My son was cremated this past week and now his non-Catholic father who lives in another state wants part of his ashes. What is the Church’s teaching on this?
I’m very sorry for your loss. I pray God will comfort and heal you and your son’s father.
As for Church teaching, the Church allows cremation but insists that scattering or dividing ashes is not a fit disposition of the human body. The human body should not be treated as the personal possession of anyone else, and certainly human cremains should not be squabbled over. If you cannot convince your son’s father to allow you to bury your son’s cremains whole and intact where you live, then I can only recommend that you give him all of the ashes. In return, you could stipulate that you want all of the ashes buried together, not scattered, and that you want to know the burial location so that you can arrange for a priest to bless the plot.
It will no doubt be difficult for you to entirely give up your son’s ashes to his father and to have your son’s burial site in another state, but you could take comfort in the fact that, if you must do so for the sake of your son’s human dignity, you will have demonstrated the kind of self-sacrificial love that is the hallmark of a true parent (cf. 1 Kings 3:16-28). God bless.
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