Divorce and Remarriage

[CSJ]

My wife and I are considering converting to Catholicism, but we want to be clear on several doctrines. Before I ask the question, I would like to add that we are happily married, but we have several friends who are divorced and remarried. The question I have is that if a man’s wife commits adultery and leaves him for the other man, is that man allowed to remarry. I do know that he has grounds for divorce, but I’m unsure of his grounds for remarriage.

I would like to know what the Church’s stand is on this matter. I know that my Protestant faith allows divorce and remarriage, but I have never felt right about it.

We already respect and agree with the Church’s stand on birth control. There are a few other doctrinal questions that we have though, but I will save those for other posts.

Thank you in advance.
Claude

 

[Timidity]

The bond of marriage is lifelong, and nothing but death of one of the partners can dissolve it. So as long as there was a valid marriage, it’s impossible to marry again while your spouse is alive.

The trick is determining whether or not there was truly a valid martial bond, but that’s another topic altogether,

 

[Catholic2003]

The online Old Catholic Encyclopedia article on Divorce (in Moral Theology) is a good place to read about the Church’s teachings on this topic:

The Catholic doctrine on divorce may be summed up in the following propositions:

• In Christian marriage, which implies the restoration, by Christ Himself, of marriage to its original indissolubility, there can never be an absolute divorce, at least after the marriage has been consummated;
• Non-Christian marriage can be dissolved by absolute divorce under certain circumstances in favour of the Faith;
• Christian marriage before consummation can be dissolved by solemn profession in a religious order, or by an act of papal authority;
• Separation from bed and board (divortium imperfectum) is allowed for various causes, especially in the case of adultery or lapse into infidelity or heresy on the part of husband or wife.

 

[Boeta]

I am in the process of converting to Catholic faith. I have been previously married and divorced. My marriage took place in a Protestant church and is therefore recognized by the Catholic Church.

I have since remarried. The Catholic stand on marriage is clear. However, there is a potential for a previous marriage to be annulled by the Church in which case you can re-marry.

My second wife was a non-practising Catholic at the time of our marriage. (A civil ceremony that is NOT recognized by the Church.)

I have applied for an annulment (It can take as long as 1.5 years to get if approved depending on individual circumstances. I have applied 6 months ago and it is still in the witness stage.

In the meantime, the Church is not recognizing the union between myself and my second wife. We have chosen to live together as brother and sister until the Church hands down a decision.

Should the decision go against an annulment, we will continue to live together as brother and sister. If we fail to do that, my wife is cut off from communion and lives in mortal sin. I will not be allowed to join the Church as I will be living in mortal sin myself. That option is unpallatable to both her and myself. Should the annulment be granted, then we will get married in the Church and then live together as husband and wife.

That is the position of the Church. As we are both practising faith now, it is also our decision to abide by the rules of the Church. It is better to do so for the short time that we are on earth, than be damned for eternity. But each has to make their own choices.

 

[MariaGorettiGrl]

Should the decision go against an annulment, we will continue to live together as brother and sister. If we fail to do that, my wife is cut off from communion and lives in mortal sin. I will not be allowed to join the Church as I will be living in mortal sin myself. That option is unpallatable to both her and myself. Should the annulment be granted, then we will get married in the Church and then live together as husband and wife.
It is better to do so for the short time that we are on earth, than be damned for eternity.

You sound like a sensible couple and I have great respect for you abiding by the church’s rules! I’ll keep you in my prayers.

As for Claude,

The Catholic church doesn’t allow any divorces. It’s a blessing, considering how many couples marry and divorce several times in a matter of a few years! The Catholic church reminds people that if you’re going to say “til death do us part”, you’d better mean it. “We just don’t love each other anymore” doesn’t cut it. There has to be some evidence that the marriage wasn’t valid because the vows weren’t meant. Every case is different, but one spouse moving on to “marry” other people could be grounds for arguing they weren’t honest in their vows. This could bring an annulment, which is not a divorce. A divorce says the marriage is over while an annulment says it was never official.

Again, every case is different, but if the man wanted to remarry after his wife left him, he’d have to wait for an annulment and then he would be officially single and free to remarry.

I hope you and your wife find the answers your looking for here and find a home in the Catholic church! My prayers will be with you!

 

[Timidity]

MariaGorettiGrl:

The Catholic church doesn’t allow any divorces.

That’s not exactly true. The Church allows couples to divorce when necessary for the physical, mental, or financial safety of one of the spouses and/or the children. However the divorce does not dissolve the sacramental marrital bond, and does not allow for remarriage.

 

[Liberian]

Boeta,

Welcome to the Catholic Answers Forums!

And (a little early) welcome to the Catholic Church! I wish you great joy.

And my hat off to you and your wife for your decision to abide by the Church’s teachings on marriage and remarriage.

• Liberian

 

[mlchance]

CSJ:

The question I have is that if a man’s wife commits adultery and leaves him for the other man, is that man allowed to remarry. I do know that he has grounds for divorce, but I’m unsure of his grounds for remarriage.

He might have civil grounds for divorce, but he has no grounds according to the Church. Adultery does not justify divorce, and it certainly can’t excuse remarriage after a divorce.

– Mark L. Chance.

 

[Mom_of_5]

mlchance:

He might have civil grounds for divorce, but he has no grounds according to the Church. Adultery does not justify divorce, and it certainly can’t excuse remarriage after a divorce.

– Mark L. Chance.

Adultery does not justify divorce??? Someone out there who is more familiar with the scriptures, help us, please…I believe this is a justification for divorce, bibically.

Love and peace,

Mom of 5

 

[Pro-Life_Teen]

Mom of 5:

Adultery does not justify divorce??? Someone out there who is more familiar with the scriptures, help us, please…I believe this is a justification for divorce, bibically.

Love and peace,

Mom of 5

It isn’t.

Matthew 5:32 but I tell you that whoever puts away his wife, except for the cause of sexual immorality, makes her an adulteress; and whoever marries her when she is put away commits adultery.

And by sexual immorality, it’s meant that is the marriage never was. So, in reality, Jesus is speaking about annulments there.

An annulment only says that the marriage was never true. It doesn’t undo a marriage.

 

[rayne89]

sjnohio.com/Divorce.htm

*In Matthew 19: 3-10, **“Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, ‘Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?’ He answered, ‘Have you not read that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder.’ They said to him, ‘Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?’ He said to them, ‘For your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another, commits adultery.’”

Some argue that the phrase, “except on the ground of unchastity,” constitutes an “exception clause” that allows for divorce and remarriage in cases where one or both spouses commits adultery. But this is a misreading of the text. The Greek word here for unchastity, “porneia,” refers to sexual unlawfulness in which two “spouses” are not validly married (cf. John 4:17-18), though they live as if they were. In such cases, to separate and then marry someone else would not constitute adultery, since the two parties were not really married to begin with.

 

[tgerlinger143]

In the meantime, the Church is not recognizing the union between myself and my second wife. We have chosen to live together as brother and sister until the Church hands down a decision.

Should the decision go against an annulment, we will continue to live together as brother and sister. If we fail to do that, my wife is cut off from communion and lives in mortal sin. I will not be allowed to join the Church as I will be living in mortal sin myself. That option is unpallatable to both her and myself. Should the annulment be granted, then we will get married in the Church and then live together as husband and wife.

That is the position of the Church. As we are both practising faith now, it is also our decision to abide by the rules of the Church. It is better to do so for the short time that we are on earth, than be damned for eternity. But each has to make their own choices.​

Hello!
I am in the same position as yours. I am Catholic, divorced from my first husband and now married civilly to my husband who is Protestant. I was a lapsed and very liberal Catholic for a long time, and while married to my second husband (now going on 18 years), I did not even think there was anything wrong with being sexually intimate with my husband and then going to Holy Communion whenever I did make it to Sunday Mass.

Four years ago, I had a powerful re-conversion. I was led back to our Catholic faith, and received the grace of obedience to all the teachings of our Church. I had confessed my sins of many years of adultery and unworthy Communion. And at about the same time, both my husband and I inexplicably I lost our sexual urge, even while we continued to more affectionate with one another. Looking back, I realize that it was the Holy Spirt at work in us. God is not only a God of love but also a God of order! He gave us the gift of celibacy! (Yes, we can pray to ask for this gift!) I never thought we would be peaceful about being celibate but we truly are. And now I receive Holy Communion daily with such a grateful and joyful heart!

I am just about to submit all the paperwork for the annulment of my first marriage, and I am surrendering this all to God’s Will. My husband and I are very happily married as we are right now, but I know that for us to truly surrender to God’s complete plan for us as family (we have one daughter), we need the sacramental blessings of Holy Matrimony.

Please pray for my husband and me, that He will grant this annulment, if it is His will – I will do the same for you and your wife. God bless you!

Terri

 

[utica]

In the meantime, the Church is not recognizing the union between myself and my second wife. We have chosen to live together as brother and sister until the Church hands down a decision.​

Hello!
I am in the same position as yours. I am Catholic, divorced from my first husband and now married civilly to my husband who is Protestant…

I had confessed my sins of many years of adultery and unworthy Communion. And at about the same time, both my husband and I inexplicably I lost our sexual urge, even while we continued to more affectionate with one another. Looking back, I realize that it was the Holy Spirt at work in us.

My wife and I have made the same decision as the two of you. Please keep us in your prayers.