Divorced Friend Remarrying

[bjorn]

one of my coworkers is divorced and is planning on remarrying. her new fiance is a nice enough person and seems very obedient. she has a young daughter with her exhusband who she doesnt get along very well with. when she cant get him to do something she wants him to like dropping the daughter off somewhere she threatens to have her new fiance do it and that makes the ex so jealous that he does whatever she is asking. i feel like this might be confusing for her daughter and i want to say something but in a way that doesnt make her defensive. what should i say?

 

[bjorn]

one of my coworkers is divorced and is planning on remarrying. her new fiance is a nice enough person and seems very obedient. she has a young daughter with her exhusband who she doesnt get along very well with. when she cant get him to do something she wants him to like dropping the daughter off somewhere she threatens to have her new fiance do it and that makes the ex so jealous that he does whatever she is asking. i feel like this might be confusing for her daughter and i want to say something but in a way that doesnt make her defensive. what should i say?

 

[Rhoni10]

How old is the child? Maybe gently tell her to think of the child first and that they might remember this later.

 

[Hermione]

bjorn:

one of my coworkers is divorced and is planning on remarrying. her new fiance is a nice enough person and seems very obedient. she has a young daughter with her exhusband who she doesnt get along very well with. when she cant get him to do something she wants him to like dropping the daughter off somewhere she threatens to have her new fiance do it and that makes the ex so jealous that he does whatever she is asking. i feel like this might be confusing for her daughter and i want to say something but in a way that doesnt make her defensive. what should i say?

I think you should tell her that using her daughter in this way can scar her for life. Children of divorce are at a higher risk for mental problems, relationship problems, and others.

Tell her that her daughter deserves to have a relationship with her father. Say that girls who don’t end up seeking male attention elsewhere and end up being exploited by guys who want to use them for sex.

Tell her to put her dislike for her ex-husband aside and to think of her daugher’s best interests.

 

[La_Chiara]

I don’t disagree entirely with Hermione. But your friend’s ex-husband may need some prodding (although this does somewhat manipulative) to act like a father to his child. Maybe his ex-wife would not have to do this if he were more forthright and caring towards his daughter. Maybe his lack of attentiveness to his wife and daughter contributed to the divorce. In any case, you should probably confine yourself to a very few, very gentle suggestions. Criticizing your friend’s parenting and her behavior towards her ex-husband may cause friction in your friendship and do little to change her.

 

[cutecathchic]

La Chiara:

I don’t disagree entirely with Hermione. But your friend’s ex-husband may need some prodding (although this does somewhat manipulative) to act like a father to his child. Maybe his ex-wife would not have to do this if he were more forthright and caring towards his daughter. Maybe his lack of attentiveness to his wife and daughter contributed to the divorce. In any case, you should probably confine yourself to a very few, very gentle suggestions. Criticizing your friend’s parenting and her behavior towards her ex-husband may cause friction in your friendship and do little to change her.

it sounds to me like your friend is doing the best she can in a tough situation. maybe if women got a little more help from the men in their lives with childcare duties we wouldnt have to resort to these sort of tactics.

 

[CanonAlberic]

I’ve seen many women (and men) use nasty tactics when dealing with an “ex”. However, children should NEVER be used as pawns/bait to irritate and/or manipulate a former spouse. It’s just wrong, and the poor kid deserves better.

Peace.

 

[Island_Oak]

bjorn:

one of my coworkers is divorced and is planning on remarrying. her new fiance is a nice enough person and seems very obedient.

I can see where this observation would be taken as a compliment to a dog owner or horse trainer about their respective animals, but to an engaged man about his fiancee…?

she has a young daughter with her exhusband who she doesnt get along very well with. when she cant get him to do something she wants him to like dropping the daughter off somewhere she threatens to have her new fiance do it and that makes the ex so jealous that he does whatever she is asking. i feel like this might be confusing for her daughter and i want to say something but in a way that doesnt make her defensive. what should i say?

Make up your mind–is she obedient or manipulative?

 

[bjorn]

Island Oak:

I can see where this observation would be taken as a compliment to a dog owner or horse trainer about their respective animals, but to an engaged man about his fiancee…?

Make up your mind–is she obedient or manipulative?

read carefully i said her new fiance is very obedient

 

[deb1]

bjorn:

read carefully i said her new fiance is very obedient

Like the poster above the term obedient struck me, but I realized that bj was talking about the woman’s fiance. At the same time, I find something repellent about the fact that her fiance is obedient to her. Is she a control freak or one of those people who always believe that they are right?