Difficulty Trusting in God's Providence

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So I’m a young adult 80-90% sure that marriage is my vocation and I can’t help looking back on a past failure in my life where I didn’t listen to God and missed an opportunity of my life that would have been a huge blessing as I see it.

A few years ago I dated a rather unholy man(let’s call him Mr X) even though my conscience advised against it. We broke up but I was still smitten over him. About a week after the break-up a friend of mine who was a super holy guy with all the things I would want in a husband asked me out (unknowing I had been in a relationship over the past few months). I used to have a crush on this friend but he was on the shy side and never showed me he liked me back so I moved on. When he asked me out on a date I was so torn because of my continued infatuation with Mr X. I went on a few dates with the friend but kept thinking about Mr X and even came back home crying from a date because I missed him so much even though I knew this friend was right for me. I ended up breaking it off with the friend and he was completely crushed. He looked like he was about to cry and avoided me for like a week after. I felt horrible because I didn’t want to break things up with him.

So the friend and I eventually reconnected. The problem is he moved to the opposite side of the country for work and seems completely uninterested in being more than friends with me now. I feel horrible that I missed out on actually having a great holy relationship and possibly being engaged at this point. I’m really struggling to believe in God’s providence right now because I feel like I went against God’s will by dating Mr X and missed the potential future husband I could have had. It’s very hard to meet people in my daily life, let alone holy, attractive, intellectual, coming from a great family, and health conscious guys who share my morals. I’ve literally spent the past year in regret and it breaks my heart thinking about this guy. I guess I’m asking for reassurance, advice,…?
 
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Have you tried telling your friend exactly what you wrote here - that you feel very badly that you blew your chance with him, that you’re sorry and realize you made a big mistake, and could you perhaps have another chance?

It’s also entirely possible that you and your friend would not have ended up getting married, even if you hadn’t been thinking about another man. Sometimes a person can have a crush or an attraction to someone else and later decide, after some period of dating, that their crush is not, after all, the “right” person for them or that God is calling them elsewhere.

Frankly, I think one barometer of whether two people are meant to be together is a sustained interest that overcomes blips like what you describe. If the guy can’t or doesn’t want to move past the fact that you broke it off once, it’s not meant to be. I had a really up and down relationship with my husband before we were married, this up and down stuff went on for years. He never lost interest in me. He just went with the flow. And we finally did get married and stayed married for 23 years till he died. It was all of his “being there” for me even when he was in and out of what people today would call “the friend zone” that made me realize he was truly a special and reliable man and that I should be with him for life.
 
God will always work things for your good, and if you’re at a place in your life where you’re doing your best to cooperate with His grace and seek His will that’s much easier. I’ll share a bit of my own journey that’s similar to yours in some ways.

I got married pretty young; it’s safe to say we both rushed into it. There was no marriage prep and we’d only been dating less than a year. At the time I wasn’t a Christian (it was the furthest thing from my mind) but I was trying to find the Truth, in my own way. Long story short I wound up committing my life to Christ and my wife and I spent the next 5ish years in Baptist congregations, but I always had some questions and issues that never seemed to get answers. Eventually I started a long journey that would lead me back to the Catholic faith of my youth. My wife was shocked, horrified, angry. Her family hates the Church and don’t think Catholics are Christians. There have been a lot of fights, a lot of angry words, a lot of tears in my home since I came back. Sometimes it’s worse than others and I have to ask, “Why is this the way it had to be?” Since I grew up Catholic I knew plenty of Catholic girls, and when my wife and I separated for a year my parents would casually mention someone I had known or someone they knew who was single. Fortunately we put our family back together, but it’s frustrating all the same to see my friends at Mass with their families. Why couldn’t I have made a better choice earlier? Why hasn’t my wife softened her position?

When I get into these moods I notice I’ve lost appreciation for what I do have. Gratitude goes a long way to establishing a better outlook. You’re in a position I never was- you realize how important your faith is and how being Catholic and committed to Christ and His Church demands a different standard for marriage. When I bought our first house we just needed a roof and 4 walls. We like our house, but I didn’t have the luxury of time, of waiting to get something we really loved. Now we can take all the time we need to find a great house, there’s no rush or demand on us to move. You’re in a similar situation, and that’s a grace a lot of married people arent afforded. Gratitude for those daily graces often puts our plans and expectations into better perspective and helps us see how much grace sustains us day by day, which in turn helps us trust that God really is working things out for our good.
 
He knows I felt bad about it because I explained things to him later on but I didn’t ask for a second chance. I never confessed my feelings for him but I would occasionally beat around the bush and ask subtle questions to figure out how he feels. He says we shouldn’t try anything more because we live super far apart right now
 
I guess I’m more afraid that there won’t be anyone left if I take my time. People in this world are turning away from God by the minute…they say there’s billions of men out there but most of them are people I wouldn’t even consider dating
 
I struggle to know what to pray for as well… how do I know my prayers aren’t in vain
 
Joyful - what a first sentence !
For a young adult - to write that - bravo !
 
First off, you NEVER made a mistake. When you were dating the Catholic man, you had a crush on someone else and were honest by breaking up with him. Only a self centered person dates someone when they have a crush on someone else. So pay yourself on the back for your kindness

Secondly, if he no longer wants to try, the ‘we live to far apart’ might simply be the eaiser thing to say than ‘no longer interested’

Secondly, I can’t help but think that if you did stay with him, he would have eventually come to the realization you are not for him since he is no longer interested. Shows you weren’t a match

As for being 80-90% sure marriage is for you…I would be careful to believe that. When I was you marriage is all I ever wanted. Now i am 48 never married and couldn’t be happier about it. It would have been nice to have known 3 decades ago how great being single is. I wouldn’t have wasted so much time worrying about it
 
Joyful, a very devout woman I know gave me wise advice years ago. She said, “let God pick your spouse.” Ironically, I met my husband at her house some months later. We just celebrated our 24th wedding anniversary.

If God wants you to be with this young man that you’re missing, it will happen. In the meantime, give those feelings of caring about him to God. Pray for his health and well being, his career success, his happiness. Unselfish prayers are heard and blessed by God. Plus, learning to put another ahead of your own desires is excellent preparation for marriage.

Joyful, I am praying for you. God bless.
 
I meant marriage vs being a nun. All I’ve ever thought about since I myself was a kid is having kids but I’m open to God’s call to religious life as well. I don’t believe God calls us to live a vocation without loving another, whether that be your religious sisters and Him or your spouse and kids
 
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