Do Gay People Have to be Celibate in order to be Catholic?

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CorvusB

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Hello there! I’m new to these forums, so I apologize if I’ve placed this topic in the wrong categories. I’m a 19 year old woman who was raised in the Catholic Church. I stopped actively practicing the faith several years ago, after feeling ostracized due to my sexuality. I still feel fondness for the church and for God, but I would very much like to get married (to a woman) and be able to raise a family one day. Is it possible to do these things while still being a good Catholic? The thought of having to sacrifice love, companionship, and motherhood in exchange for spirituality is very depressing to me; I’d hope I don’t have to.

I’d appreciate it if everyone responds to this with respect, but do be honest with me. I ask this from a place of genuine curiosity and I hope we can all show each other civility while discussing this. Thanks!

Edit: I accidentally put “do gay people have to be chaste” instead of “do gay people have to be celibate”. Changed it to help avoid any further confusion. Sorry about that! I mix those two up a lot.
 
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CorvusB said:
The thought of having to sacrifice love, companionship, and motherhood in exchange for spirituality is very depressing to me;
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Depressing indeed. This is a difficult situation that the Church doesn’t really address well. I’m guessing that the recent sexuality crisis among clergy is wrapped up in this question as well. A long time gay member of the forum was recently banned, probably for arguing with the moderators, while pushing this question.

Anyway, an important thing to consider with this question is…how important is physical comfort and physical touch to you in regards to your ‘love language’? IMO, the more important it is, the harder a time you’ll have with chastity.

It’s not to difficult to find out what the Church’s positions are on this stuff. The difficult part is how to mesh that with your desire for companionship and wanting to be a mother.
 
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All Catholics are supposed to be chaste.

I think you mean do gay Catholics have to be celibate? Not necessarily. They can get married to someone of the opposite sex since marriage is predicated on the complimentary nature of male and female.
 
The Church teaches that one must chaste if one is not married. As the Church does not recognize same sex marriage as licit or possible, you must remain chaste.

Being a good Catholic means to be faithful to the teachings of the Catholic Church. I know this isn’t what you want to hear but it is truth. It is also not just for those with SSA. Any single Catholic must be chaste.
 
Chastity is also expected of married people.

Single people are supposed to be continent, that is abstaining from sex, while married people are supposed to be faithful to their spouse, having sex only with their spouse. Both are what you call chastity.

Chastity takes on different forms for married and single.
 
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I meant chaste to their state of life. I understand what Chastity means.
 
God does not make people gay. The first thing to realize here is that homosexuality is intrinsically disordered and not God’s plan for human sexuality. To identify as a “Gay Catholic” would be the same as to identify as a “Gluttonus Catholic” or a “Prideful Catholic.” Defining yourself by what sin you’re tempted by immediately sets you up with a mindset that is incompatible with the Faith. Rather, there are Catholics who struggle with same sex attraction or Catholics who struggle with gluttony and pride who are attempting to cooperate with God’s grace to overcome these sins.

The premise of your question assumes that people are created gay and therefore sets up a question that can’t be answered because it’s defining a person by their sin. If a person chooses to be defined by their sin and aren’t willing to repent of it, they will have a very difficult time trying to be Catholic. Repentance is a necessity of the faith. Without it, one can not cooperate with God’s Grace and receive salvation.

I’m sorry to be blunt and I understand this is a sensitive topic but I couldn’t find a way to answer this without being a direct as possible.
 
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We are all called to chastity according to our state in life, even us old straight married ladies 🙂

Take one step at a time, one hour at a time. We do not today need enough grace and strength to live the rest of our lives, and none of us know what will happen even an our from now, let alone next year or next decade.

God is faithful, He provides us the grace and strength as we need it. Stay close to Jesus and the Sacraments just for today, trusting Him about tomorrow.
 
Hah, whoops! You’re all very right; the word I was looking for was celibacy, not chastity. I get the two mixed up sometimes. Thank you for your answers. They’re not exactly what I hoped I would hear, but I appreciate the honesty. I’ve looked online and I know that most sites tell me that the church does not acknowledge gay unions as equal to marriage, but I was confused because I know many Catholics in my life that think otherwise. I was pretty young when I stopped engaging in the faith so I wasn’t sure if I had just interpreted some teachings incorrectly.
 
You’ve been given a great explanation here. But I want to add two things. 1) It doesnt matter one bit what many Catholics think. It matters what the Church teaches. The Church is not a public driven democracy and there are Truths God has revealed that cannot be changed ever. No matter what “many” think should be changed.
2. The happiest you can ever truly be is at home under the love and protection of God and his sacraments in His Church. Note that does NOT mean that you wont suffer and have a HUGE cross to bear, but God wills only holiness for you, regardless of what you think makes you happy on the flesh so to speak.
 
Yes, I’ve realized now what the church’s official stance on the issue is thanks to everyone’s answers. I figured that since I’m not technically a practicing Catholic as of now, that I should probably talk to people who are, but matters of sexuality are always awkward to bring up in person.

I guess this is something I’ll still have to spend a lot of time thinking about. I know I want to be closer to God but it hurts to know I’ll probably have to give up the future that I want for myself. Hopefully it’ll get easier as I get older.
 
I really can see your sincerity. And I think it is extremely mature and impressive.
 
All single people are called to chastity in their state in life— which would be continence.

It is not possible for those with same sex attraction to marry another person of the same sex.

I think making an appointment to talk one on one with your local pastor would be more helpful than posting on the forum.

Secular society makes it difficult to understand the truths of the Catholic Church and it can take some time to read, reflect, and discuss Church teaching to come to understand why God’s commandments on sexuality are the way they are.
 
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I suggest you reach out to Courage, a ministry to those in the Church with same sex attraction.

Perhaps you would feel more comfortable talking to peer support groups.
 
Thanks for the heads up about Courage, it looks like something that would be helpful for me. I figure it would do me some good to talk to a pastor face to face about this too, but the thought is still a little nerve wracking.
 
I acknowledged that. I was speaking to the single life and the OP’s situation. That all singles are called to be chaste regardless of sexual orientation.
 
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