Discussing Intimacy With Sibling

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CuriousInIL

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Based on the replies in a few other threads, and not wanting to sidetrack those threads, I am interested in knowing people’s attitudes towards a spouse discussing intimate (i.e., sexual) issues with their sibling with or without knowledge by the spouse. Is this OK? Wrong? Why or why not? And, does it matter whether the sibling is the same sex or opposite sex?
 
CuriousInIL said:
Based on the replies in a few other threads, and not wanting to sidetrack those threads, I am interested in knowing people’s attitudes towards a spouse discussing intimate (i.e., sexual) issues with their sibling with or without knowledge by the spouse. Is this OK? Wrong? Why or why not? And, does it matter whether the sibling is the same sex or opposite sex?
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No way, if you must talk about it, do it with someone who does not know your spouse. Just what I want all my inlaws to know! :eek:
 
MysticalMan said:
No way, if you must talk about it, do it with someone who does not know your spouse. Just what I want all my inlaws to know! :eek:
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i do believe in this too… if you do want to discuss details of anything happening in your family … anything that might be degrading to your spouse, always talk to someone who will never have a chance to bring it up in your spouse’s presence…
 
I think it’s disrespectful of one’s spouse to discuss intimate issues with a sibling. Intimacy should be between two married people only!
 
I think that would be very disrespectful and I would be quite angry with my husband if he did that. What goes on in your bedroom is your business.
 
CuriousInIL said:
Based on the replies in a few other threads, and not wanting to sidetrack those threads, I am interested in knowing people’s attitudes towards a spouse discussing intimate (i.e., sexual) issues with their sibling with or without knowledge by the spouse. Is this OK? Wrong? Why or why not? And, does it matter whether the sibling is the same sex or opposite sex?
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I’ve said it before here and I will say it again, talking about intimate details of your marriage, not just your sex life, but little habits spouse has, irritations, spats, quarrels, as well as other intimate, things, especially those situations where your spouse has opened up and shared with you something important–talking about this stuff with your mother, sister, co-worker, girl-friend, whoever is infidelity, it is a betrayal of trust, and can destroy a marriage.

It takes a lot for some people especially men to trust enough to open up and talk about things close to their hearts, and when you go babbling about what he shared with you, it is a deep betrayal and very damaging to the relationship.

If you find a need to talk about your sexual activities to outsiders (other than a doctor or therapist in the case of a genuine medical need or therapeutic need) you have a problem and need counselling. That is wrong, it is bad etiquette, it is being unfaithful, it is exposing your private live to third parties, which is a violation of the 6th & 9th commandments, it is nobody’s business, and you need help if you can’t find anything better to talk about.

If your friends are the kind who batten on other people’s marital situations and troubles, tell them to watch soap operas, you are through providing their entertainment.

Newlyweds, if you would like a guarantee on destroying your marriage, discuss your sex life with your in-laws or your own relatives.
 
What would be the intent of a spouse having such a discussion with a sibling? Mal-intent seems to be assumed by most of the responders. If mal-intent is the purpose (making fun of, demonstrating inadequacies’) then the answer is obvious.

Could there be other reasons for a spouse to discuss aspects of their sexual life with their siblings?

What if this was the topic?

“My husband read Pope John Paul II’s ‘Love and Responsibility’, including the part at the end about a husband’s responsibility to sexually satisfy his wife, and he has been very very loving to me lately.”

or

“Since we are having trouble conceiving, my wife has been interested in helping improve our chances my religiously monitoring her temperature and other fertile signs for us.”

Is sex a taboo topic that should never be discussed with family, intentions notwithstanding?
 
I think those two questions would be OK to bring up (Love & Responsibility, fertility questions, etc.), however, complaints, habits or anything should stay behind closed doors.

I’m not married but am currently dating a wonderful boy and I would never tell people the stuff he’s confided in me, or about any kisses. Those are between the two of us and the rest of the world does not need to know that.
 
I guess I was thinking of the sorts of things that might also (I thought commonly) discussed with a close friend. Not the details of “we did this” or a play-by-play on specific acts, but maybe more something like, “I seem to be too tired for my spouse lately; has that every happened with you and how did you deal with it?” or, depending on how close you are, maybe something like “My spouse mentioned ________, and I am embarrassed to say I don’t know what that is (or how to do that); do you now?” or even “My spouse got so mad when I ______________, and I can’t figure out why even though we have discussed it a number of times. Can you help?”

Is the consensus that these are “a betrayal of trust” and/or “Infidelity”?

And if it is, how then is one to get any sort of outside help?
 
CuriousInIL said:
, but maybe more something like, “I seem to be too tired for my spouse lately; has that every happened with you and how did you deal with it?” or, depending on how close you are, maybe something like “My spouse mentioned ________, and I am embarrassed to say I don’t know what that is (or how to do that); do you now?” or even “My spouse got so mad when I ______________, and I can’t figure out why even though we have discussed it a number of times. Can you help?”

Is the consensus that these are “a betrayal of trust” and/or “Infidelity”?

And if it is, how then is one to get any sort of outside help?
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In all of these scenarios you should be discussing it with your spouse, not with someone else. I’m sort of having trouble following what might be in the “_____”. I don’t need you to fill it in, I just can’t imagine these situations occuring. But, if they did, they should be resolved in the marriage, not over coffee with a relative or friend.

“Honey, I seem to be too tired for intimacy lately. Have you noticed anything out of the ordinary in my behavior? How can we work through this? Maybe I need some help with the housework. Maybe I need to get out and exercise more…”

Brainstorm with your spouse, not your friend or your sister.

“Honey, I don’t know what ____ is. Can you explain it to me? Is it within what the Church considers allowable foreplay?”

“Honey, I want to understand why you got so mad about ___. Let’s discuss this and resolve the situation.”

**These are intimtae details-- and should not be discussed outside the marriage, IMHO. **
 
1ke said:
In all of these scenarios you should be discussing it with your spouse, not with someone else. I’m sort of having trouble following what might be in the “_____”. I don’t need you to fill it in, I just can’t imagine these situations occuring. But, if they did, they should be resolved in the marriage, not over coffee with a relative or friend.

“Honey, I seem to be too tired for intimacy lately. Have you noticed anything out of the ordinary in my behavior? How can we work through this? Maybe I need some help with the housework. Maybe I need to get out and exercise more…”

Brainstorm with your spouse, not your friend or your sister.

“Honey, I don’t know what ____ is. Can you explain it to me? Is it within what the Church considers allowable foreplay?”

“Honey, I want to understand why you got so mad about ___. Let’s discuss this and resolve the situation.”

**These are intimtae details-- and should not be discussed outside the marriage, IMHO. **
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I was trying to posit those situations after discussion with your spouse where there still was an unresolved issue and some external resource might be helpful.
 
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