Disciplining other people's children

[Loly_Maria]

You do realize that dead animals are a health hazard and carry many diseases, including rabies. People can and do pick up all kinds of diseases, and as the lady indicated there is bubonic plague in rodents (squirrels are rodents) in her area. When experts remove dead animals, they take all kinds of precautions to prevent disease transmission. Animals carry ticks, and fleas, and parasites, all of which can transmit terrible diseases to human beings. Why would you think it’s ok for a kid to play with a dead animal??? And yes, this happens right here in the good old USA.

I know that they can carry diseases but if my child is playing with a dead animal then I still don’t see any reason why a neighbour couldn’t just tell me about it. I don’t think it’s that urgent, especially if the animal hasn’t even been dead long enough for me to clean it out of my garden.

 

[1990Domer]

Was he disciplined or told to stop doing something dangerous or bothersome to others? If I say something to a child with their parents right there, it generally ought to be an indicator of the fact that they should have already said or done something themselves. Of course, I don’t bother other people if their kids aren’t causing an actual problem. But for example, I was on a train years ago and the lady behind me had a child who I would guess to be kindergarten age, who thought it was funny to keep reaching in between the seats and yanking my headphones cord and purse strap. After about three or four incidents of this with no intervention from the woman, I turned around and said in a very stern voice, “Knock it off!” And knock it off, the little snot did.

The mother passive aggressively got on her phone and told me off to whoever was on the other line. “How dare she talk to my son? I’m the mother and it’s my job to raise him!” And I called back to her, “Yeah, maybe you should get off the phone and get started on that!”

Now, I’m not saying that your kid was as bad as putting his hands on other people or their belongings. Quite possibly, whatever he was doing was really no one else’s business. My point is just that there DOES come a point where one’s rights are being infringed upon by other people’s lack of parenting initiative and if that parent doesn’t want the public telling their Special Treasure to “knock it off”, they had better get on with doing it themselves or not inflict them on the public in the first place.

My son was in Costco with me sitting in the cart checking out our groceries. He saw the snack area, pointed and said, “Want red coke” over and over. It was one of the first times he strung 3 words together and pointed appropriately. This also happened at a supermarket when he saw something he wanted. Some disgusted people said, “Do you always give in to your kid’s demand and spoil him?” I calmly, but firmly answered back, “Have you ever heard of autism? If not, I can recommend some books. If you have, then you may understand a tiny bit how happy I am to hear those words from his mouth.”

So, we have never been light on appropriate discipline. If anything, my kid beats himself up for any little perceived hurt he has caused by apologizing. He has grown up to be the kind, meek and spiritual young man. He is discerning the priesthood. I am amazingly proud of him.

You pushed a light button in that parents of kids with invisible disabilities tend to isolate themselves because of people such as yourself thinking we are not parenting properly. If you read my other thread here, I was given advice to make sure I keep my child in social situations. I was always told that. When he was more profoundly affected, I had to deal with more situations like those you described. I did discipline my child. How much he was able to cognitively handle is another issue altogether. And trust me, no special needs parent wants to either be embarrassed or have their child embarrassed. But at the same time, I don’t want to have to carry a banner saying, “Please be patient. My kid has autism.”

I no longer judge or get angry anymore when I see other kids acting inappropriately. I simply try to tolerate the situation or engage the family in a kind way. Now, if another child is being intentionally mean to my child, all bets are off. The child and the parent will hear about it.

 

[Anglewannabe]

My son was in Costco with me sitting in the cart checking out our groceries. He saw the snack area, pointed and said, “Want red coke” over and over. It was one of the first times he strung 3 words together and pointed appropriately. This also happened at a supermarket when he saw something he wanted. Some disgusted people said, “Do you always give in to your kid’s demand and spoil him?” I calmly, but firmly answered back, “Have you ever heard of autism? If not, I can recommend some books. If you have, then you may understand a tiny bit how happy I am to hear those words from his mouth.”

.

The people who said ‘Do you always give in to your kids demands’ were out of line because they were assuming you did it all the time. They judged the situation. If I saw a kid point and said ‘Want a red coke’, I would assume the parent told the kid they were going to buy them a treat and the kid was simply telling the parent which treat they were choosing. Not to mention, it is a parent right to choose what to buy their kid.

However, the situation Allegra described was totally different. The child was actually inappropriately infringing on Allegra’s personal space and pulling Allegra’s earphones. That is just rude and the kid should not do it. The parent was suppose to either put a stop to if OR politely explain the child was special needs. but for the parent to do nothing after 4 times and to them get on her phone and criticize Allegra loud enough for her to hear it was rude

 

[1990Domer]

The people who said ‘Do you always give in to your kids demands’ were out of line because they were assuming you did it all the time. They judged the situation. If I saw a kid point and said ‘Want a red coke’, I would assume the parent told the kid they were going to buy them a treat and the kid was simply telling the parent which treat they were choosing. Not to mention, it is a parent right to choose what to buy their kid.

However, the situation Allegra described was totally different. The child was actually inappropriately infringing on Allegra’s personal space and pulling Allegra’s earphones. That is just rude and the kid should not do it. The parent was suppose to either put a stop to if OR politely explain the child was special needs. but for the parent to do nothing after 4 times and to them get on her phone and criticize Allegra loud enough for her to hear it was rude

I agree with you and Allergra. My child learned about personal space as one of his first social skills. The child should have been reprimanded after the first time.

 

[Allegra]

I agree with you and Allergra. My child learned about personal space as one of his first social skills. The child should have been reprimanded after the first time.

Even if the child had a disability that would have made reprimanding him unsuccessful, the woman still had the obligation to stop the behavior, even if that meant taking him for a walk or physically restraining him or switching seats or whatever. You can’t just let your kid touch other people and their stuff. Now, in the case of your kid asking for a Coke, that’s just no one’s business. If he was a typical kid and wanted a Coke and you gave him a Coke, that would still be no one’s business. However, if he proceeded to dance around and spill the Coke all over the floor, or throw ice cubes at passersby, that would be another story. I think there is a fairly broad line dividing when it’s reasonable to expect other people to mind their own business. If the kid is harming someone, endangering themselves, threatening another child, damaging property, causing a safety concern, blocking traffic, and the parents aren’t dealing with it, then they have no business expecting no one else to say anything to them. Beverage choices, rudeness, noise, etc falls into the category of “not your problem”.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Thanks everyone for the replies. I just would also like to say that my admonishing this child is not the only interaction that we have her. I don’t want to sound like I’m just being mean to this little girl. I have a 5 year old son and we do invite her over into our yard and home to have playtime with my son. Sometimes we have good playdates with her and other times we just don’t. As far as speaking with the grandfather about some of these things as othere have suggested. I very often have a hard time engaging him about these issues, I’m not saying he doesnt care about her. I think that he is having a hard time at this point in his life, being attentive and engaged to her, at least the way she needs him to be.

I think you have been acting correctly. Poor little girl. She is not in an ideal family situation at all.

As a mom I would appreciate you telling my child to not play with carrion and electrical wires.