Disappointed with my mother's parish

[on_the_hill]

In another post I mentioned my mother’s recent passing (last Friday). She had been in the hospital ICU since the previous Sunday afternoon. I asked for a hospital priest on Monday and one did see her. On Tuesday morning I went online and used her parish’s website to let them know. Maybe I should’ve called them, but I was not in shape to carry on a phone conversation at the time and the website seemed like a good alternative.

My brother-in-law’s Presbyterian church is next door to my mom’s RC church. His church had someone visit my mother on Tues and Weds. The folks from the Presbyterian church also contacted my mother’s parish, and told me they were working with the pastor there.

No one from her own parish visited her. No one from the parish got back in touch with me about my web message. Nothing.

I never told her that. I didn’t want her to feel abandoned by the parish she had attended regularly for nearly 40 years, the parish where all three of her children were married, two grandchildren baptized, and where my father was buried from.

Maybe I’m wrong to complain. I just needed to get this off my chest where someone might understand.

 

[Dorothy]

Perhaps a call would have been better; it’s possible the message left on the website was unattended by whoever was supposed to respond.

Accept my sympathies for your mother’s death…may she rest in the peace of our Lord Jesus Christ.

 

[Blessedwithfive]

In another post I mentioned my mother’s recent passing (last Friday). She had been in the hospital ICU since the previous Sunday afternoon. I asked for a hospital priest on Monday and one did see her. On Tuesday morning I went online and used her parish’s website to let them know. Maybe I should’ve called them, but I was not in shape to carry on a phone conversation at the time and the website seemed like a good alternative.

My brother-in-law’s Presbyterian church is next door to my mom’s RC church. His church had someone visit my mother on Tues and Weds. The folks from the Presbyterian church also contacted my mother’s parish, and told me they were working with the pastor there.

No one from her own parish visited her. No one from the parish got back in touch with me about my web message. Nothing.

I never told her that. I didn’t want her to feel abandoned by the parish she had attended regularly for nearly 40 years, the parish where all three of her children were married, two grandchildren baptized, and where my father was buried from.

Maybe I’m wrong to complain. I just needed to get this off my chest where someone might understand.

Sometimes we fail. I am sorry for your loss and I will pray for you and your mother. I still would contact them for a Catholic burial Mass.

 

[Casilda]

In another post I mentioned my mother’s recent passing (last Friday). She had been in the hospital ICU since the previous Sunday afternoon.** I asked for a hospital priest on Monday and one did see her. On Tuesday morning I went online and used her parish’s website to let them know. Maybe I should’ve called them, but I was not in shape to carry on a phone conversation at the time and the website seemed like a good alternative.
**
My brother-in-law’s Presbyterian church is next door to my mom’s RC church. His church had someone visit my mother on Tues and Weds. The folks from the Presbyterian church also contacted my mother’s parish, and told me they were working with the pastor there.

No one from her own parish visited her. No one from the parish got back in touch with me about my web message. Nothing.

I never told her that. I didn’t want her to feel abandoned by the parish she had attended regularly for nearly 40 years, the parish where all three of her children were married, two grandchildren baptized, and where my father was buried from.

Maybe I’m wrong to complain. I just needed to get this off my chest where someone might understand.

Please acknowledge those servants of God that did respond in your dear mother’s hour of need. The others…ignore. Pray for them. So sad the souls are being left unattended. Lord, have mercy on us.

 

[EnglishTeacher]

It is very possible that the message on the website was not received or directed to the proper person, and that they were not intentionally ignoring you. Either way, though, that is disappointing and upsetting. I am very sorry for your loss; may your mother rest in peace.

 

[on_the_hill]

Sometimes we fail. I am sorry for your loss and I will pray for you and your mother. I still would contact them for a Catholic burial Mass.

She did indeed have the Rite of Christian Burial at her church, yesterday. The funeral home arranged the scheduling; we filled out a form for the readings and music that the the funeral director gave to the priest.

 

[on_the_hill]

It is very possible that the message on the website was not received or directed to the proper person, and that they were not intentionally ignoring you.

That’s entirely possible, and I take some responsibility for not stepping-up and making a follow-up phone call. But there was still nothing from the church even after the Presbyterians were in contact with them.

Whatever. It’s over now. Time to move on. Not what we would’ve wanted but it’s over.

 

[PatrickKen]

In another post I mentioned my mother’s recent passing (last Friday). She had been in the hospital ICU since the previous Sunday afternoon. I asked for a hospital priest on Monday and one did see her. On Tuesday morning I went online and used her parish’s website to let them know. Maybe I should’ve called them, but I was not in shape to carry on a phone conversation at the time and the website seemed like a good alternative.

My brother-in-law’s Presbyterian church is next door to my mom’s RC church. His church had someone visit my mother on Tues and Weds. The folks from the Presbyterian church also contacted my mother’s parish, and told me they were working with the pastor there.

No one from her own parish visited her. No one from the parish got back in touch with me about my web message. Nothing.

I never told her that. I didn’t want her to feel abandoned by the parish she had attended regularly for nearly 40 years, the parish where all three of her children were married, two grandchildren baptized, and where my father was buried from.

Maybe I’m wrong to complain. I just needed to get this off my chest where someone might understand.

It’s an utter disgrace. They shouldn’t have a website if they don’t monitor it. It seems they knew about your mother being in hospital from the church next door. The Parish Priest would have some extremely direct questions to answer

 

[ConfusedLucy]

I’m sorry OP, after 40 years your mother deserved better.

 

[PacificNorthwes]

Sorry to hear of your recent loss. I don’t know why your parish didn’t respond. I can only say that sometimes there are good reasons for this. My small parish has no paid staff so volunteers are in the office only 1 or 2 mornings a week. The email only gets read once a week. The pastor answers the phone himself so more likely for a phone call to be responded to.

 

[SuperHappy]

I am so sorry for the loss of your mom.

Please know that for whatever reason communication between the family and your mom’s parish was lacking. I am sure that it was unintentional and I do know that it hurts anyway.

I hope that you can go and speak with the priest at the parish and ask about what happened and you can make him aware of the lack of response from the website. Perhaps they shouldn’t offer that as a form of communication if it is unattended.

Also, you have no idea what the other church said when they spoke to your mom’s church. Maybe they told them that they were visiting, etc. and not to worry. That doesn’t excuse the Priest but we don’t know what was said between the two churches.

Prayers going up. May God bless you and comfort you.

 

[WilliamE]

As others have noted, your message might not have gotten to the right person. Also, I’ve noticed that elderly parishioners occasionally get lost in the shuffle, especially if they haven’t been able to attend Mass regularly due to health issues or if a new priest comes along who didn’t know of them.

My brother-in-law’s Presbyterian church is next door to my mom’s RC church. His church had someone visit my mother on Tues and Weds. The folks from the Presbyterian church also contacted my mother’s parish, and told me they were working with the pastor there.

No one from her own parish visited her. No one from the parish got back in touch with me about my web message. Nothing.

Probably setting myself up for getting flamed here, but in my (admittedly limited) experience, protestant churches are much better at tending to their member’s social needs than are Catholic churches. I guess it’s just a difference in perspective about what the role of the church is. But in the end, your mother had her funeral Mass, which I’m sure was a comfort to you.

My condolences on the death of your mother.

 

[on_the_hill]

Thank you.

protestant churches are much better at tending to their member’s social needs than are Catholic churches. I guess it’s just a difference in perspective about what the role of the church is.

I don’t want to agree with you, but I have the same feeling.

 

[JanetF]

As others have noted, your message might not have gotten to the right person. Also, I’ve noticed that elderly parishioners occasionally get lost in the shuffle, especially if they haven’t been able to attend Mass regularly due to health issues or if a new priest comes along who didn’t know of them.

Probably setting myself up for getting flamed here, but in my (admittedly limited) experience, protestant churches are much better at tending to their member’s social needs than are Catholic churches. I guess it’s just a difference in perspective about what the role of the church is. But in the end, your mother had her funeral Mass, which I’m sure was a comfort to you.

My condolences on the death of your mother.

I think it depends on the parish. Some parishes are very small and have part-time office staff. Other parishes are huge with multiple full-time office staff members.

My condolences as well!

 

[Casilda]

Probably setting myself up for getting flamed here, but in my (admittedly limited) experience, protestant churches are much better at tending to their member’s social needs than are Catholic churches. I guess it’s just a difference in perspective about what the role of the church is…

Protestant churches use this passage and have established ‘elders’ to care for the needs of the flock. They bring the needs of parishioners to the attention of the pastor and ministry organizations.

I found Lutherans very good at taking care of their own.

Acts 6:1-5 Douay-Rheims 1899 American Edition (DRA)

6 And in those days, the number of the disciples increasing, there arose a murmuring of the Greeks against the Hebrews, for that their widows were neglected in the daily ministration.
2 Then the twelve calling together the multitude of the disciples, said: It is not reason that we should leave the word of God, and serve tables.
3 Wherefore, brethren, look ye out among you seven men of good reputation, full of the Holy Ghost and wisdom, whom we may appoint over this business.
4 But we will give ourselves continually to prayer, and to the ministry of the word.
5 And the saying was liked by all the multitude. And they chose Stephen, a man full of faith, and of the Holy Ghost, and Philip, and Prochorus, and Nicanor, and Timon, and Parmenas, and Nicolas, a proselyte of Antioch.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

Protestant churches will often reach out in a way I have never personally experienced from a Catholic parish. If you want anything from a Catholic parish you may have to be quite persistent, expect that not all emails will be answered and people who say they will get back to you may not. Obviously not everyone feels strong or confident to be as pushy as that sometimes.

 

[Book_Worm]

I’ve found this to be so true that now it probably never occur to me to turn to my parish for comfort and support.

I know several young people who have left the church for this very reason. They see the love of Christ manifest in their new “church family.” So very sad.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

I’ve found this to be so true that now it probably never occur to me to turn to my parish for comfort and support.

I know several young people who have left the church for this very reason. They see the love of Christ manifest in their new “church family.” So very sad.

I’ve seen this too and it makes me sad. I just go to receive the Eucharist and try not to expect too much.

 

[Blessedwithfive]

I have been going to the government assisted nursing home for about seven years. In all that time, my local Catholic church is the only religious organization that attends to the needs of the residents regularly. We send two people from our church each week to bring Communion to all the Catholics, not just members of our church. We also visit ANYONE who wants to pray with us. Currently, in addition to the 30 or so Catholics I visit, I also see 2 Jewish friends and about 10 Christian friends. Our priest will visit any person I ask him to within 24 hours of calling/emailing him. Once, every other month, our priest celebrates Mass at the nursing home and celebrates the anointing of the sick and hears Confessions if asked.

Due to HIIPPA regulations, the nursing home is not able to call a church unless requested by the family and even then often times the “recreation director” is not there when the need for a priest to come.

I am so sorry we dropped the ball on your mom and your home parish should have sent a priest but it is very possible that another Catholic church was technically responsible for the care at your facility. Nonetheless, we dropped the ball. Please don’t use this as a reason to stop going to church. I often times tell others that the Catholic church never fails to fail and that you need to remember that it is a perfect religion run by imperfect people.

Giving time, our church will provide you with peace with your Mother’s passing. Your faith can and will sustain you until you see her again. Once again, I am truly sorry for your Mother’s death and for failing to be there when you and her needed us.