Discouraged Vocation

[jstreets]

So I started the application process to the seminary for this fall, and successfully finished most of the process. However, the parental pressure from my mom keeps getting worse, she tries to find any possible excuse to try and make me give up, what I believe, to be my vocation.

Her pressure makes me feel so bad to the point where I feel I should just give up. She has been asking questions/statements such as…

1. Who’s going to pay for this, because I am not putting very much into it.
2. Are you gay?
3. Why did you break up with your girlfriend for this, you are a mean person.
4. Why are you so mean it seems like everytime I talk to you, you just get angrier. (Which I do get very aggravated when she talks to me about this because she makes me feel like I am the worst person on the planet for even thinking this)
5. I talked to Fr. Lopez, like she is an active parishioner (which she isn’t, and the priest has been pastor of my parish for 2 weeks), and he said he doesn’t really even know you, so he won’t really be filling out any of the forms for the seminary (Even though my old pastor, which I talked to for 2 years is now the vocations director of the Archdiocese).
6. You have no money to do this.
7. How do you expect to be a priest if you can’t even listen to your own mother.

She gets worse and worse as these deadlines are approaching. I feel so depressed and really angry at the fact she would even do this. I am really debating on moving out or giving up this vocation all together. But I really wonder if it is just the devil working through her, because she has really no faith in the Church.

Please Help…

 

[LilyM]

So I started the application process to the seminary for this fall, and successfully finished most of the process. However, the parental pressure from my mom keeps getting worse, she tries to find any possible excuse to try and make me give up, what I believe, to be my vocation.

Her pressure makes me feel so bad to the point where I feel I should just give up. She has been asking questions/statements such as…

1. Who’s going to pay for this, because I am not putting very much into it.
2. Are you gay?
3. Why did you break up with your girlfriend for this, you are a mean person.
4. Why are you so mean it seems like everytime I talk to you, you just get angrier. (Which I do get very aggravated when she talks to me about this because she makes me feel like I am the worst person on the planet for even thinking this)
5. I talked to Fr. Lopez, like she is an active parishioner (which she isn’t, and the priest has been pastor of my parish for 2 weeks), and he said he doesn’t really even know you, so he won’t really be filling out any of the forms for the seminary (Even though my old pastor, which I talked to for 2 years is now the vocations director of the Archdiocese).
6. You have no money to do this.
7. How do you expect to be a priest if you can’t even listen to your own mother.

She gets worse and worse as these deadlines are approaching. I feel so depressed and really angry at the fact she would even do this. I am really debating on moving out or giving up this vocation all together. But I really wonder if it is just the devil working through her, because she has really no faith in the Church.

Please Help…

Realise she’s probably not meaning to ‘do this’ to you at all. She’s probably simply acting out of fear - it’s very likely something she never thought of for you and doesn’t like the idea of. Plenty of parents whose children want to become musicians or artists do the same, they’re simply frightened.

That doesn’t mean it’s wrong, not at all - and if it is, the discernment and application process itself will reveal that to you and those helping you. Tell her that - if you’re not meant to be a priest you’ll know soon enough, the priests helping you will tell you.

 

[RevDrNorth]

I am sorry jstreets as that is a bit of a rough situation. Be in prayer for her and follow your heart and the leading of Christ.

If you can sit down with her some place quiet and ask her why she seems so against this (what is concerning to her). Try to understand what it is that bothers her and then let her know that you feel the call of Christ on your life and that you want a good relationship with her. For that to happen she will need to respect that call even if she disagrees with it.

If money is an issue some diocese help pay (I understand at any rate). You seem pretty set up in terms of recommendations and will soon be in seminary and away from home. If your mother is intent on witholding the purse strings seek schlarships, student loans or even join the military for 4 years as a Chaplain Assistant and get the 36,000 dollar GI Bill.

{Actually talking to her about joining the military may be enough to get her to help you}.

God Bless you for persevering. In the end you are only responsible for following the leading of the Holy Spirit and treating your mother with respect. Don’t ignore the call of God or you may end up resentful towards your mother (if only I had done x). Your mothers problem is hers…lovingly don’t let her put the monkey on your back.

Rev North

 

[freudmacher]

So I started the application process to the seminary for this fall, and successfully finished most of the process. However, the parental pressure from my mom keeps getting worse, she tries to find any possible excuse to try and make me give up, what I believe, to be my vocation.

Her pressure makes me feel so bad to the point where I feel I should just give up. She has been asking questions/statements such as…

1. Who’s going to pay for this, because I am not putting very much into it.
2. Are you gay?
3. Why did you break up with your girlfriend for this, you are a mean person.
4. Why are you so mean it seems like everytime I talk to you, you just get angrier. (Which I do get very aggravated when she talks to me about this because she makes me feel like I am the worst person on the planet for even thinking this)
5. I talked to Fr. Lopez, like she is an active parishioner (which she isn’t, and the priest has been pastor of my parish for 2 weeks), and he said he doesn’t really even know you, so he won’t really be filling out any of the forms for the seminary (Even though my old pastor, which I talked to for 2 years is now the vocations director of the Archdiocese).
6. You have no money to do this.
7. How do you expect to be a priest if you can’t even listen to your own mother.

She gets worse and worse as these deadlines are approaching. I feel so depressed and really angry at the fact she would even do this. I am really debating on moving out or giving up this vocation all together. But I really wonder if it is just the devil working through her, because she has really no faith in the Church.

Please Help…

My prayers are most definitly with you.

 

[chicago]

There comes a time when you have to break with your parents and just do what is right for you. That can be hard if the parents don’t understand or support what you are up to. But you don’t have to make them happy. You are an adult and they don’t (or shouldn’t) control you. The only ones you have to please are yourself and God.

 

[bilop]

I’ll say a prayer for you. Don’t give up b/c of this. You’ll only end up regretting it and resenting her.

God Bless

 

[JohnnyReb]

Sounds like mom doesn’t want you to be a priest, and that is probably what it boils down to. I suspect she has her reasons, but from your post, she has not shared them with you. She may not even be fully aware of what those reasons are, but they do exist.

I would ask her questions about why she is completely opposed. Even if you are way off it might get her to think. If you have reasons you suspect might be causing her opposition, ask her about them.

 

[KCT]

I imagine the seminary has seen other parents who are not supportive. I bet they can see thought it. --KCT

 

[RobNY]

So I started the application process to the seminary for this fall, and successfully finished most of the process. However, the parental pressure from my mom keeps getting worse, she tries to find any possible excuse to try and make me give up, what I believe, to be my vocation.

Her pressure makes me feel so bad to the point where I feel I should just give up. She has been asking questions/statements such as…

Well, don’t give up because of the pressure. Only let it go if you discern it isn’t your vocation.

1. Who’s going to pay for this, because I am not putting very much into it.

Usually the seminary pays for it. Confirm the details with your diocese and have the answer ready for next time!

1. Are you gay?

This is very sad. Tell your mother, if she says anything like this, that you find it hurtful and offensive. Explain to her that celibacy is giving up something good (marriage) for the sake of something better.

1. Why did you break up with your girlfriend for this, you are a mean person.

You are not a mean person for breaking up with your girlfriend over this. It wouldn’t be fair to keep leading her on once you seriously started considering the priesthood. Besides, a girlfriend is a girlfriend-- it’s not like you’re bound to life to a girlfriend (that’s what marriage is for)!

1. Why are you so mean it seems like everytime I talk to you, you just get angrier. (Which I do get very aggravated when she talks to me about this because she makes me feel like I am the worst person on the planet for even thinking this)

Tell her you feel angry because when she speaks to you about this you feel like you’re being attacked, like you’re worthless, like you’re stupid, etc.

1. I talked to Fr. Lopez, like she is an active parishioner (which she isn’t, and the priest has been pastor of my parish for 2 weeks), and he said he doesn’t really even know you, so he won’t really be filling out any of the forms for the seminary (Even though my old pastor, which I talked to for 2 years is now the vocations director of the Archdiocese).

What you said is enough.

1. You have no money to do this.

Because becoming a priest is such an expensive thing.

1. How do you expect to be a priest if you can’t even listen to your own mother.

A vocation is an individual’s path to sanctity. By pursuing my vocation, I will be sanctified. Inasmuch as my vocation is blocked, I will not be sanctified.

She gets worse and worse as these deadlines are approaching. I feel so depressed and really angry at the fact she would even do this. I am really debating on moving out or giving up this vocation all together. But I really wonder if it is just the devil working through her, because she has really no faith in the Church.

Please Help…

Listen… if your mother had a reasoned response it would be one thing. A parent’s advice should always be taken seriously. But she’s not in the position to advise you truly, because she seems to be anti-priesthood and anti-celibacy. Because of this she can’t decide based on what’s best for you, but only based on her predetermined biases. (Her answer is not… let me see whether this is best for you, but this couldn’t be good for anyone.)

But perhaps you can do this… sit down with your mother and have a heart to heart talk with her. I’m sure she wants the best for you. Most mothers do. Explain to her why your faith is so important, and why it’s also important that it be important to her. Talk to her and ask her to frankly tell you why she objects to it, not just in questions like that. Explain to her how her attitude hurts your and offends you, and that because you love her, it makes things very difficult.

Sound like a good idea? Remember, the best thing to do is to connect on the level of empathy. She really loves you, and while she may not agree with you religiously or ideologically, she does understand what it is like to be hurt or offended. Explain to her in plain words about this, and it’s more than a start to building a bridge.

-Rob

 

[chewchoo]

hi streets, sorry to hear your mom is giving you such a hard time with your vocation calling. i will remember you in my prayers.
some thoughts - are you an only child? she may be thinking about grandchildren. not that you will be giving her any, but it is a topic to bring up.
what about other family members? can they help in your discussions/disagreements?
try your best not to be discouraged. life is full of trials. this is a learning experience (yes, a painful one) that will help you grow.
also, there are a couple senior priests at st. mary’s. maybe you could ask one of them for some advice also??
take care

 

[Soldier4Christ]

For the money thing…it usually does cost a bit to enter the seminary. I suppose it depends on the diocese and how much money they have available. But if money is an issue, talk to your local Knights of Columbus. They usually have some sort of funding for men entering the priesthood.

God bless you, I will pray for you.

 

[jstreets]

Thanks for all the responses, it really helped.

I guess I just have to take up my cross and go for it, no one said it was easy in the first place.:knight1:

 

[MJPuz]

• when one decides to take the first step toward religious life keep this in mind - Its your own walk (Keep confident in Christ) - MJP

 

[Polaris]

I dont want to be mean and I support you fully in becoming a priest but we are also called to honor our Father and Mother. A commandment many people like to think only lasts to 18, Its for you whole life. Now Im not saying you should always do what your mother says but you should always seriously consider the reasoning of your Parents.
Im not sure in this day and age but she most likely raised you. She may have some insight that you may lack about yourself. Your young and she is acting out of love, so be humble and open, God does talk through the oddest of vessels.

On a side note, Dont worry if you meant to be a priest you will be a priest.

 

[DebChris]

Several of the posts mentioned making your own decision. Another brought up the fourth commandment. This two views are not necessarily incompatible. It may be that this is simply not your time to enter the seminary, if that is God’s calling.
Once in seminary, the decision to become ordained is not yours alone. The discernment process is a mutual process of your superiors in the seminary as well as yourself. There are several sites where you can find a discussion board with others in the discernment process. This will provide support and perhaps answers regarding your personal situation. Google Catholic Men’s Vocations. Allow God to lead.

 

[augieboo]

So I started the application process to the seminary for this fall, and successfully finished most of the process. However, the parental pressure from my mom keeps getting worse, she tries to find any possible excuse to try and make me give up, what I believe, to be my vocation.
…

She gets worse and worse as these deadlines are approaching. I feel so depressed and really angry at the fact she would even do this. I am really debating on moving out or giving up this vocation all together. But I really wonder if it is just the devil working through her, because she has really no faith in the Church.

Streets,

A Vocation to the priesthood is far too precious a gift to take risks with. When one thinks one has a vocation to the priesthood, (or religious life in general), our first responsibility to the Lord is to discern whether it is true or not. If your mother were trying to help you discern, then that would be fine, but you have made it clear that she is not. Instead, for whatever reason, she is actively working against God’s will, in that she is trying to prevent you from discerning and trying to force you to adopt her choice instead.

Therefore, if necessary, MOVE OUT!

If that is a financial problem, then please contact the Society of Divine Vocations, which is a religous order of Priests devoted to fostering vocations to the priesthood by providing a place – called a “Vocationary” – where men can go live, learn, and discern, under the guidance of priests of the order. Their services are absolutely free and they do not care whether you have any interest in joining their order or not.

Even if money is not a bar to moving out, it could not hurt to contact them anyway. They provide exactly what it seems that you need right now, a supportive environment in which to discern where the Lord is leading you.

Here is a quote from their website, describing what the Vocationary is about:

In the Vocationary, candidates study, pray and discern first of all the authenticity of their calling, under the guidance of the Vocationist Fathers; simultaneously, they are slowly introduced to an adequate knowledge and appreciation of a life of service either in diocesan priesthood or in a religious congregation.

Those who continue showing signs of Divine Call while living in a Vocationary have an opportunity of being exposed more deeply both to the life and ministry of a diocesan priest and to the mission and charisma of the main religious congregations in the Church. Once a candidate reaches his final decision, the Vocationist Fathers make the necessary contact with the diocese or religious congregation that a given candidate has chosen and recommend him to the care of its superiors.

Please understand that I am not passing judgment on your mother as a person or as a mother. I am simply saying that based on the information you have provided, her actions are wrong, Fourth Commandment notwithstanding.

 

[goodcatholicman]

You Give Up On The Discernment Of Your Vocation And You Will Hate Yourself For It And Then You Will Resent And Hate Your Own Mother For Making You Feel This Way. Move Out, Discern For Yourself And Reconcile With Mom When Time Is Right. Any Other Move And You Will Regret It. Trust Me On This One, Please!!

 

[Ray7088]

Greetings brother,

Unfortunately, I have come across a similar situation with my own parents. According to my priest, sadly, nowadays, many parents are discouraging their sons and daughters from the priesthood and religious life. There are always a number of guys in seminary who have parents that are very unhappy with their choice of entering a period of serious discernment. In our day, even thinking about a life totally consecrated to God is a radical step. You know you’re on the right track when society-at-large reacts with an uproar.

Parents, especially those who do not regularly practice the Faith, have the same grave misconceptions that the world has about the priesthood/religious life. It is their ignorance of it that makes them lash out in such a horrendous way. Remember that many of the saints had families that were against their vocation, e.g. St. Thomas Aquinas and St. Francis of Assisi.

My advice is: Do what you need to do to sustain your spiritual life and your vocation. Ideally, you’d want your mother to approve of your choice and be happy for you, but this may not happen so soon. Realize that this is going to take some time for her. As St. Josemaria Escriva said, “Don’t say: ‘That person gets on my nerves.’ Think: ‘That person sanctifies me.’” Take this as an opportunity to bear your cross for the time being.

As the other people who have replied previously said, if you are called to be a priest, the Lord will show you the way, no matter how difficult the road ahead will be.

 

[bpbasilphx]

Your mother sounds very much like mine; she was controlling as well, and said similar things to me when I mentioned my monastic vocation to her.

I know you love your mother and it hurts you to hear her talk this way, and you might well lose patience with her and say things you may regret.

But if you are an adult, you have to do what you feel is right, and what you feel God will have you do. Remember that.

 

[sanctamaria17]

I will pray for you. God bless you for discerning this call! We need more priests! Don’t give up, if this is your call, you must follow it, even if it leads to suffering. I will pray that God gives you the courage and the means to follow Him. I’ll also pray for your mom, that she changes her mind. Trust me, I have to hear the “You’re so mean!” complaints about having my beliefs as well (though these pertain to my disapproval of abortion, gay marriage, etc.) It’s another one of Satan’s tactics to distract us from the Lord. I hope it works out for you!