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h1478971
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what is the reason for children required to obey their parents. What are the ends of that? untill when does that requirement stand for them,i.e age 18?
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kage_ar
Guest
According to the Catechism, obedience to parents is owed until you are living on your own and paying your own way in life (that is what emancipation means).
scborromeo.org/ccc/para/2217.htm
**2217 **As long as a child lives at home with his parents, the child should obey his parents in all that they ask of him when it is for his good or that of the family. “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” Children should also obey the reasonable directions of their teachers and all to whom their parents have entrusted them. But if a child is convinced in conscience that it would be morally wrong to obey a particular order, he must not do so.
As they grow up, children should continue to respect their parents. They should anticipate their wishes, willingly seek their advice, and accept their just admonitions. Obedience toward parents ceases with the emancipation of the children; not so respect, which is always owed to them. This respect has its roots in the fear of God, one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit.
scborromeo.org/ccc/para/2217.htm
**2217 **As long as a child lives at home with his parents, the child should obey his parents in all that they ask of him when it is for his good or that of the family. “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” Children should also obey the reasonable directions of their teachers and all to whom their parents have entrusted them. But if a child is convinced in conscience that it would be morally wrong to obey a particular order, he must not do so.
As they grow up, children should continue to respect their parents. They should anticipate their wishes, willingly seek their advice, and accept their just admonitions. Obedience toward parents ceases with the emancipation of the children; not so respect, which is always owed to them. This respect has its roots in the fear of God, one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit.
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Bluegoat
Guest
I don’t disagree with the pp, but one can still be living with parents and paying their own way. In fact, elderly parents often live with their children.
Even if kids are college age, most parents understand implicitly that they are essentially adults and are responsible for their own decisions in life. There are lines that can be crossed. I had a friend who was a student, and his parents were helping pay for university - he was a hard worker and they didn’t pay for it all, but he was still in the family home part of the year. They felt since that was the case, they could insist on his university major, an engineering degree like his dad. My friend wasn’t interested in it. (He wasn’t an irresponsible guy, and had other very reasonable ideas of what he wanted to do.)
He got the engineering degree - he was a very obedient son. But I thought it was very wrong of his parents to demand that of him.
Even if kids are college age, most parents understand implicitly that they are essentially adults and are responsible for their own decisions in life. There are lines that can be crossed. I had a friend who was a student, and his parents were helping pay for university - he was a hard worker and they didn’t pay for it all, but he was still in the family home part of the year. They felt since that was the case, they could insist on his university major, an engineering degree like his dad. My friend wasn’t interested in it. (He wasn’t an irresponsible guy, and had other very reasonable ideas of what he wanted to do.)
He got the engineering degree - he was a very obedient son. But I thought it was very wrong of his parents to demand that of him.
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h1478971
Guest
I kind of think it was wrong too to force a son to do something he does not want to do.
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kage_ar
Guest
Your friend had the option of working his way through school, getting a GI bill, earning scholarships, many ways to pay for his own schooling and then major in whatever his heart desired.
He who has the gold makes the rules.
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Bluegoat
Guest
Sure, he could have.I think he probably should have. He felt that he should do what they asked of him. THat isn’t really the point.
My point is, most parents would not be disrespectful enough of their adult children to try to make this kind of choice for the child. Most parents would want to help a hardworking respectful child who had a reasonable plan for following a path in life - they don’t try to impose their own life choices on their kids in that way. What does it say about them that they would? What does it say that they would tie their help in starting out their child in life to money and a kind of obedience that is not owed to them by nature?
THink if the parents had offered to pay for a wedding. A fine and kind thing to do. No one would think it to harsh if the parents refused when their son brought home a totally unsuitable person. But what if the son brought home a very nice girl, but not the one next door they felt he should marry? What if they refused to help out then? Would that not be a strange and inappropriate? Of course within their rights but - somehow very wrong.
Obedience is always within certain bounds - any authority figures can ask for kinds of obedience that are outside of they are really owed. That doesn’t just include obviously immoral or illegal things either - every kind of authority has natural limits. Parents, the state, even the Church.
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kage_ar
Guest
These are outlined in the teaching of the Church. Parents authority ends when the child is emancipated.
In your example, if parents do not approve of the girl they have every right to not pay for the wedding. No one is owed a free wedding -
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Bluegoat
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And what are their grounds for approval to be? But again, I think you are missing the point.
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kage_ar
Guest
If DH and I were wealthy and could afford to pay for a big wedding, the ground rules for paying for it would have been set forth for years. It is one thing we don’t have to worry about as we are poor
The point is that parents are to care for, clothe, feed and provide access to basic education for children, that is what is “owed” to the child. Anything else is a gift.
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Bluegoat
Guest
Parents should not offer gifts as a way to control more than they are entitled to by nature. The principle is the same as with a small child. Parents can expect, and should teach, a certain kind of obedience. But they do not own the child, and there are limits to what they can ask even of a small child. A child is a person who belongs to himself and God. They also have responsibilities to fulfill in helping the child become an independent person, to love the child, etc. These responsibilities are not the result of the child’s obedience, but are there for the parent whether the young child is obedient or a hellion.If DH and I were wealthy and could afford to pay for a big wedding, the ground rules for paying for it would have been set forth for years. It is one thing we don’t have to worry about as we are poor
The point is that parents are to care for, clothe, feed and provide access to basic education for children, that is what is “owed” to the child. Anything else is a gift.
Parents who offer, for example, to help a child pay for university education are usually trying to fulfill what they feel their responsibilities are. It is a gift, but not just a gift - not the same as setting up a bursary for a stranger.
But you never did answer the question - what do you think it says about a parents attitude to his child if he says - “I will help you out with your educational expenses if you become a doctor.” Child says - “I would really like to be a sound engineer” and the parent says, “no, then you have to do it on your own.” What is it that parent is trying to do? Or the parent who makes a rule that the child in university, at 18 or 19, is under no circumstances is allowed to date? There is something very wrong and unhealthy going on in that parents mind.
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kage_ar
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Again, as I have said - parents have a right and a responsibility to put conditions on gifts. We do not want to raise children with the “entitlement mentality” (soooooo rampant on our world today).
Think of God, He gives us the gift of eternal life - however, we have to do what God says to partake of that gift. God is our loving father, and the very best example of fatherhood.
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flyingfish
Guest
The reason for the rule is probably to keep order and peace in the family.
I also think it applies to reasonable requests, like “please help me clean the house” and not ridiculous requests like “you are brushing your hair the wrong way”.
The rule applies as long as your parents are supporting you and want to enforce this rule.
Not all parents want their children to obey them in everything. Some parents only want obedience in a few things, like safety issues (not using drugs, things like that). Other parents are control freaks, and then you have to decide to what extent their demands are reasonable.
The rule has a second part to it, that parents should not make unreasonable demands, and should not abuse their authority.
Once you don’t financially depend on them/are pulling your own weight in the household you don’t owe them obedience.
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