P
Picasso
Guest
I’m in the annulment process right now and was wondering if it’s okay to start dating again. My ex-wife has already re-married.
Anyone have any thoughts?
Anyone have any thoughts?
- Status
S
space_ghost
Guest
Disclaimer [my thoughts]… as far as the church is concerned you are still married… do you have children? do you have God-children?
If so, will dating before your declaration of nullity send the wrong message? Is it really necessary for you to date prior to the declaration of nullity(assuming of course it’s successful)… and suppose it’s denied,… and now your in trouble, you have probably started a new relationship, and who knows, might have even fallen in love… i vote wait… but, free will is a biggie and the decision is yours my friend… seem the possible problems far outweigh the discomfort of living just a little longer as the married man that you are…
Again, just my thoughts… what do you think?
P
Picasso
Guest
Thanks for your thoughts. I haven’t dated at all. My daughter, whom I keep in touch with and visit frequently, lives in another state. I very aware of setting a good example for her. I guess I should just be paptient and trust in the Lord. Thanks for your thoughts!
D
DAWNCUROLE
Guest
OK it is just my two cents but I might suggest a BE weekend. That’s a Beginning Week end Experience it is excellent for anyone who has been divorced or widowed. I think it may help you when you do start dating whether it is sooner or later. God Bless!
M
mikworld
Guest
Anullment is not a process that always turns out as you expect. The tribunal may find that your marriage remains valid, in which case you would still be married in the eyes of the church.
I strongly reccomend waiting to date until the tribunal makes it’s decision. Then if they decide to declare your marriage null, you will be free to date and re-marry.
God Bless,
Justin
I strongly reccomend waiting to date until the tribunal makes it’s decision. Then if they decide to declare your marriage null, you will be free to date and re-marry.
God Bless,
Justin
L
Lilyofthevalley
Guest
I’m in the annulment process right now and was wondering if it’s okay to start dating again. My ex-wife has already re-married.
Anyone have any thoughts?
Why would you want to put yourself through that again so soon after a seperation?Your wife I don’t understand how folks change spouses like underwear, but maybe you should breath a sigh of relief that such a person is out of your life.
i know rejection stinks, but look at the person rejecting you. It maybe a compliment.
M
moonfire
Guest
Hello! I understand your question and thought I’d share my experience. I am divorced and annuled. Before I received my annulment, I met a really great guy at a Pro-life fundraiser. We went out on a date and that evening I realized I would like to get to know him better. He didn’t know that I was divorced and I knew I had to tell him that on that evening. He answered gently that as much as he liked me ( 
) he would not be able to get involved with me romantically because I had not been annuled yet. He said he knew a few people who had started dating and had fallen in love before their annulment came through, and fortunately, it did, but can you imagine if it didn’t?
I guess at that point, I felt really kind of disappointed, yet, really wonderful! I thought this man was one of the best guys ever - someone who had such a high regard for his faith, his God and himself as well - to not put himself in a position that could have had a potential to be a very difficult situation down the road… it made a lot of sense. For one thing, I had no guarantee that my annulment would come through. And I knew in my heart I wanted to be married in the church. Secondly, I realized that night that he was the type of person I wanted to marry someday. Even if it wasn’t him per se, I knew there were at least some really good guys out there who put their faith ahead of their own personal desires. It set a new standard for me - he sort of raised the bar on what I’m looking for in a spouse. So if nothing else, I saw that as a reflection on who would date me versus who I would date…
I didn’t date anyone after that night until after my annulment was granted. It happened to be really easy actually because my criteria is quite a bit higher these days! But after 6 months, my annulment was granted and we actually went out on a couple of dates. It turned out that we didn’t really see a relationship in our future and agreed to just be friends but that was fine. It was hard that 6 or 7 months before that to be at the beginning of my annulment process and think I had to wait SO long to date him, or anyone else. But it went by fast, and it didn’t really matter once I knew what I really wanted
My advice, based on my experience is to wait. I can see how the “temptation” to go out would be there - the “why not” rationale. But if you think of what you really want down the road… do you want a marriage in the Church? Do you want someone who puts God and their relationship with Him ahead of anyone else and who will help you get to Heaven? Do YOU want to be a person like that as well? If you can get your mind on those things, I think the dating issue will become much clearer I hope… it did for me, anyway
I also went through a good divorce group thing that used a book called “Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends” I put a link to a resource for the book/group thing below. If nothing else, getting the book I think would help (if you haven’t already read something like that…). One of the things that they talk about in there are the “building blocks” that I also kind of looked at as little pitfalls and things to watch out for. It was really helpful for me to read and attend the sessions, even though it was after my divorce was over, because it helped me feel a little more normal. For instance, there is a HUGE tendency for people just out of a significant relationship to want to date again, and (worse yet) jump into a big relationship or (worse yet!) get married before they have dealt with a lot of their own issues. Or grown. It was really interesting and helpful for me to learn that some of these tendencies are natural, even though they may not be in our best interests… knowing others have the same issues was really helpful and it was beneficial for me to know the areas where I may “slip” or to understand why I had already…
Hang in there! And God bless,
Jb
divorceandseparation.org.uk/resources.htm
) he would not be able to get involved with me romantically because I had not been annuled yet. He said he knew a few people who had started dating and had fallen in love before their annulment came through, and fortunately, it did, but can you imagine if it didn’t?I guess at that point, I felt really kind of disappointed, yet, really wonderful! I thought this man was one of the best guys ever - someone who had such a high regard for his faith, his God and himself as well - to not put himself in a position that could have had a potential to be a very difficult situation down the road… it made a lot of sense. For one thing, I had no guarantee that my annulment would come through. And I knew in my heart I wanted to be married in the church. Secondly, I realized that night that he was the type of person I wanted to marry someday. Even if it wasn’t him per se, I knew there were at least some really good guys out there who put their faith ahead of their own personal desires. It set a new standard for me - he sort of raised the bar on what I’m looking for in a spouse. So if nothing else, I saw that as a reflection on who would date me versus who I would date…
I didn’t date anyone after that night until after my annulment was granted. It happened to be really easy actually because my criteria is quite a bit higher these days! But after 6 months, my annulment was granted and we actually went out on a couple of dates. It turned out that we didn’t really see a relationship in our future and agreed to just be friends but that was fine. It was hard that 6 or 7 months before that to be at the beginning of my annulment process and think I had to wait SO long to date him, or anyone else. But it went by fast, and it didn’t really matter once I knew what I really wanted
My advice, based on my experience is to wait. I can see how the “temptation” to go out would be there - the “why not” rationale. But if you think of what you really want down the road… do you want a marriage in the Church? Do you want someone who puts God and their relationship with Him ahead of anyone else and who will help you get to Heaven? Do YOU want to be a person like that as well? If you can get your mind on those things, I think the dating issue will become much clearer
I hope… it did for me, anyway I also went through a good divorce group thing that used a book called “Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends” I put a link to a resource for the book/group thing below. If nothing else, getting the book I think would help (if you haven’t already read something like that…). One of the things that they talk about in there are the “building blocks” that I also kind of looked at as little pitfalls and things to watch out for. It was really helpful for me to read and attend the sessions, even though it was after my divorce was over, because it helped me feel a little more normal. For instance, there is a HUGE tendency for people just out of a significant relationship to want to date again, and (worse yet) jump into a big relationship or (worse yet!) get married before they have dealt with a lot of their own issues. Or grown. It was really interesting and helpful for me to learn that some of these tendencies are natural, even though they may not be in our best interests… knowing others have the same issues was really helpful and it was beneficial for me to know the areas where I may “slip” or to understand why I had already…
Hang in there!
And God bless,Jb
divorceandseparation.org.uk/resources.htm
P
Picasso
Guest
Thank You!!!
- Status