Did I commit a mortal sin? :(

[coffee_kat]

For the past couple of days my parents have been fighting horribly. Yesterday, they began screaming very loudly at each other, and it was mostly my dad screaming at my mom until he ended up making her cry. I know it was wrong, but I started screaming at him too, and then I became so angry at him that all I could think was how much I hated him for this. I kept saying this to my mom, how much I hated him, and all I could think the whole day was how bitter and hateful I was towards him. At the time I didn’t care whether I was sinning or not, just that I was so angry/wanted to hate him and hurt his feelings back. Now that I’ve calmed down, I realize that I likely sinned very badly I didn’t wish him harm or anything like that, just that he’d go run off somewhere or that I could disown him or something… (stupid, I know…) I don’t really hate him, I think, but I’m so upset that he screams at my mom. I love her so much and it is horrible to see her so hurt by him . Also I do plan on going to confession as soon as I can, but I am really upset I let my anger get to me and make me sin like this

I’m so sorry for the long post; please pray for peace in my family

 

[kptrs]

You should go to Confession. Your priest will be able to tell you whether you committed a mortal sin or not. Strangers on the Internet can’t speak to whether your sin was mortal or venial.

For what it’s worth, when I was reading your post, I thought you were talking about me when I was still living at home. Those were some dark times in my life. I feel for you.

Praying for your family.

 

[Eliza10]

Your feelings are not sins. Its what you do about them that can go into sin. Like vowing revenge on the offender - that’s a sin and needs repentance. It is okay to feel angry, hurt, betrayed, etc. Your feelings are not sins.

That said, I have confessed having bad feelings before. After my difficult divorce, I confessed to not liking and feeling repulsed by my ex, which was making me absolutely hate praying for him (it was the most dreaded part of my day), as, I know we are to pray for our enemies and those who persecute us.

The priest assured me my feelings were understandable and asked if I would be willing to to pray three Hail Mary’s for my ex everyday. So that is what I did. It was the perfect solution, because coming up with spontaneous prayer for the ex was actually a torture for me at the time. This way, I could ask Mary to pray for him, with her perfect heart, instead of my failing one, and in this prayer, concentrate not on the ex, but on Mary, when I prayed those prayers. And I could know I was giving my ex the best possible of all gifts - perfect loving prayer from the Most Highly Favored one.

Meanwhile I asked her to make my heart more like hers especially in regards to the ex. And I did not try to improve myself in that way, because my own efforts towards that were getting me nowhere but frustrated. Instead, I asked, and trusted God to work on my heart for me. And He did. Over time, the disgust paled and the anger and dislike dissipated. This could only be God’s work because like i said, my efforts yielded nothing. I was not a fool - the ex could never be trusted - but at least I did not feel disgust for him because of his weakness.

Its awfully hard to realize that someone you have loved and trusted - family forever - is someone who is not worthy of trust or esteem. Its a hard reality to accept. You can only pray for the grace to love the person more like Jesus does.

 

[kptrs]

Your feelings are not sins. Its what you do about them that can go into sin. Like vowing revenge on the offender - that’s a sin and needs repentance. It is okay to feel angry, hurt, betrayed, etc. Your feelings are not sins.

That said, I have confessed having bad feelings before. After my difficult divorce, I confessed to not liking and feeling repulsed by my ex, which was making me absolutely hate praying for him (it was the most dreaded part of my day), as, I know we are to pray for our enemies and those who persecute us.

The priest assured me my feelings were understandable and asked if I would be willing to to pray three Hail Mary’s for my ex everyday. So that is what I did. It was the perfect solution, because coming up with spontaneous prayer for the ex was actually a torture for me at the time. This way, I could ask Mary to pray for him, with her perfect heart, instead of my failing one, and in this prayer, concentrate not on the ex, but on Mary, when I prayed those prayers. And I could know I was giving my ex the best possible of all gifts - perfect loving prayer from the Most Highly Favored one.

Meanwhile I asked her to make my heart more like hers especially in regards to the ex. And I did not try to improve myself in that way, because my own efforts towards that were getting me nowhere but frustrated. Instead, I asked, and trusted God to work on my heart for me. And He did. Over time, the disgust paled and the anger and dislike dissipated. This could only be God’s work because like i said, my efforts yielded nothing. I was not a fool - the ex could never be trusted - but at least I did not feel disgust for him because of his weakness.

Its awfully hard to realize that someone you have loved and trusted - family forever - is someone who is not worthy of trust or esteem. Its a hard reality to accept. You can only pray for the grace to love the person more like Jesus does.

This is a great post. Thank you for sharing your story. God bless.

 

[Eliazer]

For the past couple of days my parents have been fighting horribly. Yesterday, they began screaming very loudly at each other, and it was mostly my dad screaming at my mom until he ended up making her cry. I know it was wrong, but I started screaming at him too, and then I became so angry at him that all I could think was how much I hated him for this. I kept saying this to my mom, how much I hated him, and all I could think the whole day was how bitter and hateful I was towards him. At the time I didn’t care whether I was sinning or not, just that I was so angry/wanted to hate him and hurt his feelings back. Now that I’ve calmed down, I realize that I likely sinned very badly I didn’t wish him harm or anything like that, just that he’d go run off somewhere or that I could disown him or something… (stupid, I know…) I don’t really hate him, I think, but I’m so upset that he screams at my mom. I love her so much and it is horrible to see her so hurt by him . Also I do plan on going to confession as soon as I can, but I am really upset I let my anger get to me and make me sin like this

I’m so sorry for the long post; please pray for peace in my family

No one from this post except priest and bishops, Monseigneurs, archbishops, cardinals
can answer this question. Because it has to do with soul and conscience I advise to ask to your Confessor as kptrs advised.

 

[DeniseNY]

I think it’s best that you go to confession and talk to your pastor about this. You seem to be in a very stressful situation where emotions are very high; and that can certainly cause one to behave in ways that one typically would not.

Don’t beat yourself up about this too much. Speak to your pastor and follow his advice.

I’ll say a prayer for you and your family.

 

[1Lord1Faith]

For the past couple of days my parents have been fighting horribly. Yesterday, they began screaming very loudly at each other, and it was mostly my dad screaming at my mom until he ended up making her cry. I know it was wrong, but I started screaming at him too, and then I became so angry at him that all I could think was how much I hated him for this. I kept saying this to my mom, how much I hated him, and all I could think the whole day was how bitter and hateful I was towards him. At the time I didn’t care whether I was sinning or not, just that I was so angry/wanted to hate him and hurt his feelings back. Now that I’ve calmed down, I realize that I likely sinned very badly I didn’t wish him harm or anything like that, just that he’d go run off somewhere or that I could disown him or something… (stupid, I know…) I don’t really hate him, I think, but I’m so upset that he screams at my mom. I love her so much and it is horrible to see her so hurt by him . Also I do plan on going to confession as soon as I can, but I am really upset I let my anger get to me and make me sin like this

I’m so sorry for the long post; please pray for peace in my family

It sounds like your parents let their emotions get the best of them too. Was this an isolated incident? Don’t answer that, just something to consider when you examine your conscience. Anyway, IMO, telling your yelling parents, in a frenzy of emotion, to shut their pie hole is not the worst thing in the world. Don’t forget, the Lord wants us to make peace with each other before we receive the Lord at mass. Have you told your dad you feel bad about yelling at him? Again, don’t answer that here.

It’s probably more important that you don’t let these types of incidents, that your parents have with each other, color your relationships when you are married/dating.

 

[Lost_Sheep]

The best thing to do is ask a priest.

 

[EasterJoy]

Your feelings are not sins. Its what you do about them that can go into sin. Like vowing revenge on the offender - that’s a sin and needs repentance. It is okay to feel angry, hurt, betrayed, etc. Your feelings are not sins.

That said, I have confessed having bad feelings before. After my difficult divorce, I confessed to not liking and feeling repulsed by my ex, which was making me absolutely hate praying for him (it was the most dreaded part of my day), as, I know we are to pray for our enemies and those who persecute us.

The priest assured me my feelings were understandable and asked if I would be willing to to pray three Hail Mary’s for my ex everyday. So that is what I did. It was the perfect solution, because coming up with spontaneous prayer for the ex was actually a torture for me at the time. This way, I could ask Mary to pray for him, with her perfect heart, instead of my failing one, and in this prayer, concentrate not on the ex, but on Mary, when I prayed those prayers. And I could know I was giving my ex the best possible of all gifts - perfect loving prayer from the Most Highly Favored one.

Meanwhile I asked her to make my heart more like hers especially in regards to the ex. And I did not try to improve myself in that way, because my own efforts towards that were getting me nowhere but frustrated. Instead, I asked, and trusted God to work on my heart for me. And He did. Over time, the disgust paled and the anger and dislike dissipated. This could only be God’s work because like i said, my efforts yielded nothing. I was not a fool - the ex could never be trusted - but at least I did not feel disgust for him because of his weakness.

Its awfully hard to realize that someone you have loved and trusted - family forever - is someone who is not worthy of trust or esteem. Its a hard reality to accept. You can only pray for the grace to love the person more like Jesus does.

This shows what a great help a good confessor can be.

OP, don’t concern yourself with whether your sin was mortal or venial. Go confess what you did wrong, including your decision to stop caring whether what you did was a sin or not, and do it as soon as possible. This toxic argument has spread its poison into you, and in your distress you decided to welcome the toxicity into your decision-making. Go and get that cleansed away. You might ask your priest if he has advice about how you can handle such a situation better in the future, or what you might say to your parents to make amends.

If you are in school, you may have a free source of discrete counselling there, too. You may find you’ll get through this more quickly and in better shape to face another incident if you talk to someone who is both trained to help with such a situation and professionally required to keep your parents’ situation from becoming public without reason. It should not be hidden from those who can help, but you can see from your own experience that knowledge of marital strife can harm those who have no reason to be involved.

 

[coffee_kat]

Thank you all so much for your kind answers and prayers. I was able to go to confession and now I feel a million times better!! The fighting has started up again unfortunately, but I will try very hard not to sin this time and be tempted by all the anger!