Despondent Catholic seeking help

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Lou_F

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Hi,

I have been beating myself up lately. I have been an active Catholic. I pray the rosary and chaplet daily. I fast and volunteer. I have been working on a project that means a great deal to me strictly because it is for God and for bringing souls back to the Church. I haven’t committed a mortal sin in a long long time (for me anyway). Last week, I did. How the heck could I have been so foolish? I feel I have all this grace and I just chose to throw it down the tubes. The sin remains in the confines of marriage, but was an act I should of never carried out. I received Communion on Sunday, thinking the sin was not a mortal sin, but a serious venial sin. The few days before Mass and after, all these coincidences have been happening to me about falling, as a reminder of falling into mortal sin. They seem much much too coincidental and have been frequent and painstaking reminders. I feel that in my quest to grow in humility, I chose to be humbled by sin instead due to my own pleasure seeking. Now I believe that my project to win souls is either doomed to fail or will be much less effective due to my choosing the sin over remaining in grace. I am going to meet with a spiritual director for the first time in a long time and attend confession before Mass, but can someone please help me accept my loses? I know this is prideful but, I’m upset that I wasted so much effort on this project for a moment of sin. Does receiving communion this unworthily have such consequences? Please help and pray.
 
Lou, when the Prodigal Son returned, his father wasn’t making sure he lost all his privileges as a son. Quite the opposite, the father was ready with a robe and sandals and the ring that symbolized his place in the family, despite the son’s foolish decision to throw away his inheritance.

I’m sure that God is not waiting to take away the fruits of your labor, unless, for some reason other than your having sinned, that it was not His will that it be completed. If your project should fail, it is not because of your sin. Wasn’t it Mother Teresa who said that God does not call us to be successful; He calls us to be faithful. You have done your best on this project, and if God does not wish to bless it with success, it does not mean He is displeased with your effort or punishing you for your sins.

A fall into sin is always an occasion to renew one’s humility and return to God with love. And LOVE is the most important part here.

Betsy
 
Lou,

The more we have to forgive… the more He pours out His Mercy upon us.

Trust His Mercy, have gratitude…
 
Go to confession. remember Grace is something we recieve not because of what we do, or fail to, but because God gives it. He dertimines the portion His gives.
 
Hi Lou,
I think that your efforts to bring people closer to God is wonderful and it is my prayer that your efforts will continue to bear fruit for the Kingdom.

Today’s Mass readings show that even though Moses murdered another human being, God still loved him and continued to use him to be a leader for his chosen people. I don’t think that you went so far as to do the mortal sin Moses did, so please don’t be so hard on yourself and remember that God has more mercy and love than we can ever imagine. He knows our faults and failings and he still wants us to want and be with him. It is obvious by your writing that you have a contrite heart and feel badly for what you have done.

By all means, continue to go to Mass, but Do Not continue to receive Communion until you confess your sins of what you did and that you received the Holy Eucharist while in the state of mortal sin to your parish priest and do your penance. Remember that sin separates us from God. Sin does not undo what you have already done in regards to your work. If it is your image/pride that is bothering you, then I would recommend turning away from that which separates you from God. There is humility in knowing that He gives you life and He made you (knitted you in your mother’s womb.). God wants you to be with Him and not separated from Him.
Please continue your efforts for the Kingdom. The God of mercy and love sees what is really in your heart and knows that it is not only good works, but your faith and your love for Him that matters.
I hope that your efforts are indeed for God.

Peace & Prayers,

Br. Tom Davis, OSA
 
It is hard to be human… trying to be all that God wants, all that we can be… It seems we can’t help but sin and yet, when we do, we have to pay the consequences… seems almost unfair sometimes…(?) yet that’s the way it is…

Anyway, i have felt similar things (things like that God is taking away my “ministry”…:eek: 😦 ). Well, what if he does?? I have found that when God takes something away (or allows the devil to take it away), its only because he is trying to give us something better (Whether we deserve it or not is beside the point, really)… God loves us and understands our weaknesses far better than we do… I believe he pities us because he knows we cannot, absolutely speaking, stop sinning… for ever and ever… The devil, who is stronger than we are, will not allow us to stay sin-less very long… (actually, i should say not just the devil but the world, the flesh and the devil)… Anyway, all i can say is i understand and will pray for you…
When the devil attacks you with guilt, maybe it would be good to remind him of all the things you have done right, the things you have done for the Kingdom… Then maybe you could tell him to take the next flight to Hell… 😃
God bless… Please keep me in your prayers also…
Thanks… 🙂
 
Lou_F said:
Hi,

I have been beating myself up lately. I have been an active Catholic. I pray the rosary and chaplet daily. I fast and volunteer. I have been working on a project that means a great deal to me strictly because it is for God and for bringing souls back to the Church. I haven’t committed a mortal sin in a long long time (for me anyway). Last week, I did. How the heck could I have been so foolish? I feel I have all this grace and I just chose to throw it down the tubes. The sin remains in the confines of marriage, but was an act I should of never carried out. I received Communion on Sunday, thinking the sin was not a mortal sin, but a serious venial sin. The few days before Mass and after, all these coincidences have been happening to me about falling, as a reminder of falling into mortal sin. They seem much much too coincidental and have been frequent and painstaking reminders. I feel that in my quest to grow in humility, I chose to be humbled by sin instead due to my own pleasure seeking. Now I believe that my project to win souls is either doomed to fail or will be much less effective due to my choosing the sin over remaining in grace. I am going to meet with a spiritual director for the first time in a long time and attend confession before Mass, but can someone please help me accept my loses? I know this is prideful but, I’m upset that I wasted so much effort on this project for a moment of sin. Does receiving communion this unworthily have such consequences? Please help and pray.
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To me, it sounds as if you are in a spiritual battle with the Evil One, the Father of Lies. You love God, and have worked very hard to bring others to him. Well, Satan hates that, he is losing souls for his evil kingdom and he is attacking YOU, trying to get you to quit doing the things that bring others to his enemy, Jesus Christ. He will do whatever he can to accomplish this. Do not allow this. Do not allow him to get a foothold on your thinking. I know from sad experience that beating yourself up is a tool of the Satan, and it will lead to the sin of despair, which makes us feel too unworthy to serve God. I struggle with this a lot. Keep working on your project to win souls, that is where God wants you. You need to accept God’s forgiveness, and then forgive yourself, and remember that as long as we are living, we will struggle with temptation and sin.

Go to Confession and discuss this sin with the priest. Since you have mentioned that it was within the confines of marriage, be sure that the sin was actually a sin. You seem to have had some doubts about this matter. Sometimes we can be a little scrupulous in these matters. Only you and the priest can decide this. But in any case, accept God’s forgiveness and carry on from there and keep in mind that the closer we get to God and doing His will, the greater our battle may be, for the reasons I stated above. Spiritual battles are very real. God bless you.
 
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