Divorce, annulment & not breaking my vows

[c_smith]

My spouse of 16 years wants a divorce and eventually an annulment. I feel that we can work through it all. We have three beautiful children. We both have spoken to our priest and it has felt that he sides with her. She does not want anything to do with me even sitting with me and our children at mass. Our priest has told me to say goodbye to her and let her be on her way. He has even told me to respect her wishes about mass. I feel I have a right to be at mass with our children. There are many trust and communication issues we both have that I know we can get through. I do not want to break my vows to my wife. My question is do I or should I go along with there wishes of not attending mass with her and our children? Also, can she get an annulment with out me?

 

[IrishAm]

Also, can she get an annulment with out me?

Short answer, “yes.”

Longer answer, an annulment isn’t something a person “gets.” It isn’t some kind of “Catholic divorce.” It is a determination by the appropriate tribunal that, based on the facts before them, a marriage was or was not sacramental from the beginning. One party to the marriage can refuse to participate in the process, but that will not keep the tribunal from moving forward in a determination. On the other hand, BOTH parties can participate and desire a statement of nullity and the tribunal can determine that the marriage was indeed valid and sacramental.

I’m sorry for the pain you are in and hope you are able to find peace within your marriage and within your heart.

 

[Corki]

Also, can she get an annulment with out me?

First of all, the process is one of investigating the bond to determine if a sacramental marriage validly happened. You could chose not to participate in the investigation and the tribunal would try to make a determination based on the facts it is able to gather.

However, your spouse cannot exclude you from the process. It is your right to defend the bond. You will be asked to provide statements and possibly witnesses.

Just keep in mind that the tribunal is investigating what was happening at the time of the marriage. What happened during the marriage is less important except that it may be evidence of problems that existed at the time you were married.