Difficult Sponsor

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Hello. I started RCIA with my husband in August. An elderly and frail couple, who are pillars in our church, latched on to us almost immediately. They were very nice at first, but have become very invasive and bossy. They told the RCIA director that we chose them to be our sponsors–and that was not true. 🤷

My sponsor, the lady, is very “in your face” and griped me out in front of the priest and deacon for not using holy water as I entered the church right before we celebrated the rite of welcome and acceptance. She marred what should have been a moving and wonderful experience for us. Quite frankly, she is pushing me away. Her actions are causing my husband and I a lot of stress. :confused:

Just wanting to hear some thoughts. I don’t think we can change sponsors. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, and I don’t want to be ostracized because of this couples’ high standing in the church.

Thank you!
 
Tough it out, and offer it up for your high standing before God.

…won’t last much longer and the association between you will be over…

Difficult people (as well-meaning they might be) are your ‘saint-makers’. I always kind of chuckle when I hear of others ‘high standing’ in the catholic church.

Last Sundays gospel spells it out. We come to serve.

Good luck!
 
I am the RCIA lay director for our parish, so I can tell you I have had some experience with this.

The best thing to do is to approach the leader of your RCIA, and explain the situation as gently as possible. They should either have a nice little heart to heart with your sponsor, or switch them for you.

Your journey into the Church is more important than the sponsors feelings, IMHO.

We have switched sponsors for people before, by just tellling the sponsor they are a better fit for another individual. Which is ultimately true.

Bless you, and welcome home!!
 
My thought is… I think you should confront this. Not with anger, nor with any resentment, but it is so very important that you take these delicate steps toward the true faith with confidence. If this couple is causing you distress, I believe it would be best to separate from them. I would thank them for all of their help, their openness, their caring… and kindly inform them that you would like to have so-and-so as your sponsor. You could let them know that you have been praying about this, and really feel that so-and-so would be a great fit for you.

I am praying for you. What an uncomfortable situation to be in! Please stay strong. And welcome home, by the way. :hug3:
 
Thank you for your advice & prayers.

I am pretty sure that our RCIA director knows how difficult this couple is. I’ve watched their interactions. Everyone tolerates them–very thinly. :rolleyes: My bet is that my husband & I are the only ones in the class who could take these two sponsors without openly complaining to our teachers. Plus, sponsors are in shortage at our church. I am just sad that the process is being marred, especially for my husband. (He is a catechumen & I am a candidate. )

I do believe this is a trial. I am going to reflect & pray over this more before I make a decision.

Thank you. :):gopray:
 
leopardprint said:
Hello. I started RCIA with my husband in August. An elderly and frail couple, who are pillars in our church, latched on to us almost immediately. They were very nice at first, but have become very invasive and bossy. They told the RCIA director that we chose them to be our sponsors–and that was not true. 🤷

My sponsor, the lady, is very “in your face” and griped me out in front of the priest and deacon for not using holy water as I entered the church right before we celebrated the rite of welcome and acceptance. She marred what should have been a moving and wonderful experience for us. Quite frankly, she is pushing me away. Her actions are causing my husband and I a lot of stress. :confused:

Just wanting to hear some thoughts. I don’t think we can change sponsors. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, and I don’t want to be ostracized because of this couples’ high standing in the church.

Thank you!
Click to expand...
You can change sponsors if you are still in the pre-catechumenate: - you don’t even need one 'til the rite of election.
 
I think you should tell your RCIA director that you did not choose this couple as your sponsors. Then let the RCIA director deal with the situation. You are not obligated to support a lie.
 
You are the ones in RCIA. This is not about them. This is about you. It is not often in life you can say that, but this is truly about what is best for you. Those that wish to serve as sponsors must also be willing to not serve as sponsors, or else they were never really serving anyone but themselves. The program is supposed to be about spiritual growth for those coming in, not a gate-keeping program from the old guard.
 
agnes_therese said:
I think you should tell your RCIA director that you did not choose this couple as your sponsors. Then let the RCIA director deal with the situation. You are not obligated to support a lie.
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I agree with you. I was startled when the couple announced this to the class the week before sponsors were assigned. 🤷

Still praying over this dilemma!
 
Armor_of_Light said:
Tough it out, and offer it up for your high standing before God.

…won’t last much longer and the association between you will be over…

Difficult people (as well-meaning they might be) are your ‘saint-makers’. I always kind of chuckle when I hear of others ‘high standing’ in the catholic church.

Last Sundays gospel spells it out. We come to serve.

Good luck!
Click to expand...
That has been my inclination. 😉
 
Yes, you can ask for and receive a different sponsor.

Simply be honest with the RCIA coordinator. Tell her what you have told us, that you did not ask them to be your sponsors, they have become invasive and rude, and you are not comfortable continuing to have them as sponsors. Ask for another sponsor.
 
1ke said:
Yes, you can ask for and receive a different sponsor.

Simply be honest with the RCIA coordinator. Tell her what you have told us, that you did not ask them to be your sponsors, they have become invasive and rude, and you are not comfortable continuing to have them as sponsors. Ask for another sponsor.
Click to expand...
Thank you for the advice!
 
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