Divorce?

[AnnBeth]

I have three bright and healthy children. We have adequate or more that adequate economic resourses. I have much reason to be thankful. I love my husband but he does not love me. He told me that he wants a divorce and I prayed for help and (literally) begged him to reconsider and so far he has but his indifference alternates with his open hostility. I don’t believe in divorce but this feels so pathetic. What should I do?

 

[newf]

I don’t recommend begging…it’s a turn off…but I do recommend being kind and considerate. Ignore the fact that he doesn’t love you. That’s his problem. Be a good mom to your children. And PRAY…God will see you through this.

 

[canne]

:twocents: No begging.
Prepare for the worst, knowing you have a sufficiency of grace.

Is he involved with someone? anticipates involvement? why does he want to leave? Dont ask him, just prepare emotionally and spiritually.

Prepare to be “perfect” knowing you have a sufficency of grace.

Do and be everything the Bible prescribes for your role in marriage. You cannot control his actions. Show your mate respect, kindness and consideration whether he deserves it or not.

Prepare to be rejected, knowing you have a suffiecency of grace. Show your husband love whether he responds in kind or not.

• Make a committment to save your marriage if that is your intention.
• When your husband withholds his love, trust the Lord to meet your needs.
• honor, love your husband, even if his actions do not merit it.
• live one day at a time
• Dont try to do it alone-God is with you.
• Spend as much time in God word as possible
• Do not separate, encourage your husband to stay in the home. Do not give him a divorce, do what you can to delay or prevent it.
• Hope all things, believe all things, endure all things. Read the book of Hosea in the old testament.

Go to your christian book store and get
Love life for every married couple by Ed Wheat, M.D.

for inspiration read about Blessed Elisabeth Canori Mora
catholicmoms.com/modules.php?name=Content&pa=showpage&pid=14

That book mentioned above and The Lord saved mine.

I’ll pray for yours.

:twocents:

 

[SemperJase]

I agree with not begging anymore.

Assuming your wedding was composed of the traditional vows, have you reminded him of the committment he made? Men respond to duty. He might not “love” you in the warm and fuzzy sense. So what? He committed to a marriage with you. A real man will have the integrity to keep his commitment. It is his responsibility to keep that committment to you and your children. Remind him of that in a dignified way. And if he mentions child support and alimony, remind him those aren’t keeping his promise.

Even if he still leaves you have put the situation in the right perspective. This is him not holding to his committment.

 

[Island_Oak]

Given your husband’s indifference and/or hostility towards you, I’m guessing this is not a recent development but a situation which has deteriorated over time. You really need a third party to facilitate communication. Have you tried counseling? If your husband refuses, get thee to an attorney quickly. While you can hope, pray and role play at being the loving wife (but please, no more begging) your husband sounds like he already has one foot out the door. The appropriate and smart response as a mother of three is not to bury you head in the sand now and hope things get better.

That said–in the spirit of protecting you from someone who obviously is not operating out of your or the kids’ best interests–I am so sorry for what must be a horribly painful time.

 

[canne]

Island Oak:

Given your husband’s indifference and/or hostility towards you, I’m guessing this is not a recent development but a situation which has deteriorated over time. You really need a third party to facilitate communication. Have you tried counseling? If your husband refuses, get thee to an attorney quickly. While you can hope, pray and role play at being the loving wife (but please, no more begging) your husband sounds like he already has one foot out the door. The appropriate and smart response as a mother of three is not to bury you head in the sand now and hope things get better.

That said–in the spirit of protecting you from someone who obviously is not operating out of your or the kids’ best interests–I am so sorry for what must be a horribly painful time.

I want to say that in all respect , I disagree. I believe the appropraite and smart response is to do whatever it takes to uphold your end of the marriage vow and commitment, you say you love him. I don’t consider that putting your head in the sand but taking positve proactive efforts to honor that commitment you made regardless as to what your spouse does. You can contact a lawyer and be sure to secure child support and spousal support in the event he indeed leaves the home but you do not have to initiate divorce proceedings. I may have read this post wrong but thats how I understood this response. Perhaps I am mistaken.

 

[AnnBeth]

Thank you very much for the advice and support. As it happens, our situation (I have been the primary breadwinner all along, husband recently returned to work after being at home parent) is such that I neither need (nor am likely to get) much child support. I know that the begging was pathetic and it has stopped but I did mention it to give an accurate picture of the situation.

 

[1ke]

AnnBeth:

Thank you very much for the advice and support. As it happens, our situation (I have been the primary breadwinner all along, husband recently returned to work after being at home parent) is such that I neither need (nor am likely to get) much child support. I know that the begging was pathetic and it has stopped but I did mention it to give an accurate picture of the situation.

Will he consider going to Catholic marriage counseling, Catholic Marriage Encounter, or Retrouvaille?

 

[Joe_Kelley]

I was once told by a priest, with some experience in the area, that when a man wants a divorce there is always another woman involved.

Of course, there is always an exception, but I have never encountered it.

 

[BioCatholic]

Joe Kelley:

I was once told by a priest, with some experience in the area, that when a man wants a divorce there is always another woman involved.

Of course, there is always an exception, but I have never encountered it.

not true. there is no other woman in my life, and there is no force in the universe that could make me love or want to be with my wife again.

if you want to compare my “other woman” to my total and complete freedom, then yes, there is another woman in my life. and i love her dearly.

ever since i secured an ex parte order against her and she moved 400 miles away, my life has become exponentially better.

but there has been no other female in my life to make me feel that way or make me not want to take my wife back.

and to the OP, you may not want to participate in the divorce proceedings, but a spouse can unilaterally sever the marriage. if you get a subpoena, then you will have to go to court or face contempt charges.

all you have to do is show up and tell the judge you dont want a divorce, and then he will go ahead and grant one to your husband anyway. otherwise, the divorce will be granted anyway and you will spend a small amount of time in jail.

 

[Anne_G]

As someone who went through something similar over 18 months ago, for the worse, my prayers are with you.
Marriage counselling could be worthwhile, perhaps even a trial separation with the hope of reconciliation, eg. live separately, but go out on dates like you did before you were married and try to capture what you had then.
If it does end in divorce, it is not the end of the world. In my case, my partner hated God or religion, so now I am able to practise my faith truly, where I couldn’t with him. The time and energy I put into keeping him happy I can now put to God, doing work for him. My partner caused me to have a breakdown (the final straw) and as a result I ended up in a pyschiatric ward for four months. Now I am starting up with a friend that I met in hospital, visiting the patients in that ward and other hospitals, and leaving a bible with them at the end. I also intend on doing lots of other things to help others and/or promote God. Very rewarding.
I have met a couple of male companions since my separation, obviously not allowed to be involved with, and I get from them the companionship that a male can offer.
Finally, I have my beautiful children with me always (I have 2 teenagers and a 2 year old). All the abuse and hosility is gone, and it is now so peaceful.
I do hope you can work things out with your husband, but if not, there is so much you can do to have a good (and single) life.