Dilemma

[Scotty_PGH]

Hi. I’d like to request your prayers over a somewhat stressful situation I’m dealing with right now. My wife and I were both baptized Catholic, but neither of us was raised in the Church. I began a journey back to the Church some time ago and am reaching the end of that journey (Praise God); I’ll be confirmed at the Easter Vigil. My wife, though, is not on this journey with me at this time. She has, however, been incredibly supportive. I believe and pray that she will follow me back to the Church some day.

Recently, though, we’ve hit a little snag that is reinforcing her negative impressions of the Church. We met with our Priest last night to discuss convalidating our marriage. This is necessary before I can continue my Sacramental journey (i.e., receive the Sacraments of Reconciliation and Eucharist). We were married in a Lutheran church. Since we’re both Catholic by baptism, our marriage must be convalidated. This means that we need to stand in the Catholic church and renew our vows. When I heard this, I was happy. I was very pleased that we had the opportunity to have our marriage blessed within the Church. She, however, had the opposite reaction. As far as she’s concerned, our marriage is already valid in the eyes of God, and any ceremony in the Catholic church will not change that. I’ve explained to her that our marriage is considered Sacramentally valid, just not licit (official recognized in the eyes of the Church). But since she’s not interested in becoming Catholic at this time, while I am, she doesn’t attach the same kind of importance to this as I do.

This is causing us a little bit of heartache right now. She is 100% behind me and is willing to accomodate me in any way, including going along with the ceremony. The problem is, her heart is not in it. We both believe it would be wrong for her to stand before God in Church and go through with this when her heart is not completely in it. But she’s willing to do it nonetheless, for my sake. She knows how important it is to me to be able to receive Communion, and she will not allow her objections to the convalidation to stand in the way of that.

So that’s my dilemma. I don’t like the prospect of having my wife do something she is not completely comfortable with. Nor can I bear not receiving the Sacraments. This is a tough one. Please pray for me and for my wife.

 

[Fidelis]

Since you have not asked for advice, I won’t offer any. But know that you are in my prayers. This must be a very difficult situation for you both, but have faith in God and he will bring you through it.

 

[Scotty_PGH]

A little update on this: my priest just called and told me he checked with our Diocese Canon law office. Apparently, there is a process in place to deal with this sort of situation. There is a form we can fill out (called a scenation – spelling is probably wrong) stating that my wife is a practicing Lutheran. This allows the Church to make our marriage licit without expecting her to participate in a convalidation ceremony. I am then able to continue my journey to the Sacraments.

This is great news. Thanks to all who prayed for us!

 

[FrankR]

I want to offer my congratulations to you Scotty for your upcoming confirmation. I will tell you first hand that you gave wonderful witness in your first message, and your wife would be proud of you if only she knew how much you cared for her, and the sacraments of the Church. I’m proud of your witness! I will pray that your wonderful example will act as a catalyst that will eventually return your wife to the precious Sacraments.

 

[nobody]

Wow, Fidelis, your prayers worked quickly!

Keep working on world peace. Seriously.

 

[Fidelis]

nobody:

Wow, Fidelis, your prayers worked quickly!

Keep working on world peace. Seriously.

Gorsh! While I’m at it, I think there’s a lottery coming up!

Seriously, Scotty PGH, that’s great news. Praise the Lord, and may he bless your marriage.

 

[puzzleannie]

this is a valuable post for all in similar situations. do not assume your personal situation can be answered by opinion, do not accept the first answer, keep going to the source, which is the diocesan tribunal or canonist in charge of marriage issues. make sure the entire ramifications and reasons for every decision have been fully explained to both parties, and that both understand (although they may not necessarily agree). Keep asking questions until you do understand.