Did I commit Adultery?

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Three weeks ago I got married to the love of my life, he is also my best friend. we had a wonderful time on our honeymoon and have been settling in to married life which is not easy as I recently found out, and I know it will be a long road for the both of us and we have to able to work our problems out, which we have not really had problems communicating. However recently we got in a fight that is not like all the others, this was much different indeed and involved cursing and swearing, however I might have done something I regret and I feel guilty all the time.

here is what I did:

During our fight we said a bunch of things that we did not mean but I made the mistake of bring a male friend of mine into the conversation because I was chatting with him at the time, and in revenge I made it out like this male friend of mine was my boyfriend on the side, when in fact we are just friends and we have respect for each other, and the friend I was with does not know, because I felt there was no need. I did apologize to my husband for this and he has forgave me but I don’t think this is the end just yet

Did I not just commit Adultery in mind but in my heart and thoughts and through my lips? Should I confess this next time I make a confession to the Priest?

I need your advice and thoughts:shrug:
 
CatholiCommit said:
Three weeks ago I got married to the love of my life, he is also my best friend. we had a wonderful time on our honeymoon and have been settling in to married life which is not easy as I recently found out, and I know it will be a long road for the both of us and we have to able to work our problems out, which we have not really had problems communicating. However recently we got in a fight that is not like all the others, this was much different indeed and involved cursing and swearing, however I might have done something I regret and I feel guilty all the time.

here is what I did:

During our fight we said a bunch of things that we did not mean but I made the mistake of bring a male friend of mine into the conversation because I was chatting with him at the time, and in revenge I made it out like this male friend of mine was my boyfriend on the side, when in fact we are just friends and we have respect for each other, and the friend I was with does not know, because I felt there was no need. I did apologize to my husband for this and he has forgave me but I don’t think this is the end just yet

Did I not just commit Adultery in mind but in my heart and thoughts and through my lips? Should I confess this next time I make a confession to the Priest?

I need your advice and thoughts:shrug:
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Adultery, no.

You committed incredible cruelty to your husband. You lied to your husband in order to hurt him.

Confess those things.

You made an incredibly bad judgement; some things shouldn’t even be joked about. I can’t imagine saying something like that to my wife, knowing the pain it would cause her.

If you’re having this kind of fight only three weeks into marriage, I would be worried. Do you have a good priest you can go to for advice? Maybe he could help you find a Catholic marriage counsellor.

I will say a prayer for you and your marriage.

God Bless
 
I know it was hurtful, and I know it was wrong now, I am even sorry I did it.

There is a Priest at the parish I go to for some issues when I feel the need
 
I agree it wasn’t adultery, but extreme anger, and lies. I also agree with the advice to talk to a good priest about marriage counseling so that your marriage has a good foundation. I would also suggest developing your prayer life so that your marriage can be Christ focused. You have a good start by wanting to confess your sins.
 
Your husband was there, so he would know how he took it in the context of what kind of grenades you two were launching back and forth. Nevertheless, you’ve learned something scary about the landscape of your marriage. Also, your husband may also not feel safe in being totally honest about how you hurt him, for reasons that have to do with you and for reasons that have only to do with him. Things may not be as OK as he says. I don’t mean that he is lying to you. I mean that he may be in denial.

That doesn’t mean that your marriage is bad, though. It does mean you have some work to do. Do not put it off.

Tell your husband that you never, ever want to act like that towards him again, no matter what conflict comes up, and ask if he would agree to counselling toward that end? It is like surviving one of those fires brought on by the Santa Ana winds. If you are lucky enough to be missed by the fire, you don’t just wipe your brow and hope it doesn’t happen again. You educate yourself about what you need to do to your property and your general state of readiness, so that you will survive the next time. That next time is going to come. That isn’t to say you sit and worry. It is deciding you will do everything that you can, while you are in a position to do something, so as to not leave your fate to luck again. Act now, this week. The day the fire comes bearing down on you again, it may be too late.

The good news is that you may be doing work that will improve your marriage in ways you can’t imagine now, and in ways that you would not have felt necessary without this kind of scare. This isn’t rare among couples who find themselves forced to get counselling. They find that they wish they had done it years before. So go for it!
 
PS, Re: “…because I was chatting with him at the time…”

How to handle marital conflicts that arise while one of you is on the phone should be something you and your new husband talk about, but in general: if you find yourself in anything like a heated exchange with your spouse, and assuming that you are not literally talking a friend off of a ledge, politely tell whoever is on the phone that you’ll get back to him/her, and then hang up! You have just been given a bigger fish to fry.
 
I was actually on the internet with this friend it was not a phone conversation I should have made that clear in my post
 
bilop said:
Adultery, no.

You committed incredible cruelty to your husband. You lied to your husband in order to hurt him.

Confess those things.

You made an incredibly bad judgement; some things shouldn’t even be joked about. I can’t imagine saying something like that to my wife, knowing the pain it would cause her.

If you’re having this kind of fight only three weeks into marriage, I would be worried. Do you have a good priest you can go to for advice? Maybe he could help you find a Catholic marriage counsellor.

I will say a prayer for you and your marriage.

God Bless
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:sad_yes:
 
Just my 2 cents sweetie, but ditch all internet chatting with internet friends and work on your marriage and time with your sweetie.
 
Junebug999 said:
Just my 2 cents sweetie, but ditch all internet chatting with internet friends and work on your marriage and time with your sweetie.
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Seconded.

You have made a huge hole for doubt. You and your spouse need to sit down and communicate. Speak to your spiritual advisor, and soon, and your spouse sooner.
 
I want to thank those who have responded to me so far with your answers. The advice is appreciated very much.

However as most of you who are married and have been married a long time know that things do not fix themselves over night and that it takes time. Life as we know is not easy and never has been and never will be. my husband and I our continuing our communication with each other and always be honest no matter the case or cause or matter.

One thing that I can keep in my mind is when you are not fighting it means that something is wrong that is not say that fight in general is bad, but it is how sometimes we express ourselves. I know that my husband and I can get through anything, we have been through serious fights before with him and I know his demeanor.

Even if the marriage is new does not necessarily mean that it is automatically in trouble as I am sort of getting the impression it is. Counseling and having a Spiritual Advisor are great resources, and that will be something we should decide together. Right now we do not see the need for one or for counseling.

Marriages fail if people in the marriage let it fail, I believe it is because people try to hard or don’t try hard enough.

My main goal at the moment is to make a confession, because I will feel better Spiritually and Continue to be in Grace with God. I have not been Catholic long either and that is going to take time as well, I am starting to learn what I can and can not do, and Marriage is almost like that when it is new, it takes a while to know the in and outs.

Yes what I did to my husband was a bad thing and I have been talking to him and letting him know my sincerity and he believes me, whether or not there is more to it, if he wants me to know he will tell me and I have learned it is not always about questioning it, it is about letting it take the course to see where it will go in a healthy manner.

I am not going to say I am offended by the criticism, I am learning to take it as it comes at me.😊
 
Welcome to CAF – you will hear the good, the bad and the ugly here, especially when you confess your sins. Even if it comes across as harsh or misunderstanding, I sincerely believe that most everyone at CAF has a desire to see you enter the kingdom of heaven. They give the tough love because there really is no gray area with sin and sugar-coating doesn’t help anyone. Pray with your husband, keep your eyes on the Lord and maintain your sense of determination to work together with him for the strength of your marriage. It is a one-day-at-a-time thing, for sure, and it sounds like you realize that your behavior was a bad choice. Hang in there, and get thee to confession!

God bless you both!
 
Pray, pray and pray some more! Work toward your life together with God always in focus. Marriage is a vocation and a sacrament - both blessings from God.

The ‘things to work out’ and fighting frighten me. Working something out sounds like expecting change. You cannot go into a relationship expecting someone to change. You both may change, but it cannot be expected. We are who we are.

Love each other and treat each other as the creations of God you are.
 
CatholiCommit said:
Three weeks ago I got married to the love of my life, he is also my best friend. we had a wonderful time on our honeymoon and have been settling in to married life which is not easy as I recently found out, and I know it will be a long road for the both of us and we have to able to work our problems out, which we have not really had problems communicating. However recently we got in a fight that is not like all the others, this was much different indeed and involved cursing and swearing, however I might have done something I regret and I feel guilty all the time.

here is what I did:

During our fight we said a bunch of things that we did not mean but I made the mistake of bring a male friend of mine into the conversation because I was chatting with him at the time, and in revenge I made it out like this male friend of mine was my boyfriend on the side, when in fact we are just friends and we have respect for each other, and the friend I was with does not know, because I felt there was no need. I did apologize to my husband for this and he has forgave me but I don’t think this is the end just yet

Did I not just commit Adultery in mind but in my heart and thoughts and through my lips? Should I confess this next time I make a confession to the Priest?

I need your advice and thoughts:shrug:
Click to expand...
It is clear there are problems in the relationship that you need to solve. You didn’t commit adultery, but what you did was certainly scandalous- and a sin (probably mortal) against charity. Go to confession as soon as possible. Also, you may want to see a marriage counselor or priest for help. As a newly-married couple, you now have to learn to live together- and that isn’t always easy. You can find help along the way, and you can help each other too. If you love your husband, and meant the vows you made to God, to the Church, and to your husband three weeks ago, you need to strengthen yourselves in your new state in life.
 
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