Discerning children

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Veronica08

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First time poster here and in need of some advice/encouragement (?).
My husband and i are Catholic, married in the church 6 years ago. We do not have any kids. We both work long hours and are pretty exhausted when we get home.
He wants to be a dad but I am terrified to go through pregnancy and birth, plus I have never taken care of a baby and don’t know the first thing about taking care of them. I’m about 50/50 on actually trying starting in January but am terrified of it actually happening.
I grew up an only child and never really saw myself as a mom but I know he would be a good dad. Any words of advice or encouragement I would really appreciate it.
Also, I think the news today of his sister’s pregnancy is what is making me have babies on the brain and making me want to post.
 
Kids are the best, so much work, but the greatest blessing in the world. I highly recommend them.

P.S. - Many first time moms have never taken care of a baby; ergo calling them “first time moms.” You’ll do fine. The first and second were the toughest and as parents, we frankly over worried and overworked ourselves; by kid # 5, it would take me seeing my 11 day old driving my car down the driveway before I batted an eye.
 
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Veronica, no one is born knowing how to be a parent. You can read books, watch videos and talk to people, but parenting is an on the job learning experience! 🙂 That means you will learn as you go. You don’t have to have all the answers right at the start.

As far as being pregnant and giving birth, just remember that millions upon millions of women have given birth, and it turned out fine. 😉
 
Thanks guys. That makes me feel a bit better. How do you deal with your whole life changing though? I haves always had a hard time dealing when things are changed or out of my normal routine so that may be feeding my fears as well.
 
Well, you will prepare little by little, getting the nursery ready, and then you will bring home a baby. Things move from one event to the next, sometimes without a big change. Well, once you bring the baby home! 😉 But again, it’s not everything at once. Try not to get ahead in your worries. Don’t think too far ahead if it’s going to cause you to worry too much. Just try and enjoy it all. I know it’s a cliche, but it goes by so fast.
 
For me, I completely forgot what life was like before our son was born. I’d think back to things that happened prior to his birth and wonder for a moment “where was the baby?”. Kids add to your life, they do not take away. The love and joy is indescribable.
 
I’m a terrible planner and procrastinator lol i dont really don’t plan or prepare for anything. I guess I would have to for this huh?
 
Not to the extent some people do, lol! You’ll see, you will grow up quickly too. 😉 There is nothing like having a kid to care for to make you do what needs to be done. Even for us procrastinators.
 
Holy smokes! I applaud you, there is no way I could have handled that!
 
Thanks for the video, it was eye opening and still a bit scary.
 
Veronica08 said:
I’m a terrible planner and procrastinator lol i dont really don’t plan or prepare for anything. I guess I would have to for this huh?
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Myself too!

I want to reassure you! You don’t have to plan something in advance!
I have two children, they are born in hospital, and when we come back to home, we don’t even know where they will sleep the following night!! Our families help to arrange and organised the house!
You don’t have to plan a room. The baby usually, and more safely sleep in his parent’s bedroom, close to his mother. It is also better to follow his rythm for breastfeeding.

If I want to be honest the only things that are better to planned are:
  • birth classes
  • breastfeeding classes/or scientistic information on it and mothering
  • some clothes (unisex) for the first times such as pajamas etc.
  • do your need administratives papers
  • let yourself the decision to when and if you want to come back to work after the birth if possible. A lot can changes in your mind after a birth, and you may be very exhausted!
No worry, you don’t know when, and if you would be pregnant. Theses things are prepared during the middle and the end of pregnancy!

Note, for your fears, I had never change a diaper before my children, and I am now an expert!
 
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But as she said in her intro, that is her experience. Don’t borrow her experience and worry about things that she went through. I did not experience some of the things she did. And some concerns she had, I did not.

So listen to other women, but don’t worry. It’s your own personal journey. 🙂
 
Thanks. My husband and I had a really long conversation and i actually wrote all of my fears and anxieties about being pregnant and actually having a baby. He told me how happy my parents would be as I am their only hope for grandkids (thanks babe for the guilt trip). I’m still no closer with being okay with having a baby but maybe someday i will get there. I think maybe letting go and let God take the reigns will be best so I dont have ti think about it any more.whatever happens, happens.
 
That’s the way to think about it! It will happen when it happens. And when it happens, it will go according to God’s will.

The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you.

So be at peace, Veronica!
 
You may feel the need to speak to a psychologist of your fears.

You also need to consider that It is not because in some time you would want to be pregnant, that you will get right now,or have no difficulties. What are you most confortable with, waiting indefinitely until you feel ready and maybe loose chances or open yourself to children sooner even if you have still fears?

You should not take the burden to have children for your parents to be grandparents. It is not your problem is you are an only child, it is their. You should only live your own life and made the choices that match your life’s situations.
 
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Thanks again for the support. I feel like I had a moment of clarity last night. I was reading some other articles last night and one on a pre_pregnancy bucket list resonated with me. There are a few things I want to do that I won’t be able to for a long time, like ride the roller coasters at our favorite theme park and drink a bunch of wine. I feel like doing those things will help with my fear of missing out. As for pregnancy fears, I think talking to my friend who has the cutest little girl may help.
 
I completely agree. I fell pregnant on honeymoon and at one time had 3 under 4 years old. I now have a 3 older children are a 14 month old.

However much you know that you want to be a mum, or for that matter think that you don’t, there is no-one born knowing what to do and no-one who does any better than the best they can. You just have to muddle through, learn, trust in God and hopefully enjoy it.

We would none of us be here if Adam and Eve had waited until they were ready and felt prepared !
 
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