Developments with my wife

[millstreet]

Hi. I’ve posted here before about my wife, who is unbaptised and was not raised with any exposure to religion whatsoever. She is more or less supportive of my Catholic faith, and okay with it being transmitted to my kids, but steadfastly refuses to discuss it. She says she doesn’t want to be pressured, which I understand, but no one is pressuring her - I would just like for her to ask questions of herself and others, ultimately I get that it’s her own life and she will do what she wants. There is also some bitterness towards the Church, for some reason that I can’t identify. And there are certain things I know she thinks are just stupid, like Confession, male-only priests, etc. But she won’t engage about the rationale, let alone speak the name “Jesus,” which when spoken makes her immediately back away from dialogue with anyone - not just me.

Anyway, my kids are 7 now, and they are starting to ask questions of her. For example, one of my daughters keeps asking why she isn’t baptised, and recently said she was mad at my wife’s parents for not getting her baptised. She was also very upset that my wife couldn’t walk with her in the communion line (they generally come with me, even though they cannot yet receive communion). They ask her if she believes in God, etc., and it is obvious these questions make her uncomfortable. In a way I think it is a good thing, that if they ask enough maybe she will start asking herself, and then wanting to know more. At the same time, it is equally likely she will feel further “pressured” and turned off. She is also very busy, and doesn’t feel she has time to deal with “Church things” - which are obviously not a priority for her. That is an issue too.

I don’t know what to do with all of this, if anything. Put differently, is there something I should be doing, other than just trying to be a witness through my own life and continuing to raise my children in the faith? Or should I just let things play out, encourage her if she does ask questions, and see what happens? It has not been an easy road (I am a revert, by the way, of five years), and it’s not getting any easier. Thanks!

 

[HOMM]

Or should I just let things play out, encourage her if she does ask questions, and see what happens?

This…it took me 56 years of my life, and 34 years of marriage, to hear the voice of God and the patience of my wife to turn to the faith.

Everything is on God’s timeline, not man’s.

Pray and love. Let go, and let God.

Everything will fall into place!

 

[TheLittleLady]

For example, one of my daughters keeps asking why she isn’t baptised,

By 7 learning good manners is VITAL.

Remind your daughter that manners apply at home. That mommy the reasons are personal to mom and that it is rude to keep asking. She ought apologize to her mom.

There are and will be other matters that are personal. We respect the boundaries of each other in a family.

Model apologizing to each other in front of, and to your kids. We all make mistakes, we all have our rude moments in a given day. “I am sorry that I was curt with you this morning”

recently said she was mad at my wife’s parents for not getting her baptised.

Your kids learn in good manners that it is impolite to say such things about their grandparents, I would have your 7 year old apologize for that one. “Mom, I am sorry I was disrespectful and rude about grandmother and grandfather.”

Witness to the faith is kindness. 1 Cor chapter 13 is our mission statement. “Be ye kind one to another” is our mantra.

I think it is a good thing, that if they ask enough maybe she will start asking herself, and then wanting to know more. At the same time, it is equally likely she will feel further “pressured” and turned off

Again, you are right she will feel pressured. Don’t let the kids turn into little inquisitors.

It will help them learn to respect the beliefs of others, a lifelong lesson in kindness.

You might buy a subscription to Formed.org and just have it there available, there are excellent resources on there preparing your daughter for her first confession and first communion.

 

[Allegra]

I don’t think that it’s rude for a child to ask a question like that, especially if she is learning about Baptsim. If mom has told her that she doesn’t want to talk about it and she persists, then that’s one thing, but I would want my daughter to feel comfortable talking to me about the big stuff in life. This is one of those instances that I think demonstrates the issues that come with being “unevenly yoked” in marriage regarding faith. I also don’t think there is enough info in the post to determine whether her “being mad” at grandparents was disrespectful or not, or even if the daughter confided these things to her mother or just to the OP. I don’t think requiring apologies of children for their feelings is appropriate, unless they actually do something or say something wrong. It might be a teachable moment for the OP to explain that not all people believe the same as we do and that’s not a reason to be angry.

 

[JackMcCoy]

You love your wife. You live your family.
Talk to your wife, but take it slow. Be understanding of her feelings.
Ultimately it is up to her whether she wants to share in your love of God.
We all want what we think is best for those whom we love.
But we can’t change how they feel. That has to come from them.
All we can do it to love them. And of course to pray for them.

 

[QwertyGirl]

Maybe she resents that she can’t be authentic with her children about what she believes, and why. I know she doesn’t need your permission to do this, but if you “give” her permission to be honest with the kids maybe that will help the situation. It should be fine for her to say the basics to them and explain that not everyone believes the same things. She should, of course, emphasize that what they believe is just fine with her (assuming it is).