Depression/Anxiety - Growing Closer to Christ?

[mike2112]

Blackshirtproud - please don’t feel obliged to answer this.
But would you care saying how your depression feels? What you feel like when you’re in the midst of a bad bout of it?

Liam, I completely understand that depression - I can’t explain it in words, but I have walked those same shoes.

You should read two of my threads from back in August - when I was in severe depression and anxiety. The worst feeling.

Please read it, Just the beginning post in each thread: You will relate to it even if just a little.

1.) forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=705842

2.) forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=709819

I will continue to keep you in my prayers, there is an end to the suffering!

And just again, read my first post in both threads - it will tell you the description of my feelings.

 

[LiamNL]

Thank you so much for sharing that, Mike.
I know now that I’m not alone in my despair. Your devotion to our Lord Jesus Christ during your darkest moments is an inspiration to me.
May God bless you, Mike.

I’ll be praying for you and your family too.

Please don’t ever think that people don’t care about you. Because I care deeply about you. You’re my brother in Christ.

 

[LiamNL]

Please all keep my family and me in your prayers.
Today has been very rough.
Feeling very emotionally detached from my family and full of despair and hopelessness.

Today has been one of my rougher days dealing with this depression.

 

[MaryAliceRose]

It is soothing for me to read of others struggles with the dark side. I think depression is difficult enough in the secular setting but almost impossible in the spiritual setting. The sense of failure and of laziness is so profound at the same time the inability to MOVE in any direction is a big cross to carry.

As will any illness, this is a great gift if used well. Another key - use it well. I picture myself in ithe cold, black cell with this huge diamond that I can’t really see. I know intelligently these things but the hopelessness and the aridity is difficult.

Now that we are at the time of year when we will pray Our Lord’s passion, this is the time to bury oneself at the foot of the Cross.

To all of you in the same boat, my prayers and tears.
MA

 

[Chantal25]

Medication will numb you and you won’t be able to deal with the source of the problem. Look into diet, if your iron is low or B12 or D. Look also into eating fresh food that promote good hormone, this is the physical part. (I AM not a doctor, please research).

Emotionally, please always prioritize prayer in your life, Jesus will be your strength. Consider to do the Sacred Heart of Jesus Novena, he made amazing promises that will suite your needs.

Do your best always but don’t judge yourself or condemn yourself. God is Mercy and we need to truly believe in his Mercy.

Mother Teresa said that if you need love give love.

I find that doing nice thing for others, uplift my spirit always. Look into doing some volunteering, it doesn’t have to be complicated but very simple such devoting your prayer to bring peace in all family or keep the children safe etc…

Don’t give up hope, you are loved!

 

[bsf]

Thank you, ajecphotos.

When you started going to Church did you ever still have that hollow/empty feeling?
Like you were just going through the paces inspite of how you felt about it?

God bless.

St. John of the Cross mentions elsewhere that melancholia (depression) requires some of his advice/commentary on the Dark Night be viewed differently. That being said, please consider the following.

In receiving Communion they spend all their time trying to get some feeling and satisfaction rather than humbly praising and reverencing God dwelling within them. And they go about this in such a way that, if they do not procure any sensible feeling and satisfaction, they think they have accomplished nothing. As a result they judge very poorly of God and fail to understand that the sensory benefits are the least among those that this most blessed Sacrament bestows, for the invisible grace it gives is a greater blessing.

The Collected Works of Saint John of the Cross, The Dark Night (translated by Kieran Kavanaugh and Otilio Rodriguez 1991), bk. I, chap. 6, no. 5, p. 372.

I only present this as encouragement; in no way as any sort of rebuke or criticism. Even though you feel nothing, please remain aware benefit still accrues.

 

[Catholic_Wife]

Has anyone been here? Yes
Has anyone felt this despair only to have it all make sense at one point? Yes
To shed off the depression and truly grow? Yes

Anxiety and depression are medical conditions just like heart disease and diabetes. There is a possibility that you will be on medications the rest of your life … and that’s okay. Please stay on your medications and give them a chance to take effect as you work with your psychiatrist to figure out how to control your anxiety and depression without the meds (if possible).

Things that helped me during a particularly difficult time was frequent confession and reception of the Eucharist, adoration (even just sitting in the chapel in prayer before the tabernacle), praying the Rosary and learning Catholic meditation and contemplative prayer. I also learned how diet and exercise as well as other lifestyle changes can affect anxiety and depression, and I began to make changes in those areas.

 

[Gigglin4God]

Liam,
I know exactly where you are coming from, in the 2nd grade I was having anxiety attacks and gone through many many bouts of depression. Things got rough for me when I got into junior high. I was bullied so bad that I had to change schools twice. I had a was bullied at the second school that was the second semester of the 10th grade. Both the first and second schools that I left the original school were both Christian Schools. I told my mom & dad that I wanted to go back to the original schools so I would have a prom to go to. Anyways I got back and the two girls who were bullies had gone. I still got harassed but I dealt with it and the blow that the Christian Schools messed my credits up and out had me as a sophomore than a junior. Short story I worked hard and graduated & got out on time. Just a little history on me. My parents married & divorced twice. If been sexually assaulted 3 times. She of 5, 12 and 18 years old.
Finally in 2000, I just lost it all. I was going to a Christian Counselor and it was like the bottom dropped out of the boat and I. Began my spiral down ward. I.just locked up and had to start taking medication and went to being a guinea pig for them to trio all kind pig medication I got into the hands of 4 doctors that did nothing but over medicate me. I ended up going into a psychiatric hospital the first time for a week. I got out a week passed, o read released into my doctor who knowingly told my mom that I could drive if I felt like it…i felt I could so I went to a therapist about and on the way back, rolled my car a few good times. I got to the hospital, they checked me out and a week later I was back in. the same hospital…
to be continued.

 

[MaryAliceRose]

I believe this type of forum is very helpful for all involved - the sense of community and comraderie. Like having a brace on my soul which helps me cope.

Those with other physical problems are even more in need of this companionship and hearing over and over how much God does love us is soothing balm.

Today I read in my Missal, God has lots of friends who love Him but few who will suffer with Him.

MA

 

[LiamNL]

Gigglin4God,
I’m very sorry to hear about your struggles.
My wife and I will keep you in our prayers!!

I’m stressed out that I have to take sleeping meds just to sleep at night.
They say insomnia is a side effect of depression, but it’s pretty debasing to not be able to just get a good night’s sleep. Considering I’ve never had this problem before.
But, I really need to be patient.

I don’t doubt a lack of patience is what brought all of this on. The stress to anxiety to insomnia to depression.
The depression is terrible because it clouds everything else out. Makes it seem like that’s all there is: no hope, no help; no end; only despair.
I pray this situation does end and only serves to pull me closer to Christ our Lord and my family.

Any little bit that it might help but I’m trying to reframe my mind: to be more understanding, more patient, slow to anger; more loving/charitable to others.
Because I have been terrible on all of these fronts.

God bless all of you!!

 

[LiamNL]

Anxiety and depression are medical conditions just like heart disease and diabetes. There is a possibility that you will be on medications the rest of your life … and that’s okay. Please stay on your medications and give them a chance to take effect as you work with your psychiatrist to figure out how to control your anxiety and depression without the meds (if possible).

Things that helped me during a particularly difficult time was frequent confession and reception of the Eucharist, adoration (even just sitting in the chapel in prayer before the tabernacle), praying the Rosary and learning Catholic meditation and contemplative prayer. I also learned how diet and exercise as well as other lifestyle changes can affect anxiety and depression, and I began to make changes in those areas.

The “yes’s” you’ve provided give me so much hope!!!
Thank you!

 

[Gigglin4God]

Liam, love the name btw!
I was in the hospital again this time for two weeks. All the doctors there believed that over medications is the answer. When I got out of the hospital that second time, they took me to san MHMR center and the doctor there said that the doctors at the hospital was going to kill me that I was so over medicated. He took me off of all those medications except for 4 . Then my body went through the sheer hell with 6 months of detoxing that was only supposed to be 6 weeks. This was August-.September of 2002 and finally I stared coming out of it. Around March & April of 2003. I went through another few doctors and went in for a hernia check and they said I needed to be put in the psychiatric hospital hospital because my thoughts weren’t right. I fought them and said that if they are going to put me into another hospital that it wouldn’t be the first one. So I was in there for a week and they sent me home. I got tired of being a burden to my mom and husband that about a eel later I tried hanging myself from a door knob while using a knife on my wrist. That misery was brought on by an over dose my them at the time doctor put me on 45 mgs of Valium. That is what made the suicide attempt in me. My body was just on over haul. So this time when I was admitted my mom-, husband and Deacon of the church said I needed something else so while in there I went through a series of shock treatments. The first one was the most miserable in the world. Your hair, teeth, muscles, bones, joints, and yoooo name it, it hurry. Out felt like my head was cracked in two. So since 2009 I’ve managed to stay out of there. It took me also a few months to get all that high dose of Valium out of my system. They took me from 45 mgs of Valium down to 7.5 mgs a day. I still have a lot of issues going on with depression agoraphobia, Scrupulosity Addiction, and my worst thing is the anxiety. I don’t leave my house unless my mom or husband are with me. OI stay inside on my couch all the time, get upfor restroom purposes, our to go in the kitchen for food our water. It’s very though. Especially since they make my husband go to work do late. At least my mom is here with me when he can’t.

 

[Gigglin4God]

Only other time I’ve had to go to the hospital is when I had Pancreatitis. I didn’t mind that time. At least I know I was not going to a psychiatric hospital!. Just reading what I have gone through makes me say. Thank you Lord, Jesus & Mary for being with me. St. Dymphna, thank you for hearing my prayers. When you least feel Gods Presence,.He is there. Liam you and your family are all in my prayers.
God Bless You & Mary Keep you,
Georgia or Gigglin.

I’m here if you ever need to talk. JMJ

Jesus, I trust In You!

 

[LiamNL]

Giggling4God,
I give you alot of credit. You’ve been through so much and your faith seems unshakeable.

If it’s not the depression for me (and the emotional detached feelings towards the ones I should love)… it’s the insomnia.
I feel like I’m on a ship being tossed back and forth in a huge storm.

And i think all of this is because I refused to work on patience when stressors were around me. Leading to anxiety.

Today has been particularly rough. Right now I’m more bothered by the lack of sleep than the depression. I’m on Lexapro for depression and I’m reading one of the side effects is insomnia.

Please Lord Jesus Christ, lift this burden from me. I believe. I will change. I want to change to be closer to you Lord Christ.
I wish I was stronger to endure it

 

[Abundant]

1.) Remember that Jesus in human form felt every emotion that we feel. In fact, he was so upset that he actually sweat blood. Remember the Garden of Gesthemene.

2.) Know that it may not “get better” at the time that you think you need. Sometimes God calms the storm, but other times He just calms his child in the midst of it.

3.) Don’t pray the way you “think” you should pray. Talk to God. Cry out to him and tell him what you need in the most raw, human way. He knows anyway so don’t be afraid to ask out right.

4.) Don’t stop taking your medicine, and make sure you seek professional help.

5.) Go get this book and work through it. (Sounds rediculous and pointless to you now, but it’s not.) Depression causes certain parts of our brain to not function correctly. Cognitive therapy helps stimulate them and helps you prepare to deal within: barnesandnoble.com/w/cognitive-behavioral-workbook-for-depression-william-j-knaus/1103292074?ean=9781608823802

 

[Gigglin4God]

Liam, it is the people on here, mY family, friends, my phone alot of other things that make each day go by. I stay on my couch all the time. I still have hard days. I tell you what, if it want for the internet, Facebook, youtube, paltalk, I’d be in the hospital again. I’m happy being locked in the house with my husband & two dogs. I love my books. I have alot of them. I think there is something with just knowing if I need them they are there. I have books about the Beatles, The Kennedys, Max Lucado, Cindy Mc Menamim, T.D Jakes, Joni Lamb, Joel & Victoria Osteen, Kenneth Copeland,.Joyce Meyer and a whole lot of books about Hollywood Stars & my Wrestling books about the Wrestlers,.i have two books about Mother Teresa that I am anxious to start as well as Father James Martin called.My life with The Saints, A Father Who Keeps His Promise by Scott Hahn, Rediscovering Catholicism, by Matthew Kelly, Confessions Of A Mega Church Pastor, by.Allen Hunt, . There are alot of thinks that make me happy. I am also a collector of Rosaries & WOW Hits And Worship CDS that make me feel good. Surround yourself with things you love and treasure. Remember to, that if you are ever going to see a rainbow, you gotta stand a little rain. You are going through a touch of grey. Every silver lining has a touch of grey.
Where do you live? If you don’t mind me asking. There are two groups that you could look into as support. Go to www.nami.org & www.dbsa.org, there are other groups that are good as well the one I loved the most is. Www.emotionsanonymous.com. The EA Group is really excellent it is a 12 program like AA, NA, ACA, OA, etc.

My Godsend is a 64 year old man that I met on paltalk 10.years ago and my life was a mess mm. this Australian Gentleman has been the Father figure I’ve needed so much in my life. The more I talk to him, the closer to God I get. This man has been were I am and he has helped me to believe that God can help you through anything.

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The Courage to change the things I can. And the Wisdom to know the difference.

God bless you,Liam
Love in Christ,
Georgia.

 

[Gigglin4God]

Liam, just so there is no confusion, the man I chat with on paltalk I have adopted as my Aussie Dad. My Aussie Dad Rocks!7

Here is a song that gits me all Jacked Up with ExcitemenT!
I hear this song and I come alive!
m.youtube.com/watch?v=kbB0QrBIs9k

 

[george92]

I’ve been somewhat of a basketcase recently (maybe even further back).

My poor ability to deal with stress and change lead to a general feeling of anxiety that would last pretty much my entire day at work (sometimes longer).
On the 13th of Feb I received a stern verbal take down by my manager along the lines of (other people are able to accept and deal with the changes that happen, but you’re not able to. You need to stop the complaining). In a bit more harsh words than that… but what he said was very true.

However, after that meeting I felt gutted. If I had bad anxiety prior to that I was shellshocked after it. That night started my struggles with insomnia. 3-4 hours at most, sometimes less, rarely more. That then brought on a case of depression. The thing about the depression is that it taints everything. It makes it seem like that’s all there is… just the depression. Things I like didn’t resonate with me, I feel emotionally detached from loved ones. I feel like I’m just going through the paces and forcing (to the point of exhaustion) being loving and caring to them.

Last week a psychiatrist put me on lexapro for depression/anxiety as well as Clonopin for sleeping/anxiety.
The Clonopin does seem to be working… but I hate that I have to take that to fall asleep.
I hate that I have to take Lexapro to feel normal (not quite there yet, but it’s only been a week on it).

I pray and pray and pray… I’ve gone to Church more often than I ever have. I’ve been busting my hump to be more patient, caring, humble, compassionate.
Begging Jesus to lift this burden… to help me to feel normal. But I don’t feel anything back.
Maybe I’m wrong - maybe a day will come and I’ll see how much Our Lord was pulling me through it all. But right now it feels like a dead nerve.

Has anyone been here?
Has anyone felt this despair only to have it all make sense at one point?
To shed off the depression and truly grow?

Thank you

hey liam! i was (and still kind of) in the same boat. yeah felt just like you with the despair, anxiety, depression. but a simple trick i learned is by putting your hand over your heart, that means you are here for a purpose. So for me I had a lot of work in school i had no clue on what to do but I just pretty much surrendered it to God that everything is as it should be and everything is gonna be alright. I have a lot more peace now with that concept despite still being over burdened. Hope this works! Peace.

 

[LiamNL]

Just wanted to update this thread as well…

I’m fine now. Better than fine.
I’m actually glad I had to endure that nightmare. And, the thought of having to ever endure it again doesn’t unnerve me.

It was a blessing that I suffered through it.

Quick side note: my psychologist and psychiatrist were not much help. In May of 2013 I stopped taking all meds. I started truly allowing the pain, fear, despair, and suffering be there… with no expectation that they will ever leave. And, peace slowly found it’s way back into my life… and into my being.
I am so much of a different person now than I was then. And it’s all because of God’s love and grace.
I learned so much about myself, about suffering… I gained so many wonderful friends because of it.
I know how to handle fear, stress, and despair so much better now.

Anyway… just wanted to update this thread as well to say that God showed me the way out of the storm and into the calm harbor.