God hasn’t abandoned you. Something I read that really touched me is “Even if you were the only one, He still would have died for you.” He made a world knowing you’d be in it, happy that you would one day walk in it. Before anything even existed, He knew you would one day, and He loved you. Since the moment of your birth, He has been calling to you.
Please remember when you struggle that your pain will end. Suicide may look tempting at times when you are truly low, but it is “a permanent solution to a temporary problem,” as I have seen elsewhere. (Actually saw it attributed to Phil Donahue. Who knew?) Anyway, however miserable you are, “this too shall pass,” but once your life is gone, it’s gone. As long as you breathe, you have another chance and a reason to hope with each passing moment. God WANTS you to be happy. He’s on your side. He may not always answer our prayers the way we like. Sometimes silence IS the answer. It doesn’t mean He’s not listening, or He doesn’t care, but He doesn’t think like we do and He knows everything, to be blunt. We don’t see the big picture, we can’t.
Suggestions to “make your life better.” First realize that you can change you, with the help of God’s grace, but you can’t always change your circumstances and you certainly can’t change other people. Focus on what you CAN do and leave the rest to God.
- Go to your priest. Preferably make an appointment, it sounds scary to do especially if you are very shy, but it is very important. Your priest is one of the ways God speaks to you, and he can answer your questions and specifically address your concerns in a personal way that we here cannot and with God-given authority as your spiritual father and confessor that none of us can claim. If you need further assistance, he should be able to help you find it.
Something that helps me make phone calls is to rehearse what I’m going to say, even to write it down to have a “cheat sheet.” Even with making appointments, this is helpful. I will even write down my own phone number to keep from forgetting out of nervousness. Something like, “Hi, I need to make an appointment to speak with Father (fill in the blank).” If you don’t know your priest’s name, just say “Father.” Who else are you going to mean?
If the person on the phone is nosy and wants to know why, just say you need advice on a personal matter.
- Focus on other people. Helping others will distract you from your misery and will make you feel better. But, you say, I’m shy! I feel ugly! I can’t! Oh yes you can. You’re on the computer anyway. Find some websites about your favorite interests and get involved. Even giving your best game advice is better than nothing. The preferable thing is to get out of the house entirely, of course, but if it’s too daunting right now, until you can get some solid spiritual advice just stick to what you can do. Do what you can, now.
- Be a good kind of joiner. If you CAN nerve yourself up to go out, try volunteering somewhere. Volunteers are passionate about something, they want to help, and you already start out with something in common with them which gives you an advantage you may not have with other people you randomly meet or go to school with or whatever. It will be a little awkward for you at first as you get to know people and overcome your self-consciousness, but even if it just a couple hours a week, it will help you.
Also consider groups at your Church- prayer groups, pro-life groups, if there are youth related things (don’t know much about that, personally, to give more specific advice). More good things to get you out. And out is good.
- Reassess your time. Schedule your computer and internet time. Allow yourself so much and no more. Set an alarm or timer if you tend to lose track of time. Plan for a certain amount of time spent in prayer and spiritual reading. Don’t be too ambitious. Start small. Maybe an Our Father, a Hail Mary, the novena prayer to St. Dymphna GracedUpon posted for you and 10 minutes of reading something spiritual- the Bible (the Gospels are a good place to start), the life of a saint (Story of a Soul by St. Therese of Lisieux is a great one and pretty easy to read). Just ideas, think about what would work for you. Pick a time to do them, if you’re not good with “schedules” a time based on an event, like right after breakfast, or before brushing your teeth at night, may be most helpful.
And don’t forget to take a couple of minutes to just talk to God. Tell Him how you are. Ask Him for the help of His grace. Thank Him for what He has given you.
I’d also suggest finding some other things you enjoy doing and spending more time on them. It’s not good to get unbalanced anyway. I am bad about this so I don’t really have room to talk, mind you. I also like computer games. But, variety is good for you.
- Have you hugged your mom lately?
Well, I hope some of these might help you. I’m not a priest or a doctor. I urge you again to talk to your priest. We can’t really help you very well on here. Things can get better! I used to be really, really shy but I’ve improved (even the phone thing is better, heh heh). At one time I could not even order my own food at a restaurant because I was too shy to talk to the waitress! Don’t lose hope.
