A
Amalie
Guest
My sister has been unkind to my parents for years and they have tolerated/enabled it. I have also enabled it because I just wanted her to love me, and I settled for less than appropriate behavior. She doesn’t take feedback or criticism well, so you have to be really courageous to confront her. And I’m trying get better about confronting people when needed rather than just pretending it’s ok.
For example- sister lived with mom and sad rent free for 5 years as a single mom. Parents tried to ask for rent and she always had excuses. Meanwhile I never moved back in, always paid my own way, paid my own student loans, worked multiple jobs, etc. she used to come “visit” my husband and I, but only when she needed a babysitter. Not to actually spend time with us.
Sister hasn’t contributed anything to my parents home/finances- it’s long and complex but my parents were in a real financial disaster because my dad has presumed CTE (from playing football and is impulsive and has a LOOONG history of depression, difficulty working. Mom had a hard time “managing” him because of her own stress and depression. I helped mom with finances for years, and invested a good amount of time and money into helping with home damage after a flood, and in helping fix up the house with repairs that needed to be done. Not much from sister. Actually nothing contributed. Which didn’t bother me because my sister and brother in law were trying to get financially on solid ground themselves. But then they would ask us for help with credit card debt etc. ( we said no).
This year mom got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and dad has mild dementia, and living alone in their home was too much to keep up with for them , both financially and chores /maintenance wise. My sister tried to move them in with her ( Even though I knew it wouldn’t work and warned her. ) Mom and sister fought like cats and dogs.my sister said some incredibly hurtful things about my parents including “I should charge them rent”. ( because she never paid rent? How is this logical? ). I moved my mom out with us and sister hasn’t called in 3 weeks. We have much less square footage for the 4 of us than they have but much more peace.
I’m trying to not judge. But I really think she’s a jerk. This is so painful. I feel like an orphan- no sister I can count on, losing mom and dad.
She has gotten away with being a jerk for a long time. I long for justice and for her to realize how selfish she is, and to change. I don’t want to “lower my standards” and teach her that her that this behavior is ok. It’s not. . Does anyone have siblings like this who have changed? I just want this cross to be over. I want her guardian angel to kick her in the butt and help her be giving and loving.
Im tired of being the only one running around trying to hold this family together when no one seems to care other than my mom. And she is dying. I’m just so angry I could cry.
Yes I have a counselor. And yes it was therapeutic to share this.
Other tips?
For example- sister lived with mom and sad rent free for 5 years as a single mom. Parents tried to ask for rent and she always had excuses. Meanwhile I never moved back in, always paid my own way, paid my own student loans, worked multiple jobs, etc. she used to come “visit” my husband and I, but only when she needed a babysitter. Not to actually spend time with us.
Sister hasn’t contributed anything to my parents home/finances- it’s long and complex but my parents were in a real financial disaster because my dad has presumed CTE (from playing football and is impulsive and has a LOOONG history of depression, difficulty working. Mom had a hard time “managing” him because of her own stress and depression. I helped mom with finances for years, and invested a good amount of time and money into helping with home damage after a flood, and in helping fix up the house with repairs that needed to be done. Not much from sister. Actually nothing contributed. Which didn’t bother me because my sister and brother in law were trying to get financially on solid ground themselves. But then they would ask us for help with credit card debt etc. ( we said no).
This year mom got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and dad has mild dementia, and living alone in their home was too much to keep up with for them , both financially and chores /maintenance wise. My sister tried to move them in with her ( Even though I knew it wouldn’t work and warned her. ) Mom and sister fought like cats and dogs.my sister said some incredibly hurtful things about my parents including “I should charge them rent”. ( because she never paid rent? How is this logical? ). I moved my mom out with us and sister hasn’t called in 3 weeks. We have much less square footage for the 4 of us than they have but much more peace.
I’m trying to not judge. But I really think she’s a jerk. This is so painful. I feel like an orphan- no sister I can count on, losing mom and dad.
She has gotten away with being a jerk for a long time. I long for justice and for her to realize how selfish she is, and to change. I don’t want to “lower my standards” and teach her that her that this behavior is ok. It’s not. . Does anyone have siblings like this who have changed? I just want this cross to be over. I want her guardian angel to kick her in the butt and help her be giving and loving.
Im tired of being the only one running around trying to hold this family together when no one seems to care other than my mom. And she is dying. I’m just so angry I could cry.
Yes I have a counselor. And yes it was therapeutic to share this.
Other tips?
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