Did I sin?

[iloveGod143]

Hello all,
I went to lunch today with a guy friend(strictly friends) who I haven’t seen in few months, and we were talking about something related to boyfriend and girlfriends, and he said “when was the last time you had a boyfriend?” in a sarcastic tone because since we’ve been friends I hadn’t been dating anyone, so I said to him “well, i’m kind of talking to someone”, implying that i am dating someone when I am not. I did meet a guy through a friend who I now recently talk to, but I don’t think I would date him but I like talking to him as a friend… so technically I don’t think I lied, but I did want him to think something else as in I was dating someone but I’m not. How much of a sin is this? I feel bad, so I will confess the next time I go to confession, but would confessing that I lied to someone be accurate to say? Or, should I say “made someone think something else that was not true”?

 

[1ke]

Sounds like you may tend towards scruples to me. Perhaps you nee guidance from your priest because this is no sin at all.

 

[jsaldar]

NO…If that is a sin… I really am very fearful for my soul now…

 

[Catholic_Prime_2]

nope

 

[Aelred_Minor]

Sounds like a justifiable mental reservation. What you said was not strictly speaking false, and he did not have a right to know the information that you withheld. That’s not to say it couldn’t be a sin (I would assume venial, obviously) due to purely subjective reasons.

 

[Pekita]

Even though you did not commit any sin (all the above answers are right), your sensitiveness not to ofend our Lord is very acute, and that´s admirable. Talk to your priest.

 

[sllhouette]

I find it helpful if I ask myself many questions when I get into situations like this.
I would ask myself:
“Why did I say I was talking to someone when I don’t feel like I am?”
“Why did you want him to think you were dating someone?”
“Why does this bother you?”
“How did I feel when he started talking about having a boyfriend?”
“Why did you answer the question ‘do you have a boyfriend’ when he asked, ‘how long has it been’?”

I would take the guess in your situation that when he asked about you having a boyfriend that you would feel a social pressure expecting you to be in a relationship. Maybe there was a part of you that felt like being single was bad so you tried to respond in a way that minimized your ‘guilt’. To put it differently, maybe you responded that way because you thought it would be a more socially acceptable response. Or, maybe you thought he was interested in you and you didn’t want him to be…

The point I am trying to get you to see is that the question of “why” is as important as the question of “what” when dealing with sin.

 

[FaithBuild18]

I don’t know, maybe I completely misunderstood the post, but it sounded to me like you were trying to be deceptive. Is my understanding correct in that you wanted him to think that you were indeed dating another guy, when you were in fact not dating another guy? When I do these kind of things I consider myself deceptive and manipulative.

Perhaps I entirely misunderstood the story though?

 

[iloveGod143]

I don’t know, maybe I completely misunderstood the post, but it sounded to me like you were trying to be deceptive. Is my understanding correct in that you wanted him to think that you were indeed dating another guy, when you were in fact not dating another guy? When I do these kind of things I consider myself deceptive and manipulative.

Perhaps I entirely misunderstood the story though?

No, you are right… I was trying to make him think I was dating another guy when I am not. I didn’t use the word dating, but that’s what I wanted him to think I guess (not necessarily wanting him to think I have a boyfriend, but for him to think I met someone who I was interested in dating). I technically did meet someone, and I was thinking of that person if he asked me any questions, but I only like this guy for a friend. I think i was being deceptive though, but I don’t know how much of a sin that would be or how to confess this.

 

[FaithBuild18]

No, you are right… I was trying to make him think I was dating another guy when I am not. I didn’t use the word dating, but that’s what I wanted him to think I guess (not necessarily wanting him to think I have a boyfriend, but for him to think I met someone who I was interested in dating). I technically did meet someone, and I was thinking of that person if he asked me any questions, but I only like this guy for a friend. I think i was being deceptive though, but I don’t know how much of a sin that would be or how to confess this.

You might find this helpful: catholicapologetics.info/thechurch/catechism/TenCommandments-eighth.shtml

“In its explanation we shall proceed as we have done with regard to the others, pointing out that in it are contained two laws. The first forbids us to bear false witness. The other commands us to lay aside all dissimulation and deceit, and to measure our words and actions by the standard of truth, a duty of which the Apostle admonishes the Ephesians in these words: Doing the truth in charity, let us grow up in all things in him.”

I too do not know the severity of a little deception, though I am inclined like the others to think it only venial. I doubt it will seriously jeapordize your soul, unless it paves way to habits of deception for one’s own benefit.

This is one of my favorite commandments, because I don’t think a lot of people understand the vastness which this commandment covers. Flattery for example is sinful. Lying to one’s neighbor in order to make them feel better about themselves, is also sinful. Even if that person is a dying family member, it is gravely immoral to lie to that person about things like their chances of survival (just as an example) to make them feel better. All forms of deception are sinful.

The catechism makes exceptions for cases in which killing people is not murder and thus not sinful. But there are no exceptions listed where lying is not sinful. We are called to always be truthful, even when it puts us out of our comfort zone.

I don’t know for certain whether or not your actions were actually sinful, but I can tell that it is unsettling to you. Natural Law has this magnificent way of revealing itself in our conscience. I think deep down you are feeling that you did something that was not right. That is the key reason why I think it is worth confessing. It sounds like you were raised very well and have a very sharp conscience. I admire you for that. Like I said, if it was me I would consider it slightly manipulative and deceptive and wouldn’t feel too good about it either. I wouldn’t make a special trip to confess it, but the next time I go to confession it wouldn’t hurt to talk to your priest about it.

I actually have confessed things similar to this in my past. Not specific events, but after evaluating my conscience before one confession I came away with this feeling that I have wronged others by trying to manipulate their thoughts into a way that is convenient for me. The priest was impressed that I had made such a realization about myself.

Bottom line, if it troubles you, there is probably a reason why. Others here have disagreed with me and probably will continue to disagree with me, so your course of action is ultimately your choice to make.