Do I Have Too High Standards?

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Ok, I have standards for the guy I will marry in the future (considering I’m 13), are they to high? Guys-please tell me what you think.

My standards for future husband:
Catholic-strong in faith, never had sex with another person
can live without tv (just a dvd player/vcr for exercising & some good movies)
exercises, healthy eater, doesn’t drink/do drugs…
wants a stay-at-home-mom/home schooling
a nice medium sized house with nice decor,
nice, sweet, caring, protective, romantic, won’t cheat on me, ect… at-home dates (you know nice dinner, some dancing, after once married) married at ruffly age 23-25ish also around my age.
has a good job, aim for heaven, prayer life…
Am I crazy for wanting this??? Are my standards to high???:confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:
 
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khkhk:
Ok, I have standards for the guy I will marry in the future (considering I’m 13), are they to high? Guys-please tell me what you think.

My standards for future husband:
Catholic-strong in faith
can live without tv (just a dvd player/vcr for exercising & some good movies)
exercises
wants a stay-at-home-mom/home schooling
a nice medium sized house with nice decor,
nice, sweet, caring, protective, romantic, won’t cheat on me, ect… at-home dates (you know nice dinner, some dancing, after once married) married at ruffly age 23-25ish also around my age.
has a good job, aim for heaven, prayer life…
Am I crazy for wanting this??? Are my standards to high???:confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:
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You forgot Christ-Centered,
Respectful to your needs,
Partner in raising the Children,
Partner in maintainnig the house and chores,
Someone who listens to you and acts upon YOU needs
Someone who will die to himself for you, puts his needs aside for you.

Sarah, I don’t think your standards are high enough.

NEVER COMPROMISE.

God Bless,
Davis
 
orthodox Catholic
virgin

That will narrow the field enough.

Scott
 
dhgray,
Ok, I haven’t thought that far… I’ll add to my list and take your advice, BUT HOW IN THE WORLD AM I TO FIND HIM???:confused:
 
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khkhk:
Ok, I have standards for the guy I will marry in the future (considering I’m 13), are they to high? Guys-please tell me what you think.

My standards for future husband:
Catholic-strong in faith, never had sex with another person
can live without tv (just a dvd player/vcr for exercising & some good movies)
exercises, healthy eater, doesn’t drink/do drugs…
wants a stay-at-home-mom/home schooling
a nice medium sized house with nice decor,
nice, sweet, caring, protective, romantic, won’t cheat on me, ect… at-home dates (you know nice dinner, some dancing, after once married) married at ruffly age 23-25ish also around my age.
has a good job, aim for heaven, prayer life…
Am I crazy for wanting this??? Are my standards to high???:confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:
Click to expand...
 
40.png
khkhk:
My standards for future husband:
Catholic-strong in faith, never had sex with another person
can live without tv (just a dvd player/vcr for exercising & some good movies)
Am I crazy for wanting this??? Are my standards to high???:confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:
Click to expand...
Well since you are 13 and have a few years yet to work on this goal of yours, your standards are great, the problem seems to be the tv, never had sex thing.
But there are a whole lot more chastity speakers out there today then years ago. There are also a whole lot more std’s out there then there used to be. So your chances in ten years are a little better.
The tv thing, ugh! how I dislike that box and so many children have been raised in front of it between watching videos dvd’s and video games, that is a little tougher.
But keep your standards, pray hard every day, there are a whole lot of great catholic home schooled boys out there who could possibly fill these standards.
So in todays world you don’t stand to bad of a chance. But I would start praying now and for your future children.
Keep the faith, fight the good fight and finish the race. God in his goodness will hear your prayer.
 
I’d say your standards are right on! My ideal dream woman has standards such as yours. I wish I were as insightful as you when I was 13… Unfortunately, being 13, you will have trouble finding a courting partner who fits your standards! We men aren’t exactly at our best when we’re teenagers. But don’t worry, we get a lot better at 18-21 or so. You’ll find him.
 
I’ve been told that only in the Reformed Faith will a man find a woman who wants what you described in a future husband. Well, now I know contrary to that!

Will your “ideal” husband find you still seeking the sacrament of marriage when you’re in your early 20’s, or will you forsake your personal standards here in a few years? A campus minister of mine would tell guys, “if you want to marry a queen, you must yourself be a king.” I’d say it goes both ways.

You’re standards are great. Keep yourself to similar standards, and pray for patience and prudence as that special guy “waits and searches” for you, that you may be found.
 
I think your standards are right on, but remember a couple of things:
  • God may have someone else in mind for you, and you need to be open to His will in your life. (Example: I know many wonderful couples who, one or the other in their youth was less than chaste or was involved with drugs, etc. God works miracles in everyone’s lives, and He may bring someone to you who has had a conversion in their lives. Just be open to that.)
  • As stated before, remember to keep the standards for your own behavior and choices just as high.
  • Love is a choice. Find someone who will choose to love you and stay with you no matter what.
  • If you’re not already doing so, pray for your future spouse. “Lord, I don’t know if you intend for me to marry, but if You do, please be preparing my future husband. Give him a heart of love for You and keep him from harm and serious sin. Help me to be open to Your will for my life.”
 
Become the young woman who the man of your dreams is looking for and you will find him. Concentrate on making yourself the best that you can be and when you are successful, the right man will find you. So go through your list of attributes and develop analogous attributes in yourself. God bless you. If you are this mature at 13, you are heading in the right direction.
 
I know dozens of boys…excuse me, I mean young men ;)…that are all of the wonderful things described in all the above posts. They are all homeschooled!! 🙂
 
Have you considered religious life?
I don’t mean that lightly. I have a daughter a year younger then you are with similar standards. Live as though you plan to enter a convent. Live as though you were already committed to God and allow HIM to chose your spouse.

Drop the material concerns (would you really NOT marry a medical student who matched everything else on your list but had no job and no “nice medium sized house with nice decor”?) God will provide what you NEED. The rest is nice, but should not be on your list of requirements. Would you turn down a husband like St Joseph because his home was a small apartment with ragged furniture and he had a modest job with and uncertain future?
-D
 
I think your standards are great. Bravo to you for knowing what you want! As others have mentioned, though, you may need to accept that the perfect man for you has had a conversion in his life, and therefore violated some of your standards at one point in time. As long as he repented and is leading a better life, don’t push him away just because he had a past. You may need to gently convince him on some other areas, like the TV, but if he truly loves you and God, he’ll be willing to give it a go.

Really, your standards can be boiled down to wanting to marry a truly Catholic guy. And they are out there. My best advice as for where to find them is to go to a orthodox Catholic university. Places like Franciscan University, Thomas Aquinas, U. Dallas, Ave Maria–they attract the type of person you are and that you want to marry. I had many friends at Franciscan who were there for their MRS. degree, and not so much their BA degree. And there is nothing wrong with that.
 
My best advice as for where to find them is to go to a orthodox Catholic university. Places like Franciscan University, Thomas Aquinas, U. Dallas, Ave Maria–they attract the type of person you are and that you want to marry. I had many friends at Franciscan who were there for their MRS. degree, and not so much their BA degree. And there is nothing wrong with that.

Ok, is there one or so in MN? I don’t think I want to live on campus… I know that he may have had a conversion but I meant that there would be no drugs or alcohol in my house…
but to all who have replied… THANK YOU!!!😃
 
Thank God my wife did not have these standards. I was not Catholic, she was. I was not a virgin, she was. I like beer, so does she. I don’t watch much TV, she does. She has made a better man of me.
 
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Lance:
Thank God my wife did not have these standards. I was not Catholic, she was. I was not a virgin, she was. I like beer, so does she. I don’t watch much TV, she does. She has made a better man of me.
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Well, I’ve always been that way too! Having standards I mean. 😃 😃 😃
 
A couple of comments from a 58-year-old geezer just coming into the Catholic church, but veteran of a 34-year marriage:

First, if you really intend to get married, then prepare yourself to be the best wife you can be. Many girls spend all their mental energy looking for Mr. Wonderful that they forget all about preparing themselves to become some guy’s Ms Wonderful.

Second, if the guy sort of falls short of your standards in some area, don’t marry him thinking you can change him. Too many girls get so caught up in falling in love with the idea of getting married that they lose sight of what it’s going to be like to stay married. They’re thinking of how they’re going to look walking up the aisle–will the decorations be right, will I stumble… And they’re thinking of what’s going to happen at the altar–will we get the words right, will I cry/faint/sneeze… And they’re thinking of the hymn, the music–will it go right, will the soloist make a mistake and mess it up… They come through the back door of the church thinking “Aisle…altar…hymn,” and then they see the guy standing up there at the front, and all of a sudden the spelling changes: “I’ll…alter…him!”

It won’t work. For some reason girls marry imperfect guys thinking that they (the guys) will change, and they don’t. And guys marry girls thinking that they (the girls) will never change, and they do! From your point of view, anything about the guy that’s an annoyance now will be multiplied 100 times after 10 years of marriage.

Finally, don’t even consider a mixed marriage, either with a non-Christian, a non-Catholic or a non-serious-Catholic. In every congregation I’ve been in (all Protestant up to now, but I’m sure there are similar stories at Sacred Heart here in town) there have been women who have married someone unlike themselves and were now bitterly regretting it.

But for right now, why not just enjoy being a kid?

DaveBj
 
Actually… as a 14 year old feller, I meet a lot of your standards… just that I wouldn’t want my childrent to be homeschooled. Plus, being a Notre Dame football fan, hopefully I could have the TV on Saturday afternoons… lol.
 
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Almeria:
I had many friends at Franciscan who were there for their MRS. degree, and not so much their BA degree. And there is nothing wrong with that.
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HAHAHA!! I got my MRS. degree at FUS. Got my BA there, too. 😉 Only my Mr. Right didn’t attend FUS, I just happened to meet him my first semester there and marry him before my last! I am glad I was open to God’s will in my life at the time instead of obsessing about my goals, my future, my plans, etc. Otherwise I would have missed out on being the very happy wife of a wonderful husband and a stay at home mom to a great four month old son.

And for the record, I didn’t go there looking for a husband. I went there to get a good, Catholic education. I managed to get it, too, and it wasn’t easy. I graduated cum laude with a BA in Biology and a minor in Chemistry. I made sure that I was fulfilling my obligations to God as a student first.

Great times, and there is NOTHING wrong with that!
 
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