Disheartened.

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Dheart

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Hi there.

A few years ago I had the desire to become a catholic, I have been religious all my life, in my heart but truly realised and believed the Catholic Church was the place for me.

I had met my priest and started attending every sunday and often on weekdays. The priest had given me the catechism and I had already emphasised upon which parts confirmed to me that the Catholic Church was the true church. At this point, I had already ready it I then began to read it again as he directed me on what parts to read. Suddenly, it stopped. I had contacted my priest via email, I asked him after mass what shall I do next? I said I was continuing to study the catechism, in the meantime I had learnt the rosary, acts of faith, contrition, charity.

Each time I was not given an answer, merely told we will talk soon. Over a year passed, I felt so unwelcome no thanks to the fellow mass goers. In the end, I have not attended now for a while, after attending for a lengthy time. So what could it be? What have I done?

This easter, when those were announced to receive the baptism and confirmation, 3 people were announced who had not attended for as long as me. I felt deeply hurt.

I have changed a lot overall, I have begun to love all and have stood by with faith, hoping that I may be eventually allowed to receive the body and blood of Christ.

Now, I have a dilemma, I am thinking of perhaps trying another priest but I feel that surely they will know each other and it will be like I am “disowning” my first church. Perhaps I am looking far too much into things here.

I suppose I am looking for advice, what shall I do?

I just feel hurt, sad and disheartened and most of all, defeated.
 
Dear one,
I am so sorry for your experience. While I don’t know the details of your situation, my suspicion is that yours is an overworked priest who has dropped the ball. Frankly, most parishes have older priests who are well past retirement age, and who aren’t necessarily able to keep up with everyone.

You can apply to the Bishop for direction, or seek another parish. If the folks in the church you’re going to aren’t particularly welcoming, shame on them. Again, I don’t know the details of your situation, but on both counts, it sounds very much like sad human failure, and not a good reflection of the welcoming community of faith we are called to be.

You have my prayers in your journey.
 
I’m sorry you feel disheartened about not being received in the Church after studying the Catechism and attending Mass for so long. Does this parish have an RCIA program (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults)? Larger parishes usually do. It’s an opportunity to learn the faith and Catholic tradition, discern your own relationship with Christ, and be in community with others who are traveling the same path. You might want to make an appt. with the priest (most are extremely busy) and ask him if the parish offers it. Not all parishes have the program, but sometimes nearby parishes are willing to help out. If this priest can’t find time to schedule an appt., then you might want to attend Mass at the different parish and if you like it, you could discuss your desire to be Catholic with a priest from that parish. You don’t have to say anything derogatory about the priest or parish you’ve been visiting. Just keep the focus on your desire to become a member of the Body of Christ.

God bless!
 
Cont…
There is no such thing as being disloyal to a particular parish, or priest, for that matter. Priests are shepherds and are bound by obedience to go where they are called, and to minister to the flock there. Different parishes have different spirits to them - seek where you will and don’t worry about anything else. The whole point is the Eucharist.
 
rupertbrooke said:
Dear one,
I am so sorry for your experience. While I don’t know the details of your situation, my suspicion is that yours is an overworked priest who has dropped the ball. Frankly, most parishes have older priests who are well past retirement age, and who aren’t necessarily able to keep up with everyone.

You can apply to the Bishop for direction, or seek another parish. If the folks in the church you’re going to aren’t particularly welcoming, shame on them. Again, I don’t know the details of your situation, but on both counts, it sounds very much like sad human failure, and not a good reflection of the welcoming community of faith we are called to be.

You have my prayers in your journey.
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Thank you for your response.

This could very well be the case. I have to be honest, a handful were very welcoming but for the most part, I was made to feel like a stranger. Most people knew each other and I was sort of just sat there. Anyway, perhaps it just wasn’t to be. May God bless all those priests who put in so much effort.

I think I will seek out another parish, explain where I am at in regards to my knowledge of the faith and catechism and pretend all this never happened. 🙂
 
rupertbrooke said:
Cont…
There is no such thing as being disloyal to a particular parish, or priest, for that matter. Priests are shepherds and are bound by obedience to go where they are called, and to minister to the flock there. Different parishes have different spirits to them - seek where you will and don’t worry about anything else. The whole point is the Eucharist.
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Thank you, this has made me feel much better. This was my main concern, for some reason.
 
ElizMary said:
I’m sorry you feel disheartened about not being received in the Church after studying the Catechism and attending Mass for so long. Does this parish have an RCIA program (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults)? Larger parishes usually do. It’s an opportunity to learn the faith and Catholic tradition, discern your own relationship with Christ, and be in community with others who are traveling the same path. You might want to make an appt. with the priest (most are extremely busy) and ask him if the parish offers it. Not all parishes have the program, but sometimes nearby parishes are willing to help out. If this priest can’t find time to schedule an appt., then you might want to attend Mass at the different parish and if you like it, you could discuss your desire to be Catholic with a priest from that parish. You don’t have to say anything derogatory about the priest or parish you’ve been visiting. Just keep the focus on your desire to become a member of the Body of Christ.

God bless!
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This was really what I didn’t want to do. I somehow felt like going elsewhere would be doing this with action, rather than my words and thoughts. I feel no ill towards anyone there, sometimes God has a plan for us, I truly believe this. Perhaps this is a part of it all.

I’m unsure if they have an RCIA program but I have thought about this before. Definitely something to enquire about when I seek out another parish. Thank you for your response.
 
Don’t feel bad. I will definitely pray for you. Several ideas come to mind. Perhaps you could make an appointment with this priest? He probably feels rushed after Mass, especially if he’s getting ready for the next Mass, and most likely feels like there’s not enough time to adequately answer any questions you may have.

You don’t need to feel bad if you want to change parishes. I recently made the difficult decision to do just that. If the other parishioners are so cold towards you that you feel depressed at Mass, you should switch parishes. I’m sure God would rather you try different parishes until you find a fit, than not go to Mass at all.
 
namax91 said:
Don’t feel bad. I will definitely pray for you. Several ideas come to mind. Perhaps you could make an appointment with this priest? He probably feels rushed after Mass, especially if he’s getting ready for the next Mass, and most likely feels like there’s not enough time to adequately answer any questions you may have.

You don’t need to feel bad if you want to change parishes. I recently made the difficult decision to do just that. If the other parishioners are so cold towards you that you feel depressed at Mass, you should switch parishes. I’m sure God would rather you try different parishes until you find a fit, than not go to Mass at all.
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The strange thing is, we communicated via email for quite some time then it totally broke off. I am unsure why this has all happened but I hope it was not anything I have done (I cannot possibly think what I have done wrong)

I think it is best to change parish. I believe the problem with the coldness is that many of the parishioners are older and perhaps feel unable to communicate with me, meanwhile the younger ones are largely Indian and are very insular to the other non-Indian parishioners.

Thank you all for your prayers and I hope you are settling in better in your new parish. 🙂
 
Priests are Christ’s representatives on earth and make invaluable sacrifices for the flock. But they are human. Our priests are under manned and over worked. In most cases, they are limited by the laws of physics, i.e. they can’t be in two places at one time (unless they’re Padre Pio:D) The ratio of priests to parishioners is still so high that the Church in the US could not function without active participation of the laity. Priests can still fall under crosses like ill health and family problems, management problems in the parish.

I understand how you could feel after
This easter, when those were announced to receive the baptism and confirmation, 3 people were announced who had not attended for as long as me. I felt deeply hurt
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My take is the shepherd was calling you back to the flock not meaning to offend you.
Now, I have a dilemma, I am thinking of perhaps trying another priest but I feel that surely they will know each other and it will be like I am “disowning” my first church. Perhaps I am looking far too much into things here.
Click to expand...
Your parish is one parish in the Universal Church. Changing parishes is not disowning or abandoning the Church because you would be in the same Church.

You have come so far in your faith journey and Jesus promises so much more to you. Don’t let the human frailties of priests dissuade you from what you’re seeking.

Christ knew they would be imperfect but chose them anyway. If you think you have it bad with your priest, Christ was dealing with:

Peter would deny Him three times.
Thomas couldn’t believe what he didn’t see.
John and James were ambitious mamma’s boys.
Matthew? was a tax collector.
and Judas…

If you can’t work with this priest, by all means, go to another parish. Where ever you go, remember that the imperfections of Christ’s representatives can never diminish the perfection of Christ Himself in all His love.
 
QUOTE=Dheart;12949655. I am unsure why this has all happened but I hope it was not anything I have done (I cannot possibly think what I have done wrong)

I am quite sure you have done nothing wrong, by the way. Everyone is welcome, everyone is called. There is no magical requirement for becoming Catholic, apart from being educated in the faith, confessing your sins, and generally being in a state where you are ready to be receptive of God’s grace.

If there were something so obviously sinful in your life that the priest felt like he should counsel you, then he would.

You have done nothing wrong.
 
I also had trouble connecting with overworked priest and very large, impersonal parishes. The diocese website in my area lists parishes and how many families are registered there. They also list the staff, so you can find the ratio of people to priests or deacons. Three of the closest parishes near me have 800-1250 families a piece, but they only have one priest and one deacon. A larger parish with 2300 has one priest, an associate priest and three deacons. Sadly one with 4408 families has only 1 priest, 1 associate priest and 1 deacon.

So I can see where one person can easily fall through the cracks.

But Christ goes after the lost sheep.

I did find a small parish with 1 priest and 1 amazing deacon to 300 families.

So check out a smaller parish where you will have better odds. I travel an hour to be with Christ.
 
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