wife will then be placed into a situation of having to reconcile with her children, they will be provided for as per my prearrangement. And I can just get the hell out of here. Cause you get to the point where there is no point. And heaven or hell don’t enter the equation for me because Im living in a form of the latter.
The purpose of my note here today is that if you have a loved one and they suffer depression, take very close heed. Pay attention, be relentless in your efforts to help her or him. I’m afraid I failed my wife, and she is paying the price. I find that too difficult to accept, impossible to live with. Don’t end up walking my road.

 

[angell1]

hi, i am very sorry for the situation you are going through. i’ll pray for you as well as your wife and the rest of your family. try not to balme yourself though; if you have truly done the best you can, the she is responsible for the rest and her own actions. perhaps she just needs some time to herself at the moment? pray, have faith, go to confession and mass often and god will do his work. do not despair. god bless

 

[EasterJoy]

No, you have not given this careful consideration. No one wants you to do this. Do you think your children are angry and confused now? Do you think this will jolt your wife out of her depression? And what if it does just the opposite? What if she decides, too, that your children are better off without her and that she, too, has a right to “self terminate”?!? Oh, please do not do this!

Call a suicide hotline, and do it before you do a single other thing. You are not thinking clearly. You, a police officer, can stand back, think of someone in your situation, and know that you need help. You know that depression is a black hole that can suck the people around it into it. You know that there is no amount of money that you could have left your children that will make up for losing you. You know that they will blame themselves if you do this, just as you have unjustly blamed yourself for what your wife is going through. You are not any different than anyone else going through this. You know that you are never so old that your children are ready to lose you, let alone to lose you to your own hand. You are loved, you will be missed, and you do not have the right to kill yourself.

Get help now! All of your colleagues would want you to, everyone who loves you will want you to, and you know that you must. You’ll come out the other side, and everyone who loves you will be glad that you did the right thing, including you. Trust me, but if you don’t trust me and you won’t call a suicide hotline, if you have to keep this secret call your pastor. There is a line to get through for last rites. Get through on that, and talk to him or whoever he has covering that, right away. Tell him what you told us, please!

God bless you!

 

[Pax05]

I am currently suffering anxiety and depression. Your situation is troublesome and you have every reason to feel alone and helpless. What men do (myself included) is to try to handle the pain alone. Yesterday I took the step of seeking professional help- it is not a weak act. We are in a hole but we can and will climb out of that hole but may need a hand in that process.

Seeking God’s help and peace in the Sacraments gives great peace. I am going to Mass now as there is no greater physician than Our Lord Jesus Christ. At times we feel abandoned but God is always there for us- turn to Him in prayer.

God bless, seek help and take care

 

[skigirl1689]

No, you have not given this careful consideration. No one wants you to do this. Do you think your children are angry and confused now? Do you think this will jolt your wife out of her depression? And what if it does just the opposite? What if she decides, too, that your children are better off without her and that she, too, has a right to “self terminate”?!? Oh, please do not do this!

Call a suicide hotline, and do it before you do a single other thing. You are not thinking clearly. You, a police officer, can stand back, think of someone in your situation, and know that you need help. You know that depression is a black hole that can suck the people around it into it. You know that there is no amount of money that you could have left your children that will make up for losing you. You know that they will blame themselves if you do this, just as you have unjustly blamed yourself for what your wife is going through. You are not any different than anyone else going through this. You know that you are never so old that your children are ready to lose you, let alone to lose you to your own hand. You are loved, you will be missed, and you do not have the right to kill yourself.

Get help now! All of your colleagues would want you to, everyone who loves you will want you to, and you know that you must. You’ll come out the other side, and everyone who loves you will be glad that you did the right thing, including you. Trust me, but if you don’t trust me and you won’t call a suicide hotline, if you have to keep this secret call your pastor. There is a line to get through for last rites. Get through on that, and talk to him or whoever he has covering that, right away. Tell him what you told us, please!

God bless you!

^^^This^^^

Please seek help right away! Your family needs you no matter how helpless you may feel to help them. Your wife is dealing with a crisis that is NOT your fault and she needs professional help. You need to be present for your children, please don’t think they’d be better without you…they won’t.

I’ve been where you are and I told someone who got me the help I needed. He saved my life. It won’t be magically fixed overnight, but once you get through these feelings it will be clearer, and the process of healing will begin.

I’m praying for you!

 

[bsroufek]

You’ re quitting and giving up on your kids as well as God.
Life is to be lived until natural death, and God won’t be pleased if you “self terminate”.
Don’t be selfish, as it sounds like your wife isn’t going to take care of the kids on her own either.

 

[jmcrae]

I don’t know if I’m on the right forum. But here goes. I am married ( 30yrs+ ) with two children, ages 20 and 15. 3 weeks ago my wife walked out. She has very serious depression issues. This is the second time she has moved out of the house within the last 1 year. No prior discussion, she just goes. Last time she set up her own place, stayed there 6 months and then moved back home. This time she moved out and into her parents place, no prior discussion. Her dad is dying of cancer as is her mother. So not a pleasant environment to live in for a depressed person. Her behavior has played havoc with the kids. The eldest has grown to resent her, the youngest is very confused. As for me, Ive suggested conselling, medication, you name it. But her ears are closed. She is a good person. And very bright ( an ER doc ). There is no one else that either of us are involved with. I retired early ( law enforcement ). Well I’m just worn down to a nub over this whole thing. She wants to get her own place ( again ) and maybe a divorce. I want no part of a divorce but we all know how that works. We are both Catholic but somewhat lapsed. Ive no answers. Spoke to our priest, a close friend, a therapist, etc. But at the end of the day nothing changes. Im just too old for this type of thing. Its really overwhelming. Ive come to the point where the road is running out of road. Ive given everything careful consideration, made provisions for my kids, and determined that Im going to self terminate. Not a big thing really. My wife will then be placed into a situation of having to reconcile with her children, they will be provided for as per my prearrangement. And I can just get the hell out of here. Cause you get to the point where there is no point. And heaven or hell don’t enter the equation for me because Im living in a form of the latter.
The purpose of my note here today is that if you have a loved one and they suffer depression, take very close heed. Pay attention, be relentless in your efforts to help her or him. I’m afraid I failed my wife, and she is paying the price. I find that too difficult to accept, impossible to live with. Don’t end up walking my road.

Self-termination would be a very selfish, angry thing to do.

The generous thing to do would be to walk the road you are on, one step at a time. Only God knows the future.

When you are tempted to give up, go to the Church and kneel in front of the Blessed Sacrament. (If the church is locked, pray outside by the wall nearest to the Sacrament.)

Tell Jesus all of your troubles. He loves you, and He wants to help you! He wants to give you the strength to carry on, so He is asking you to come to Mass and be with Him. Come to Confession and unburden yourself of all the terrible things you’ve done in your life. Let Him forgive you, in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

It is not our job to try to force other people to live the lives we think they should live. Your wife is making poor choices, but this does not excuse you to do the same. You still have to be responsible and good. Let Jesus help you.

 

[Groo]

If you have suggested counseling, medication and other things, then you have not failed your wife. It is sad that your wife failed to listen to your suggestions, but that she did not listen does not mean you failed her. No one can force someone else to get help, even a spouse.

If anything, the lesson may be that you failed to take care of yourself. Your wife’s depression and other issues has had an effect on you. That’s not your fault, it’s just the way things worked out. Edit: I saw that you did talk to a therapist. Still, I hope you will find a men’s group or some other support system. That seems especially important since you are retired.

I hope you do not go through with your plan. In the world there is lots of money, many houses and other things. Your kids can get that stuff in many ways. But they have only one Dad. No one else on God’s green earth can ever take the place of Dad. Ever. Don’t let anyone tell you different. Your kids need you now, physically alive and present, more than ever. And they will continue to rely on you for a long time to come. I pray you will give them that chance.

 

[sweetpetunia]

Call a suicide hotline, and do it before you do a single other thing. You are not thinking clearly.

This! If you think your death will solve your problems, you’re not thinking clearly. If you think your life doesn’t matter, you’re not thinking clearly. If you think your death will help your children, you’re not thinking clearly. If you think that killing yourself is the answer, you’re not thinking clearly. Your kids don’t need your money, they need you. Don’t deprive them of their father. Your life matters to your kids, to your loved ones, to the human race (we’re all in this together!) and to God. Please, please go get help!

Praying for you.

 

[rayne89]

Do not do this. You will destroy your children. YOU brought them into this world. There mother has checked out mentally and their father commits suicide? How if you love your children how could you abandon them in the worst possible way when they need you the most. Please, please I am begging you. I have seen those left behind after a suicide - I am begging you not to do this to children. Get help -walk into an ER and get help now.

 

[sweetpetunia]

OP, I just want you to know that I am praying so much for you right now. Promise you’ll go get help, okay?

 

[memamia]

I don’t know if I’m on the right forum. But here goes. I am married ( 30yrs+ ) with two children, ages 20 and 15. 3 weeks ago my wife walked out. She has very serious depression issues. This is the second time she has moved out of the house within the last 1 year. No prior discussion, she just goes. Last time she set up her own place, stayed there 6 months and then moved back home. This time she moved out and into her parents place, no prior discussion. Her dad is dying of cancer as is her mother. So not a pleasant environment to live in for a depressed person. Her behavior has played havoc with the kids. The eldest has grown to resent her, the youngest is very confused. As for me, Ive suggested conselling, medication, you name it. But her ears are closed. She is a good person. And very bright ( an ER doc ). There is no one else that either of us are involved with. I retired early ( law enforcement ). Well I’m just worn down to a nub over this whole thing. She wants to get her own place ( again ) and maybe a divorce. I want no part of a divorce but we all know how that works. We are both Catholic but somewhat lapsed. Ive no answers. Spoke to our priest, a close friend, a therapist, etc. But at the end of the day nothing changes. Im just too old for this type of thing. Its really overwhelming. Ive come to the point where the road is running out of road. Ive given everything careful consideration, made provisions for my kids, and determined that Im going to self terminate. Not a big thing really. My wife will then be placed into a situation of having to reconcile with her children, they will be provided for as per my prearrangement. And I can just get the hell out of here. Cause you get to the point where there is no point. And heaven or hell don’t enter the equation for me because Im living in a form of the latter.
The purpose of my note here today is that if you have a loved one and they suffer depression, take very close heed. Pay attention, be relentless in your efforts to help her or him. I’m afraid I failed my wife, and she is paying the price. I find that too difficult to accept, impossible to live with. Don’t end up walking my road.

 

[endoftheroad]

I want to thank every one who has taken the time and care for their support. As a result, I will delay my plan for three days. Three as the number is the Trinity. Only an honest-to-god miracle, a real tangible sign,will be able to intervene in what lays ahead in the next 72 hours. I am not fearful, nor anxious any longer. I am sorry for wasting everyone’s time and energy with my own problems. You have your own lives and families to care for and to love. Your best gift to them. I regret that my lack of will to care for myself will hurt those closest to me. But, for me, its like being on a narrow high rocky cliff ledge, with a sharp wind blow cold rain numbing me, mocking my every step.
Thank you. May we all meet again somewhere, sometime.

 

[Groo]

Glad that you gave yourself some time! It is not too late to seek help for yourself. It has to be awful having a wife walk out on you twice.

But whatever you do, don’t let her craziness make you think less of yourself. You are a good Dad and a good husband for taking her back and trying to get her some help.

 

[EasterJoy]

I want to thank every one who has taken the time and care for their support. As a result, I will delay my plan for three days. Three as the number is the Trinity. Only an honest-to-god miracle, a real tangible sign,will be able to intervene in what lays ahead in the next 72 hours. I am not fearful, nor anxious any longer. I am sorry for wasting everyone’s time and energy with my own problems. You have your own lives and families to care for and to love. Your best gift to them. I regret that my lack of will to care for myself will hurt those closest to me. But, for me, its like being on a narrow high rocky cliff ledge, with a sharp wind blow cold rain numbing me, mocking my every step.
Thank you. May we all meet again somewhere, sometime.

“Regret” does not cut it, and you may not put God to the test by threatening to commit suicide if God doesn’t give you the sign that you demand. That you do not fear a pointless death only shows that you have lost sight of reality. I’ve been there; I know.

You are really hurting, but at the same time you are also considering making a mortal sin your last act. There is reason to believe that God provides the opportunity for salutary repentance to those who take their own lives, but that is no reason for presumption against the mercy of God!!

*You have a life to live and a family to care for, and it isn’t for you to decide to kill yourself. *We know your pain is real…get some treatment for it! Do not give yourself any excuses. Do not give yourself any room to change your mind or think about doing this awful thing. Do not try to rationalize away that the rules do not apply to you. You’ve run up against people like that your entire career, and you know that they’re lying to themselves in order to do what they want. You are now lying to yourself. Stop that. Face the truth: You have no right to do what you’re contemplating doing. You have help available to help you to do the right thing, instead. You have no excuse not to call for help. Do your duty and call a suicide hotline. Get in touch with your pastor as soon as possible, too. Tell everyone that you are having these thoughts–don’t hide them because you’re afraid that you’re going to be told that you have no right to do what you are tempted to do.

God gave you the precious gift of life. Do not fail to protect it, as God has commanded you to do. This is no less than any duty you have ever had in your life. Would you let a partner do this to himself? No, you wouldn’t! You’d tie him up, if you had to, but you’d step in and save him from doing this awful thing. You can’t leave a man to die in the field, and that is true even when that man is you! Get that man help!!

May God be with you!

 

[jmcrae]

1. You can’t control other people.
2. The fact that you can’t control other people doesn’t mean that you give up on yourself.

Be the change that you want to see.

Has it occurred to you that your wife might be stressed out and depressed because her parents are dying? You committing suicide isn’t going to improve things for her.

 

[oscarsmom]

I want to thank every one who has taken the time and care for their support. As a result, I will delay my plan for three days. Three as the number is the Trinity. Only an honest-to-god miracle, a real tangible sign,will be able to intervene in what lays ahead in the next 72 hours. I am not fearful, nor anxious any longer. I am sorry for wasting everyone’s time and energy with my own problems. You have your own lives and families to care for and to love. Your best gift to them. I regret that my lack of will to care for myself will hurt those closest to me. But, for me, its like being on a narrow high rocky cliff ledge, with a sharp wind blow cold rain numbing me, mocking my every step.
Thank you. May we all meet again somewhere, sometime.

I’m really concerned that you mentioned ending it all.

Please get some help right away – tell someone who can assist you with how you’re feeling. A pastor, counselor, or medical professional would be in an excellent position to offer support.

If you don’t know who to call, Focus on the Family has licensed Christian counselors who would welcome a call from you. You can reach them at 1-855-771-4357 between 6:00 A.M. and 8:00 P.M. (MT) Monday through Friday.

Also, the USA National Suicide Hotline operates toll-free, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Just call 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK. Their TTY number is 1-800-799-4TTY.

If you feel like you’re in imminent danger of harming yourself, go to the nearest hospital emergency room as soon as possible. Please don’t carry your burdens alone.

I’m praying for you. Your life is precious no matter what issues you’re facing. Write back soon and let us know how you’re doing.

 

[sweetpetunia]

I want to thank every one who has taken the time and care for their support. As a result, I will delay my plan for three days. Three as the number is the Trinity. Only an honest-to-god miracle, a real tangible sign,will be able to intervene in what lays ahead in the next 72 hours. I am not fearful, nor anxious any longer. I am sorry for wasting everyone’s time and energy with my own problems. You have your own lives and families to care for and to love. Your best gift to them. I regret that my lack of will to care for myself will hurt those closest to me. But, for me, its like being on a narrow high rocky cliff ledge, with a sharp wind blow cold rain numbing me, mocking my every step.
Thank you. May we all meet again somewhere, sometime.

OP, you are still very much in my thoughts and prayers. I understand that you feel like you are in a really dark place right now, but please consider the reality of darkness. A person in a dark place can’t see things as they really are. Darkness obscures. It blinds. It distorts your perception. It hides the beauty and joy, and hope in the world around you. It’s there, but you can’t see it. Right now you can’t see what a gift you have; what a gift your life is, not only to others, but also and especially to you. Sometimes you have to trust the people who are not in darkness, and walk by faith and not by sight, because your perception is obscured and distorted by the darkness. The scriptures say that sorrow may last the night, but joy will come in the morning. It might seem that the darkness will never lift, but it can, and it will. So you have to have courage, dear heart, and not be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. Part of the reason we are put on this earth is to help each other.

You don’t need to look for a sign from God not to kill yourself. You already have it. He gave the sign to all of us when He issued the fifth commandment on Mount Horeb. He gave the sign to all of us when He sent His Son to redeems us because each life matters to Him. He Himself says that He knows and loves you intimately, down to every hair on your head. If you were the only soul on earth, Christ still would have came to redeem YOU. Your life matters, because of Him. Because of Him, our lives have meaning.

Don’t give up. Ends are for yesterdays, not for tomorrows. Today is fresh, today is a new beginning. Today has so much potential. Let this be the day that you take the first step towards healing and hope. You need to ask for help. You can do it, I have faith in you. Let this be that day.

 

[Musician]

You must NOT commit suicide if only for your children. You are all they have. Don’t give into this spiritual attack from Satan. I tried to commit suicide and my children were devastated. I will never do it again. By God’s grace and medical intervention I am relatively stable.
I will pray for you.