Did I do the right thing? 😳

[CheerfulTabby22]

Hey awesome CF peeps!

So…erm…I found myself in kind of a predicament, recently!

There is a forty-six year-old man who had been coming in to my place of work pretty often, and I didn’t think much of it, because- well- it’s a Store, ya know?

He would talk to me each time he’d come in, and I would always try to be super friendly (That’s just how I like to roll, ya know? Treat peeps with love, like they’re family!)

Wellll…uh, one day he mentioned being Catholic, invited me to the local Catholic Church (The church I’ve been considering going to for the past um, three years now, heheh) And then randomly said, “Yeah, things have been hectic, since I recently divorced my wife…”

Whelp…finally, the gears started workin’, guys, and I began to feel a little uncomfortable…

“I Uh, would ask you out on a date, too, but you’re a little younger than me…” He sounded so um, regretful.

And I didn’t wanna CONFIRM what he’d said and hurt his feelings, but I also didn’t wanna give him false hope… nervous gulps

So I said, “Well, I think you an awesome, godly person, and I know a ton of ladies who’d prolly love to meet ya! But uh, yeah, heheh, um, my uh, my dad would probably freak out- he’s protective!”

And he totes got more serious, he suddenly seemed more aggressive, “You’re a grown adult, your dad should understand.”

Hello~ alarm bells.
Blushing in discomfort and stammering awkwardly, I made some excuse about hurrying back to work, and slunk away-

I’ve been avoiding the fella since. He tried to find me on Facebook (EEP) And I blocked him…

On one hand, I feel I may have behaved uncharitably, and on the other, I’ve had a few stalkers, (Prolly too darn nice ) and feel I mighta successfully avoided another!

Also…it’s unfortunate that he goes to the closest Catholic Church. If I ever DO work up the courage to go…it’d be awkward, sitting in proximity to this fella…

I just hope I did the right thing.

Just a quick note: No disrespect intended towards anyone with a significant age-gap in their relationship! (All I’m sayin’ is I didn’t feel the same way as this person- and wasn’t interested in dating him)

Another note: Um, I also think the divorce was way too fresh for this fella to be looking into other relationships- because when he tried to friend me on Facebook, his ex-wife (She’s beautiful, and the children look just like her! ) was in his Profile picture!

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Tell him you’re sorry but you don’t date divorced men.

Then be pleasant to him but avoid him going forward.

This type of guy is bad news. He may seem nice, but he’s bad news. I knew enough of them when I was your age. (Some of them lied to me about being divorced. Some of them weren’t divorced yet and still wanted to meet up with me because their wife didn’t understand them. Some of them lied about having a wife and claimed she was just a girlfriend they broke up with.)

And you will indeed save yourself a lot of headaches if you just don’t date divorced men.

 

[CheerfulTabby22]

Thank ya for the advice! I guess this is the first time I’ve ever been asked out by a divorced person before- I feel bad for excluding someone for that reason- but the fella definitely gave me weird vibes! Also, good point- I wonder if he was really divorced?

 

[angel12]

Thank ya for the advice! I guess this is the first time I’ve ever been asked out by a divorced person before- I feel bad for excluding someone for that reason- but the fella definitely gave me weird vibes!

I don’t think you were uncharitable. Especially when you felt he got a little aggressive. Just remember – “No, thank you” is a complete sentence. No further explanation is required.

 

[Lou2U]

You were definitely not uncharitable. He got pushy when you said no, which is all you need to know about him.

If he comes back and tries again, I’d let your manager know.

 

[CheerfulTabby22]

Thank you so much! It’s like pulling teeth for me to just say, “No” in general to others (Without an explanation) definitely something I’m trying to improve on!

 

[CheerfulTabby22]

Thank you! The good (And alarming) part about that is- one of my managers already noticed, he (The manager) walked over and gently said, “I saw a guy literally watching you for ten minutes earlier from across the room. Do you want me to say something, Tabs?”

I said no, not yet. But I reckon’ I may hafta take him up on that if it continues.

 

[1Lord1Faith]

because when he tried to friend me on Facebook,

How did that happen? Your saying that he knows your name?

Anyway, don’t let this guy push you away from that church. Whoever this guy is, he is extremely unwise to approach you in this way. Red Flags big time. If you decide to go to that church you most likely won’t see him. No one in their right mind would regularly go to a certain parish and then go telling the woman that they are stalking that they go to that parish.

 

[CheerfulTabby22]

Oh! I think he got it from my name badge. And, while promoting my department of the store, my picture was posted on the store’s Facebook Page as kind of a “Employee Of the Month” thing.

(Which is very flattering! I don’t feel I do THAT good of a job Um, but it wasn’t too long after that that he tried to friend me… ) And, with it bein’ sorta a small town, I think it’s kinda easy to find me.

Thank you, I definitely won’t! There’s a part of me that I think looks for any excuse to avoid how drawn I feel, towards the Church- (Despite how much I love the peeps in it!) So I would feel anxious about it, anyway, I think. But this is somethin’ that I’ll try not to worry about!

Agree with you, also. So many red flags, about the situation!

 

[Joe_5859]

It sounds like you handled the situation pretty well, all things considered. As Lou2U said, definitely inform your manager if he tries that again.

I understand you want to be nice and don’t like telling others “no” (I’m much the same). But sometimes you do have to be blunt as certain guys take ambiguity as an invitation to try harder. I think Bear’s suggestion of just saying you don’t date divorced men is a good way to shut it down should he approach you again.

 

[MaryEstelle2]

In reading the O P post I imediatly got the sense that your super friendlines was construed as being flerty to that guy. With that in mind you mght want to keep that in mind in the future. I know a Sister that is super friendly around men who is totatally unaware she is ‘flirty’ around them, but you can see how they respond. Are you ‘super friendly’ with female customers as well? Try to treat all your costumers equally.

As far as the divored man it seems like he is already on the hunt. I’ll bet he has been on the hunt before so you did well to back off and keep it work-and not a playground, Keep it professional and you can be nice and friendly at the same time. Good luck.