divorce

  • Thread starter Thread starter bonga_scrobie
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Like everyone else has said, your best bet is to get an annulment and hopefully the church will see things your way.
 
Warrior1979 said:
It is my understanding that God intended it to be indissoluable by man.
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A marriage which has not been consummated is valid but not ratified. Such marriages can be dissolved.
If a valid marriage is consummated then it cannot be dissolved.
 
thistle said:
A marriage which has not been consummated is valid but not ratified. Such marriages can be dissolved.
If a valid marriage is consummated then it cannot be dissolved.
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That wasn’t my point. I don’t believe that God ordained that marriages cannot be dissolved by God.
 
bonga_scrobie said:
my ex wife divorced me not the other way around, why should the church punish me for her actions?
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FWIW, I’ve been there. My cheating ex-wife left me after spending all my money. While it is not easy to do, focus on the future, and not the past; it is not your fault. I was quickly able to overcome my grief by doing so.

As far as “punishing” by the Church goes, the Church isn’t intending to do so. I have to admit though that the hoops they make one go through to get an annulment make one feel that way.
 
Warrior1979 said:
FWIW, I’ve been there. My cheating ex-wife left me after spending all my money. While it is not easy to do, focus on the future, and not the past; it is not your fault. I was quickly able to overcome my grief by doing so.

As far as “punishing” by the Church goes, the Church isn’t intending to do so. I have to admit though that the hoops they make one go through to get an annulment make one feel that way.
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I think part of focusing on the future includes forgiving - still referring to her as my cheating ex-wife does not seem indicative of forgiveness. Granted it is a process and we all go through it but we should seek to do this as part of this process.
 
joanofarc2008 said:
I think part of focusing on the future includes forgiving - still referring to her as my cheating ex-wife does not seem indicative of forgiveness. Granted it is a process and we all go through it but we should seek to do this as part of this process.
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The act of forgiveness begins when one asks for forgiveness, otherwise it is meaningless.
 
Warrior1979 said:
The act of forgiveness begins when one asks for forgiveness, otherwise it is meaningless.
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That is not correct. God and his Church expects you to forgive unconditionally. It does not depend on your ex-wife asking for forgiveness. You are required to forgive even if she never asks for your forgiveness.
 
thistle said:
That is not correct. God and his Church expects you to forgive unconditionally.
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The Church also requires me to go to Confession.
It does not depend on your ex-wife asking for forgiveness. You are required to forgive even if she never asks for your forgiveness.
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Forgiveness loses meaning when it is simply tossed around every time someone might have wronged you.

Fact is, in my case, I don’t see where forgiveness comes in. I couldn’t care less what happened, nor do I hold any grudges, nor does the ex care. Focusing on possible wrongs is incredibly destructive to one’s healing process. Quite frankly, I am thankful for what happened, since it lead me to where I am now. That’s what the OP should realize…what happened is part of God’s plan, and He’ll lead you to where you were meant to be.
 
bonga_scrobie said:
thats exactly right i havent even looked for someone else
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I see that the thread has drifted away from your original reason for posting.

I will pray for you, but no, my dear friend, the Church is not punishing you. What She is doing is holding you to YOUR word.

Somewhere in the marriage vows you freely took, you stood before witnesses and said “…forsaking all others till death do us part”. You, not the Church, promised to remain married until death. You, not the Church, promised not to attempt to remarry (“forsaking all others”) until your spouse was dead.

I apologize if this sounds harsh, it is not meant to be. I know it is painful but the first step in healing is to stop blaming the Church for something She did not do. Look in the mirror and then, with God’s help and prayer, decide how you are going to move forward with your life.
 
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