Disappointed With Confession

  • Thread starter Thread starter SunSeeker
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
S

SunSeeker

Guest
Hello,

So I might as well come clean, I’ve been away from confession and Eucharist for a long while. Yesterday at Good Friday Service, I said to myself “enough is enough”. See, I have diagnosed anxiety disorder and the thought of confession petrifies me. I don’t know why, but I have scruples, and I think I just get too distressed when priests tell me my I am making too big a deal of my sins. It’s one thing to not let someone go on and on about each venial sin, but it’s another to lack compassion and empathy with parishioners like me. They all absolve me and most are quite kind, but I never get any long term prayer solutions for fighting scruples.

So today, I finally decided to go. I felt I should receive at the vigil for Easter. So I walk in, and first thing, it’s a booth and I’ve only ever done face-to-face, so that was not great for my anxiety. I go in and start to mention my I-think-these-actually-are-mortal sins, but I can’t read my list well and skipped a few. I paused and the priest cut me off and told me to say the act of contrition, I wasn’t done though and, asked if I could say just one or two more. He must seen my scruples though as he said to say the act of contrition. Even though I knew there were some potential mortal sins, I said something quick, but at the end told him I’d really like to add them, but he absolved me before I had said them and so I said them anyways and when I started to pray the act again, He said"you already said that", and told me my confession was complete and told me to leave with my penance.

Was it valid? May I receive tonight? I meant to say all my mortals when I went in, but I kept getting rushed, and was too nervous to tell him I had more. Also, the absolution happened before my last sins.

I had an old username here, and I was often told I had scruples. It just feels like I’m unwanted in confession. Nice way to greet someone away from the sacrament for years who finally worked up all her courage to return… I have not been turned away from faith, but I think I’d like to not feel like a burden on the priest’s time next confession, so I may go elsewhere…where hopefully I won’t get that impression:(

SS

PS feel free to tell me if the topics in the wrong spot
 
SunSeeker said:
They all absolve me and most are quite kind, but I never get any long term prayer solutions for fighting scruples.
Click to expand...
This is a medical problem not a spiritual problem, what do you expect?
Please just obey your priest instead of gain-saying him here.
This is not helping you condition but giving in to it.

Trust the priest.
One more thing…
Trust the priest.

And perhaps see a doctor of clinical psychologist to help you with the inability to trust and likely OCD.
Good luck.
 
It is a lack of understanding and a lack of patience upon the priest when this happens, chances are there were others waiting in line for confession, sometimes one person takes longer than the next who knows why, but people get impatient waiting. Yes your confession was valid in the short term answer. Did you deserve to be cut off abruptly, no. Who would it have hurt to wait an extra 30 some odd seconds to say what you needed to say.

An then priests wonder why people are not showing up for confession.

Instead of using time waiting to pray and reflect and just let God in, impatience festers in the confession line, or the priest may be wanting to hurry through because of other tasks that await.

and that is sad.

All you can do is not let one priest ruin your faith. Find a new priest to go to confession to, and dont give up.

Not everyone understands what you are going through. An if you decide to go reconciliation again, consider letting the priest know before you start that you suffer from anxiety and that you need him to give you an extra minute with your confession and to just be mindful of the pace of your going through your list.

You dont have to go into great details with everything and just try not to dwell on every thing you want to get off your chest because then you are falling into these mind traps of guilt and so on an so forth.

Dont give up, and dont let rude priests get you down.

People try to explain away sins with " mental problems " when they cant tell the difference between a hole in the ground an you know what. You know what your sins are, no one else, so if you let someone else scoff it off as a mental problem, then it just becomes a bigger problem.

Just understand that the confessional isn’t an hour long time period to talk like it is with a good psychologist.

Dont Give Up !
 
Last edited:
With all due respect, you went at Easter time when the number of people seeking confession is greater than any other time of the year.
The priests tend to get everyone through their confessions as quickly as they can because they want to make sure everybody has a chance to confess.

If you need to take extra time with the priest, I would recommend that you go at a time other than Easter or Divine Mercy Sunday, as those are two of the busiest times all year. (Christmas time and the First Saturday of each month also tend to be busy.)
You may also want to make an appointment for your confession, again during a less busy time than Holy Week.

Finally, your “nice way to greet someone away from the sacrament” is making this all about you when, as said above, this is about a priest trying to get everyone through confession. It’s highly likely that a lot of other people who have not confessed in a long time are also coming to confession. If you are returning to confession with the right attitude of truly wanting to confess, you should not be acting like you expect the priest to drop everything, roll out a red carpet for you, and reserve you a whole block of time.

As the previous poster said, trust your priest and also, I understand about anxiety (I have had anxiety about confession myself and was away from the sacrament in the past for many years partly due to that), but please use some common sense and come down to earth with your expectations.
 
Last edited:
Thank you for the reply.
I don’t know what seeing a psychologist is supposed to do though really. I have OCD, and have met a psychologist about my issues, but I don’t have the money to be going long term, and I feel like I’m just told I should not belong to a faith that makes me feel like I can sin. Now if there were psychologists who could work in the realms of catholic spirituality, that’d be great… but none exist that I know of. I guess I was just expecting to a least feel welcomed into the booth for my mortal sins… Not saying he did not try, and I know he knows best, but I feel like the world doesn’t appreciate how hard it is for me to step into the booth with my anxiety. Like I said, I know they are not trained psychologists, but some empathy and acknowledgement of my condition would be nice.
 
Thanks. Worth noting though that I was the only one waiting in line in the middle of the specified confession time, and was only in the booth about 5 mins. I’d say 10 max, It just felt rushed for having been away so long.
 
If you so blatantly disobey and distrust his judgement in the Confessional you get what you deserve sorry.
 
As said, I was the only one in line, which is sad, and it was only 5 mins. I didn’t really expect a red carpet roll-out but it was designated confession time and I was the only one in line, so instead of saying “we’re done here”, he could have said “Please know that your absolution is valid and complete, so please don’t feel the need to continue”.
 
Have I said something wrong? Should I deserve to feel unwanted when I try my best? I have been nothing but civil here on this post, at least in my mind, but again I have outside mental concerns, so maybe I’m coming off as rude. Not my intention.

Yes, we should trust, but priests, doctors, lawyers, they can all make mistakes too from time to time, so forgive me for venting, which was my intention as much as to know if I had a valid confession. If you had had surgery and something didn’t feel right afterwards, you wouldn’t be saying, it must be ok, so I’ll just ignore it. You’d be worried, as I am.

I know it’s not all about me in the large picture, but my faith life IS very important to me, and so to all of you, this is just another lady with scruples, but to me, I care about my faith and God, and my salvation…so please respect me if you can’t accept me.
 
OK. Maybe for Easter you give him a little break and just say a prayer for him. He probably has a lot on his plate.
And go to another priest next time.
Sometimes the personality of the priest and the person confessing just doesn’t quite jell. I’ve had that happen.
Lots of priests out there though. Don’t let one nerve-wracking experience make you stay away.

God bless
 
Thank you. I know he’s probably stressed. I enjoy his homilies and he’s very nice, but I think he’s an introvert more like me, so I guess we did’t connect on a more personal level.

He was the only option though, and as I had finally worked up the courage to go, I wanted to no matter who was the priest in the booth
 
You deserve a cookie for going. 🍪
I’m glad you went and you can offer up your bad experience with the priest for reparation to Jesus and to save souls in purgatory. Who knows, maybe you will get somebody to Heaven for Easter.

Try to go back again next month. It gets easier. I go once or twice a month now, for about the last 2 years, and it’s much easier for me now than it used to be years ago when I went only 2 times a year.
You get used to going and less nervous.
 
SunSeeker said:
… I can’t read my list well and skipped a few. I paused and the priest cut me off and told me to say the act of contrition, I wasn’t done though and, asked if I could say just one or two more. … he absolved me before I had said them …

Was it valid? May I receive tonight? I meant to say all my mortals when I went in, but I kept getting rushed, and was too nervous to tell him I had more. Also, the absolution happened before my last sins.
…
Click to expand...
Yes, valid. Yes, receive. The problem is if you intentionally omit known mortal sins. You do not have to be perfect in the details of your confession, but must have proper disposition. Whenever we confess it is always inclusive of all mortal sins of our life, even though we generally do not re-mention them.
 
Last edited:
Thanks everyone, I figured it was likely valid. Just more about venting the experience that should have made me feel great, and then being let down.

I intend to try to go monthly, and for my scruples, no more often than that. Hopefully, it will resolve itself in due time.
 
Your OCD is causing you to make a mountain over a molehill.
He clearly recognised your OCD and absolved you, you insisted on repeating the might have beens even though he clearly indicated that was not necessary or helpful.

Trust your priest, not your distorted emotions over both the sins and the priest’s alleged attitude.
Your distrust of your Confessor is very apparent and it is not to be encouraged in this thread.

Move on.
 
Dearest Sunseeker,
It was the Easter season that caused this rush. Make an appt w your local priest for face to face. Let him know of your condition. Ask him to work w you on controlling your OCD. List the definitions of Venial and mortal sins. Make a sheet of two columns. Mortal=you have to have a conscious thought, followed w planned behavior.,
I, knowingly, chose to enter a sexual relationship w a partner-not married. Mortal.
I, unknowingly, ate meat in Fri. You thought it was Thursday! Venial.
Maybe this will help. It is helpful for some to keep a journal.
A psychiatrist can prescribe a medication to help w anxiety and compulsions
In Christ’s Love
Tweedlealice

The Original Full Version

God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.
St… Theresa’s Prayer

“May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.”
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top