Disciplining other people's children in public

[Tybourne]

I was at the public library with my two year-old son the other day. Some older boys (aged about 9 or 10) were flaunting their trucks in front of him and me but refusing to let him touch them. Then they started to knock their trucks into his feet and hands. I told them to keep their trucks off, but they acted as if it was a joke. My little boy is a quiet and gentle type- he rarely complains if another child takes a toy from him. I want to teach him to stand up for himself and for him to feel that I can protect him if other children are mistreating him.

What would you all advise in these types of situations?

 

[redtech]

I would have asked those kids where their mother was and went to talk to her.

 

[dixieagle]

I was at the public library with my two year-old son the other day. Some older boys (aged about 9 or 10) were flaunting their trucks in front of him and me but refusing to let him touch them. Then they started to knock their trucks into his feet and hands. I told them to keep their trucks off, but they acted as if it was a joke. My little boy is a quiet and gentle type- he rarely complains if another child takes a toy from him. I want to teach him to stand up for himself and for him to feel that I can protect him if other children are mistreating him.

What would you all advise in these types of situations?

I would have done as you did. Your son is still too little to “stand up for himself” so it was your duty as a parent to do so. I am afraid that, were I in the situation, the bullies would have quickly realized it was not a “joke”, as I would have brought their bullying to the attention of their parents (who, unfortunately, would probably have paid as little attention to you as their unruly children did) or, failing that, the librarian or adult in charge of the children’s area.

 

[1ke]

I wouldn’t hesitate to discipline a misbehaving child.

I would also notify the library staff that there are unsupervised children harrassing smaller children.

 

[Em_in_FL]

I would have said “<son’s name>, you can ask them to please stop if you’d like?”… loud enough for the older boys to hear.

This says what needs to be said to the boys (since they’re hearing that it’s something they shouldn’t do)… and at the same time teaches your child what to do and say on his own…

Sort of an indirect discipline…

 

[BeeSweet]

I wouldn’t hesitate to discipline a misbehaving child.

I would also notify the library staff that there are unsupervised children harrassing smaller children.

Same here. I would have told those boys not to touch my son and to go play somewhere else. I would have said something like, “You don’t need to touch him, you can take your trucks away from here.”

Generally I let my son work out his own interactions with others, unless I think he might hurt the other child. But when there’s that great of an age difference, he needs protection.

 

[Tybourne]

Thanks all of you for your replies

 

[armywife]

I used to be really apprehensive about talking to other parents kids, always afraid I would offend them or make them mad(the parents, not the kids) but I’ve gotten over that.

I would never touch another child, but many times I have told other kids to stop what they are doing or tell them that’s not a nice way to behave. I haven’t had any parents get upset yet, but I am really tired of just dealing with other people’s misbehaving children.

 

[Catholic90]

“You know, you aren’t playing very nicely with everyone. It is not polite to tease other people, no matter how old they are. If you aren’t going to play fair, please leave my son alone.”

Then if it persists, find the parent.

 

[newbetx]

I wouldn’t hesitate to discipline a misbehaving child.

I would also notify the library staff that there are unsupervised children harrassing smaller children.

“It takes a village to raise a child” is my guide. I don’t mind anyone giving my kids a lecture on behavior if my back is turned. I say so up front if they are going with other adults (church camp, sleepovers, etc.) I get a lot of raised eyebrows from kids when they are our “guests” and some scouts too, on campouts, but they rarely ignore me. They know from “the look” that I’m serious.

I know some parents that don’t take it well. So we do have to be somewhat constrained.

 

[puzzleannie]

I was at the public library with my two year-old son the other day. Some older boys (aged about 9 or 10) were flaunting their trucks in front of him and me but refusing to let him touch them. Then they started to knock their trucks into his feet and hands. I ?

up until the last sentence you had me, when it comes to older children assaulting a toddler, you don’t discipline you call security and have them deal with it.

 

[newbetx]

“You know, you aren’t playing very nicely with everyone. It is not polite to tease other people, no matter how old they are. If you aren’t going to play fair, please leave my son alone.”

Then if it persists, find the parent.

I guess I’m impatient. I sometimes ask for the toy (or pick it up if it was thrown at me) and wait for the parent to come to me. Never, ever go anywhere with a child unless you bring a witness.

 

[Catholic90]

I guess I’m impatient. I sometimes ask for the toy (or pick it up if it was thrown at me) and wait for the parent to come to me. Never, ever go anywhere with a child unless you bring a witness.

Oh, I would never take someone else’s child. I guess I was thinking of my local library which is fairly small, at one level, so I would take my child and walk around the area until I found them and speak with them.

You are right about never going anywhere else with someone else’s child.

 

[Sr_Sally]

Agree with PuzzleAnnie, I wouldn’t have been so mild. I probably would have told the boys to move to another place to play. Or would have taken my child and our books away. But I definately would have said something to the librarian. How is it that the kids had toy trucks in the library anyway?

 

[Feedmysheep]

9 or 10 year olds physically touching my 2 year old? Yeah, I would have had “issues” with that one.

A toddler doesn’t know how to stand up for himself yet. But by modeling such behavior (maybe not as robustly as I would have ) you are teaching him how to do it for himself as he gets older.