Discouraged After Speaking with a Priest

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Alainval

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I’m currently 18 years old and have recently been brought back to communion with the Church. I’ve seemed to always desired to be a minister even when I was a Protestant, and seemed to always felt this desire to become a priest. After many months of turning 18 I started to speak with several priests on my discernment. But there was this one priest I was talking to made it seem like I wasn’t good enough. He said I wasn’t ready, which I understand. But that’s not the problem I felt. The problem I felt was that I just felt so discouraged after talking to him. He said I wasn’t a practicing Catholic because I haven’t gone to Mass in months due to the COVID crisis, and also explained to him how the obligation wasn’t necessary until September 1. I also explained to him how I struggled greatly with social anxiety and scruples which played into me going to Mass during those times. I understand that. But the way he told me about it made me feel horrible. I also explained to him how I try to help people who struggle with scruples and temptations to despair and he said I was like the blind man leading the blind. Because of all of this and several other reasons I left the conversation really sad. It was almost as if it was traumatic remembering the encounter. At that point I just wanted to go home and sleep so I wouldn’t think about it. But it just kept on bothering me and making me more discouraged. I started feeling as if God didn’t love me or want me. Trying to sleep that night was hard. Anyways this all happened yesterday and he wanted to see me again. I was asking for your guys’ advice on whether I should go back and continue meeting him even though I feel like I will just get more discouraged. But it should never be about me. Anyways, any help?
 
Of course you should go back to meet with him - he said he wanted to see you again. It appears that you realize everything he said was true - you have been missing Mass (due to Covid and anxiety), you’re young (only 18), recently brought back into Communion with the Church. You can’t be a help to others when you haven’t conquered your own scruples and temptations. Your Priest is the best person to talk with - not an online forum.
 
Yes that’s a good point. I knew I wasn’t ready of course. I still have to wait two years before I can go to seminary. It just felt like it was overall discouraging after speaking with him. But if that’s best for me I guess I have no choice.
 
Well, persevering in front of obstacles is one way of trying one’s vocation, isn’t it ? This priest is probably doing you a service by offering you a first opportunity of experimenting how your sense of calling withholds a trial. This probably isn’t going to be the last bump on the road, if you’re on the path to priesthood. Keep going, and meet with that priest again.
 
Tell him how you feel about what he told you at your next meeting.
 
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