Since we are going to be eternally happy with God if we are fortunate to make it to Heaven, then hypothetically, if for you being eternally happy means to no longer be aware of your existence then I wonder what God would do.
My guess is, assuming the OP dies in a state of grace, that if he dies with this desire ‘not to be aware of his existence’ that he would go to Purgatory to be purified of that dysfunctional desire.
Since we are going to be eternally happy with God if we are fortunate to make it to Heaven, then hypothetically, if for you being eternally happy means to no longer be aware of your existence then I wonder what God would do.
Do you think its possible that most people don’t know what will ultimately make them happy? If it is, I believe the OP fits in that category.
I think God can prove to us what is going to make us happy. In fact he already has. He gave us his commandments. And when followed, will make us extremely happy. God gave us the tools to be happy, because only he knows what is going to make us happy. We mere humans, as demonstrated throughout history, have no idea what is going to make us happy.
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