Discerning becoming a Deacon

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Trying2bssint

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Hello everyone and happy Easter!

What is the best way to discern if you are meant to be a deacon?

I am 38. I am married and have two kids ages 7 and 4 and have a pretty secure job. I felt I had a strong calling to be a deacon five or six year ago. when I say I had a calling I literally said a prayer that if God wanted me to be a deacon please let me know and literally every single page in the Bible I opened to and read I felt related to being a deacon in some way. Then one of my kids had a health issue and the feeling and subject matter of becoming a deacon fell by the wayside. Luckily everything turned out fine. However six years later the feeling of being a deacon is starting to creep up again.

My question is, what is the best way to discern if becoming a deacon is my calling? Are there certain prayers? Is there a specific time period I should discern? Any insight (especially from someone who went through the process) or help would be great.

Happy Easter everyone
 
Excellent post Amberlea! ( Despite your strange avatar, lol! 😉 )
 
I think prayer is the best way to go.

Prayer to Know Vocation

My Lord Jesus Christ, Who died for my salvation,
I implore You, through the merits of Your passion,
to give me light and strength to choose that state
of life which is best for my salvation. Speak, Lord,
for Your servant is listening. And you, my loving
Mother Mary, obtain this grace for me through
your powerful intercession. Through Christ Our
Lord, Amen.
 
Always a tough question. My spouse is an ordained Lutheran Pastor who has a similar educational background as a Priest and went through a discernment process. All I can say is that it is in you…I can’t imagine my spouse bring anything but a Pastor. I’ve seen more than a few pastoral candidates figure out in the process that it is just not for them.

I guess you have to ask yourself if you want to be a Permanent Deacon because there is something you can’t do otherwise? Might taking a deeper lay role fill your needs? Do you have the time to commit to what is essentially another job and a Bishop who has control over where you are assigned? What if that assignment is takes you away for a few weekdays per night?

Honesty as I type this my thoughts really center around how much time being a Permanent Deacon might take from your kids. I have a 7 year old myself and you know as well as I do that kids grow up quickly. I think there is a reason most Permanent Deacons I’ve met are either retired or empty nesters.
 
From what I understand, the process of becoming a candidate to the diaconate is long and arduous. It is the time you spend in part discovering if you are a good fit or not. Your wife, as you know, plays a big part in this. So, after you talk to your wife, talk to a priest and those in the diaconate.

All too often people act as though signing up for the process means they are going to become a deacon, so they never sign up because at that time they are not sure.

It is a vetting process for all involved. Again, the wife is a huge part of this. You didn’t mention what your wife thinks about this. When we are married, it is not just our decision.
 
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I am in my final year of formation. I discerned my calling for two years before finally filling out my application. Those two years of discernment included numerous conversations with my Pastor and his spiritual guidance. I was your same age when formation started, but my kids were older (8 and 13). To put things in a bit of perspective, I’m up at 0430 almost every morning to read or write papers so I don’t miss out on family activities after work/school. I attend classes two hours away from home one weekend a month, with the rest of the assignments done on-line. I figured it out the other day that I have stayed in the Holiday Inn in Dublin, GA 47 times now.

God bless you on your discernment. I can tell you this- if your Priest is not involved in the discernment process or doesn’t know you well enough to recommend you- you will not get far in the application process no matter how “sure” you are being called.

EW
 
Welcome to the forum!
I am in my second year of formation for the Permanent Diaconate. From what I understand, the formation program is different for each diocese but it tends to be a lot of work. To reiterate what others have said, the formation/discernment process is there to help you find if God is truly calling you to Holy Orders. If you are feeling called, I highly recommend that you follow that calling to where ever it leads you.

As others have also said, your wife will need to be with you on this. You will need her support and she will need to give her consent for you to enter this process. While she will most likely not have to take any classes with you, her support will be crucial for you in this journey.

I highly recommend you discuss with her, your pastor, and a spiritual director if you have one and go for it. Even if you don’t make it to ordination, the process is invaluable for your spiritual life and will definitely lead you closer to Him.
 
How well did you know your Pastor and how involved were you in your specific parish before you brought this up with your pastor?
 
Deacon James Keating’s “Heart of the Diaconate” is really good. Short but packed with information to pray and think about.
 
Most dioceses have an information night at least once a year.

I would start by attending the next one your diocese has and perhaps speak to a deacon you know.

Finally, if you haven’t yet, talk to your wife about it and pastor too

God Bless
 
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Luckily for me, my Pastor at the beginning of formation was a “new” Pastor about my age (late 30’s). We got along great and did things together, etc. When we first met, I was involved with CCD and also a lector. When it looked like he was struggling to keep check of everything in the Parish, I offered to train the altar servers. He agreed and asked me to take it one step further and be an acolyte. When I started serving at Mass is when I really felt the calling to apply for the Diaconate- and we had obviously bonded well at this point, so he was crucial in helping me with my discernment.
 
Hi everyone. Wow! Thanks for all the replies. you guys are quick. I read all the responses and they are all very helpful and thanks for taking the time to respond. As for my wife knowing, she had an idea i was interested in possibly becoming a deacon a few years ago and she at least seemed open to the idea and would have went to an introductory meeting. this was four years ago.

I think the best route for me right now after reading everyone’s response is to pray, pure and simple. There are introductory/exploratory meeting for men interested in the diaconate in my diocese next fall. i am going to pray to Jesus now through summer to let me know if this is what I should do and if that isthe case then I will bring it up to my priest and go to the meeting. Like someone said on here earlier, its not going to do any harm in praying for what my vocation is. even if my vocation is not to be a deacon, maybe during this discernment time something else will be in store for me that i have no yet realized. seems like a win-win situation.

thank you to all who responded.
 
A couple of practical things:
  1. If you don’t already have a spiritual director, find one. They are very helpful with discernment.
  2. If you aren’t already active in your parish, become so. Lectoring and teaching CCD are good areas related to diaconal calling.
We will pray for you,
Deacon Christopher
 
I agree with what everyone here has stated. I was ordained a Permanent Deacon 3 years ago. I went through about a 6 year discernment period where I came to discern that I wanted my life to be more than just living for my own immediate family. Nothing wrong with that, but there was a sense that I was being called to more. That’s the best way I can explain it.

As others have said, it first starts with your wife. She has to be onboard. They always told us that at any time throughout our formation, one word from our wives to the negative about it all, and we would be cut from the program. It is that serious and that important to have your wife open to the idea. She will be asked/invited to attend the classes with you (they are optional but they are always welcome). She will have to take up the slack when you are gone for the weekends of study, not to mention the myriads of books and assignments you will have to undertake throughout the 4-6 year program. A lot will fall upon your wife. And then, once you are ordained, she will be the “deacon’s wife” and whether she wants that role or not, whatever that may mean in your parish, that will be a fact. She will be looked upon a little bit differently after your ordination.

Secondly, talk with your priest! Nothing will happen without his approval. Every year, he will have to sign off on your continuation in the program. Again, one word from him in a negative light may derail your calling.

Getting a spiritual director is a great idea. We were actively encouraged to work with someone to help us with our spiritual formation.

And then there is the academic study and the rigors involved in that. We took courses from St. Leo University in Florida and most of the men in my class received a Master’s degree in Theology, so it is rigorous academic study for four years to earn the degree. You can also choose sometimes in a lesser option to get a certificate or no degree. It changes some of the assignments and grading but still is rigorous.

In the end, would I change anything? Absolutely not! THose years will always be so special to me and the friends I made along the way will be my spiritual brothers and sisters for eternity! Good holy men and women and I am honored to be counted among them.

God Bless you on your journey. A journey toward Christ is never wasted!
 
I would start with your parish priest and with his encouragement you can contact your diocesan priestly formation director to begin your discernment. As well as 100% support from your wife as part of the process, please be aware that if she died I don’t believe as a Deacon you are allowed to remarry.
 
Thank you all very much for all the great information. So i am going to start serving as a Eucharistic Minister in my parish pretty soon. I was doing Adoration for the Parish and then I asked if they need any volunteers for anything else the other day. they asked me if I could be a Eucharistic Minister ASAP. I also sent an email to a priest I trust to see what he thought of me discerning a role as a deacon.

I think the one thing I want(after five years of back and forth) is a yes or a no. This sounds bad but I wouldn’t even mind a “No,” because that way at least I can finally realize what my true vocation is or isn’t. If the Lord says No then I’m not going to push the issue. I’m not going to pray “Please make me a deacon.” I am praying “I feel a call. What do you think?” I’ll just keep praying and keep everyone informed.

Also a Bless to everyone else going through a vocational discernment! Way I see it, it’s a win win regardless of the answer!

Thanks everyone!!
 
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