Difficulty with confession because of Trauma

[TotusTuusForever]

Several years ago I went through a nervous breakdown. I was experiencing abuse from multiple people at once and during that time I did a few things that I’m not proud of. I’m not even sure they were mortal sin (and for some I’m not even sure they are sins). But, I was going to mention them in confession today anyways to get them off my chest. But after I arrived at church I sat in the car and did my examination of conscience I was so scrupulous/experiencing PTSD that I cried so much and ended up being such a slobbery mess that I wouldn’t have been able to go inside the church without disturbing everyone inside. I feel so confused. I don’t know if my conscience is right or if the abusive gaslighting and guilt tripping I experienced had made my conscience too sensitive. I really wish I could find a spiritual director but I live in a remote area now and they barely have enough priests to say mass on the weekends. I’m not sure if anyone has any advice for me, but please at least pray for me.

 

[MNathaniel]

I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. I have just offered a prayer for you.

I will say that I have cried during Confession before, more than once. It is okay to cry during Confession.

If you have scrupulosity or PTSD (and have experienced abuse and a nervous breakdown, as you mentioned), I hope you have access to counselling? It’s possible that counselling will be helpful for you on your road back to Confession.

Personally if you’re able, I think what I might do if I were you, is call your Church and ask to schedule a Confession at a separate time. I’m suggesting this because you mention anticipating crying so much you’ll fear disturbing others, and for your own sake I’d hope this distraction and distress – to you – can be avoided. Most priests do agree to hear Confessions at privately scheduled times (often because a person’s work schedule conflicts with regular Confession times, but I’m sure they can offer this to you too).

Even if you have a sensitive conscience, even if you’re confused, even if you’re scrupulous, you do have a right to go to Confession. If you’re struggling with scrupulosity, your priest will be able to help you with that (and please trust his guidance).

The big hurdle is taking that leap of faith to get in the door and start talking, so that your priest can begin to help you move forward from there. I will pray that Jesus helps you to be able to do that.

 

[Kima]

I´d say to schedule a private confession with your priest, perhaps at a time where there´s less people in church then at regular times. And it´s up to you if you wanna go behind the screen or face-to-face (as long as it´s along with the restrictions of course) so do whatever makes you the most comfortable.

Just as @MNathaniel said, it´s completely okay to cry during confession. I cried a lot once too because of a difficult situation that I was facing at the time. So no need to be embarrassed. Priests are there at peoples´ best and worst, and they´ve seen and heard it all. And a lot of people do cry during confession, that´s in fact why they have tissues in many confessionals. The priest is truly used to it, and I´m certain that the priest has heard it all before. Whatever it is that is troubling you, is not new under the sun. I oftentimes say that we humans think we´re unique and special and all of that, but really, we sin more or less the same way with only a few variations. So no need to fear that.

As for scrupulosity, I think you should schedule an appointment with your priest to discuss that. It´s very important to form ones´ conscience in the right manner, which you might need some guidance on (speaking of personal experience ). Scrupulosity is a great cross to carry, and you´ll benefit from getting some help.