Discernment of marriage "tuff"

[gemtwin84]

How many disappointments does an average person have to go through until they realize that one particular vocation is not for them?

As I started my annulment, I felt such shame at admitting that this was my second time coming to the Tribunal after my second marriage failed. The first annulment took 3 1/2 years and I spent the 7 years following that just keeping my head down and focusing on my kids until a man convinced me I needed to be married to him.

Well, that didn’t work out for a number of reasons which led to me seeking a second annulment. I was shocked to find out that the average number of annulment requests run 4, 5, or even after 6 marriages. Talk about some serial marrieds out there!

I know marriage is the vocational path that most people feel called to follow but how do we, as a society and as a Church help those who seek marriage to discern better? Marriage is complicated and the marriage prep classes are designed to cover all aspects that will occur later after the wedding. The marriage prep classes are also only as good as the couple allows it to be for them…how honest were they really in answering the questions and such?

Sorry for the ramble, but I know I am capable of great love, sacrifice and always felt that being a wife and mother was my call in life. But having failed twice I’m trying to figure out how I missed the signals God may have been giving to me to NOT be a wife. I have been getting counseling for why I enter into such unhealthy relationships and have devoted the past three years to intense prayer and inner work to undo the trauma of my past so it doesn’t continue to affect my choices.

I long to be in a truly sacramental and loving marriage but fear I will always be doomed to either repeat my past errors or have to accept that the single life is for me. This is difficult to accept but I have been praying to accept God’s will in my life for a number of years and will continue to do this. It’s just so difficult to know exactly which direction God is calling me.

 

[Maynoothman]

I have a friend who is going through an anulment at the moment and it is really taking its toll on her, I couldnt imagine going through it once but twice? Your in my prayers.

I dont actually have a response to your question, at least not one that doesnt sound hypocritical, unChristian or ill-informed.

Best wishes and good luck though!

 

[puzzleannie]

I asked the deacon who has served on the tribunal and been involved with annulments in this diocese for 30 years and he recalls only 2 cases of an applicant for full-blown annulment who had been married more than twice, so I don’t know how common “serial annulments” are. What is fairly common is a Catholic who has had one or more marriages outside the church declared void due to lack of form before finally marrying in the Church, but it is standard policy that anyone who has been civilly divorced must undergo some type of counselling to deal with any issues that may have contributed to the divorce(s).

May I respectfully suggest that OP may have some very good insights into the situation to offer on mistakes commonly made in choosing marriage as a vocation, and in discerning a partner? So may others on this forum who have graciously shared their own experiences in an attempt to also reflect on that question?