Did your kids choose to be altar servers? Did you? Or was it an expectation?

[LikeaChild]

My son is 11. He has always wanted to be an altar server. He likes to hang around the sacristy and ask questions and shadow the priests and servers around after Mass. Both of our priests have been looking forward to him joining the newest class of altar servers when they are trained in January. Also, our church desperately needs more servers.

Recently, though, my son has been losing interest and said he doesn’t want to become a server. He has said he is too scared and thinks he will make a mistake.

In other activities, I give him choice. He wants to be in theater classes, so he is. He hated soccer, so he did that for only one year, and so on. But with this, my instinct is to require that he participate, that he at least do the training and give it a shot. I hope this will nurture his sense of commitment to the church.

What do you think? Thanks for your advice.

 

[1Lord1Faith]

I’d try to help him overcome his fear. Do whatever it takes.

Mine didn’t show enough interest in it this year for me to push it. So I let it go. Maybe next year.

 

[s.cono]

I can understand the fear factor as I went through it myself 45 years ago. Fear of making a mistake, mainly. I went through the required training and practice that was given at the time. I felt like I really wasn’t ready, but then I was assigned my first mass which was on a weekend, and it would be with another server, who wasn’t a rookie, so I was good with that.

During the week before I was scheduled for my first mass, I was summoned to the telephone by my mom, around 8 in the evening. It was father, and he was stuck with an empty slot in an early morning weekday mass, because the boy scheduled took ill. What really scared me was that in a weekday mass there was usually only one server, unless it was something special, like a funeral mass. Father convinced me to give it a go. He said he’d be there for me if I forgot something. I vaguely remember the “butterflys in my stomach” feeling before we left the sacristy, but once we got underway I was so focused on not forgetting my tasks, that I had no time for fear. The other kids in my class were a little envious that I got to solo before they did.

I think your boy will do fine. Nobody pushed me, though. Maybe a gentle nudge. Good luck.

 

[Irishmom2]

My first 2 wanted to serve. Back then, children served at daily mass as the Catholic school was next door to the church. The pastor was very particular, children were trained well and were rewarded with their choice of three hard candies afterward.

My son continued until middle school, my daughter Until about 10th grade when she made her confirmation, and became a lector.

I never forced it, and often, they filled in during Sunday mass when others did not show up.

My 3rd child was never interested. And though I was disappointed, I did not force him to serve.

 

[ChorusAngelorum]

I have no children, but I can speak for myself. My dad was an altar boy, but I never really thought of doing it when I was a kid. I was pretty shy and I don’t remember my parents ever asking me if I wanted to, or if they did, at least they didn’t push it.

It was only as a young adult attending daily Mass that I was taught and served for several years. It may not have been as a kid, but I did eventually don the surplice and cassock!

I sympathize with the “stage fright”, but the best thing is to assure your son that he’ll get over it quickly, especially when he’s no longer the “low man on the totem pole” and can begin to help train the younger ones. I would gently encourage him.

 

[His_helpmeet]

All 6 of us kids served and my stepdaughter has served as well.

Hubby didn’t serve but that is because he was not raised Catholic (JW but converted to Catholicism as an adult before we got together).

I would not force the issue. I DO suggest asking him about his fears. It may be helpful for Father to speak with him about any fears or questions he may have.

 

[JulianN]

What liturgical ministries are you and your spouse participating in at church? If you’re uncomfortable being, say, a lector, how would you feel if someone forced you to do it?

I think forcing this has the potential to build resentment rather than a love for the Mass. I would refrain from doing that.

 

[Brendea]

My son who has minor disabilities wants to be an alter server he’s also 11.
We think it’s a good thing he is asking if he can be an alter server at the church 27km away and not 600 meters up the road as it’s smaller and less people go and those that do go understand his problems.
Is there away you can get your son started off at a smaller church

 

[Legend]

Is there a possibility that the older servers have been teasing him, or making him nervous?

Ask him. Don’t be afraid of ‘putting ideas in his head’. All kids get teased about some things. If you want to be extra careful, just ask if anything has changed, since he started watching the others, and letting them know he planned to serve with them.

Either way, try and reassure him. If he still doesn’t want to participate, have him speak to one of the priests, privately. If he still doesn’t want do, I wouldn’t push it.

Does he have to make commitment, before attending the required instructions? If not, I see no harm in having him attend. That way, you can be reasonably sure that he is learning from the right people!

Whatever is decided, I wish him the very best. You can be proud he has advanced this far.

God Bless all of you!

 

[LikeaChild]

Thanks, all, for your replies! I knew there would be great wisdom here.

As he is already signed up for the training, I am planning to honor that and have him attend. I will encourage him as best I can but will not force him if he does not want to proceed after the training. It could be that as he gets older he will be less fearful. Also, knowing his personality, a more “behind-the-scenes” role might be a better fit.