Discerning, hearing the call, but

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I’m hoping for some help or advice on my situation. I will try to make a very long story brief.

In my teens (now 43 yo, so that’s been a few minutes), I went through a discernment process of sorts with one of !y parish priests. I felt strongly called to the priesthood and was ready to charge into fulfilling the call. Most unfortunately, soon after becoming fairly certain - my faith was shattered to pieces when it was discovered that my mentor priest had broken celibacy - with my own mother. I was devastated. The wound lasted nearly 25 years before I could again enter into the faith in any meaningful way.

During my time away, I constantly fought myself _ wanting to return and staying away. I could never bring myself to reject the teachings, but - well you can imagine how complicated this was. But, I entered the military and served 13 years before a devastating knee injury ended my career. I married and have 3 children - all older now - I couldn’t love more. But looking back, I never really felt my vocation was marriage. This also let me to divorce, and eventually addiction which by the grace of God ended only with a brief criminal sentence and not death.

So several years ago, my thick skull finally realized that doing my own will, and rejecting and ignoring God’s at least in significant part led to my failure in marriage and in life. I returned to the Church and have remained faithful and more in love with her and Christ. In time, guess what returned as well? Yep. He never left me even though I left Him.

So, that said - obviously the priesthood is out for me. Age and my former life rule that out. Diaconate? Eh maybe. But I right now feel most strongly called to some type of 3rd Order. My soul wants and needs to be United with Christ and the Church more fully than a simple average Catholic - not that’s being such is wrong, I just feel that call. But, again (noticing my journey has rarely been simple yet?), I’m at a loss. There are zero 3rd order communities nearby (I’m near Abilene, TX) that I could easily attend. There’s a secular Franciscan chapter about 90min-2hrs away. However my initial inquiry went nowhere partly because of my past but also because I have Lupus and they feared I’d fall behind in formation (yes that was the reason, I’m told at least this chapter is very cliqueish and more of a Rotary club than a religious order but anyway…). There’s a Carmelite Hermitage a little over 2 hours away but Carmelite spirituality never really seemed to impact me. I’m by far most interested in the Franciscan or Dominican orders but being nowhere near a community leaves me stuck on who to even speak to. So…given all of that - any insights, advice, or thoughts on where to even look? I can’t see that this calling would still be there after 25 years, come back to the forefront of my life, yet left in a situation where I can’t fulfill it? Suggestions for possible orders are most welcome too - provided they are canonically regular and valid. Maybe I’m being unrealistic? Maybe I misunderstood the call? Or maybe I’m missing something here. Thanks for any help and for reading my version of a small book length post. May God bless you all.
 
If you are married then even if it isn’t the vocation you were called to originally from what I know you have to remain faithful to the vocation you chose.If for example in your case you were called to the priesthood but you chose the vocation of marriage then you have to remain faithful if not that then to your children they need you to be their father.As their father you have to be heir guide,it has been said to me that the family household is like a little church.The father is the priest or head of the family and the mother the nun,the children represent the laity.You as a father must be the guide of your family in getting them to heaven.I cannot imagine for a second the kind of pain and suffering you went through but still the fact remains.Your duty as a father is to guide your family to heaven,you shouldn’t leave them to pursue any type of religious vocation because you have already chosen the vocation of marriage.You must remain faithful this is the best I can do with what I know hope it helps.Also if you are struggling with what to do I highly highly suggest to pray the rosary,The Blessed Virgin will surely help you for she is the Mother of Mercy,the Madiatrix of all Graces,if you pray for her intercession then how will she turn her back on you for it has been said that Mary is our Mother and will not turn her back on her little ones.
 
Thank you. But no, I’m not married any longer. Haven’t been since 2007. But if I were, yes I’d agree with you. That’s also one reason I asked about 3rd Orders
 
Oh and my kids are 20, 17, and 15. Joining a physical community also means relocating quite a distance - which I’m not really wanting to do because of the two younger ones. The oldest is a Marine and off on his own now. Permanent Diaconate is a possibility, and it’s been suggested by my spiritual advisor, but even if so I think a 3rd order might be something for me to pursue.

So, I guess it comes down to - are there any 3rd orders that would fit considering the circumstances. I’ve yet to find any. Yes I’m well aware of why isolated members are a community are less than optimal too. Thank you all.
 
And one more thing I guess I should clarify - I’m not formally “retired” in the usual sense. But practically speaking I am - my income comes from VA disability primarily because of my Lupus. Thanks.
 
Thanks, I’d considered that. I work with a spiritual adviser deacon and recently began with a spiritual director priest (they also work together - it’s more because of busy schedules than any other reason that I have 2 …lol). I’ve prayed through this for months and I think the calling may be valid, but I’m also a bit hesitant still. So, thinking a 3rd Order formation process may give me some time to discern if Holy Orders in one form or another are the path I’m called to, or the 3rd Order is my place. If not, I could easily do both. It’s really not up to me in the end, as we all know.

Again though, the problem comes back that I’m located in the boonies of West Texas. If anyone happens to know of any 3rd Orders currently allowing isolated members? So far, finding such info has proven elusive to say the least. Many thanks, and thank you for the prayers. I greatly appreciate them, and will be praying for you in return.
 
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