Do I intervene on a child doing a novena to St Jude

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I need your opinions on this sad story, but I need to provide some background first so bear with me.

My ex-husband has suffered mental illness for many years. He has not worked in a few years, has a porn addiction, does not believe in God, lived with woman after woman, and finally after the last woman kicked him out, he disappeared all together.

This happened back in March on my son’s 8th birthday. Before his disappearing, he spent much time with the boys daily. He took care of them before and after school and the boys adore him (for the fun loving 10 yr that he acts like).

This man has not contacted the kids since March and has only emailed me 2 times with brief info. He has told me he moved out of town and is working on his problems. He does want to talk to the boys, but I am afraid of the ramifications on their emotions if he talks to them and then stops calling to fade away once again.

The boys are emotional train wrecks because of this. My 8yr old has developed an ulcerated stomach and the 11 yr refuses to talk of dad.

Since this whole thing, there has been a silver lining from God, in that we have all been moved closer to our faith. I make the boys attend weekly Adoration and we pray daily for dad, his health, and for conversion.

NOW FOR MY QUESTION…this week at Adoration, my 11yr old found a Novena to St. Jude sitting in the pew. He gave it to me and said he wanted to pray this for his Dad. Then my 8yr old decided he wanted say it also and pray that he could see his dad again.

I explained to them that while the Novena says it “has never been known to fail”, I discussed that God sometimes does not answer prayers the way we want them to be answered. I gave examples for them to understand.

Meanwhile, just yesterday, I received an email from my ex asking if he could call the boys. Nothing more, that’s all he said. Now I thought the timing of this to be odd.

MY QUESTION… Do I help out the novena by emailing my ex back and ask him to call them on the night the novena is supposed to end. If my ex follows through with this (questionable if he will) then the boys will be happy the novena worked and not disappointed.

OR DO I LEAVE THIS TO GOD? I would hate for them to not get the answer they are praying for – but God has a plan.

Thanks for your help - our hearts ache over this.
 
Novenas DO work. However, that does not mean that everything we ask for will always be grant but if one prayers with faith, God WILL address our concerns and make them better – maybe not in the way that we want or on our time schedule; but He WILL take care of it.
 
I think it should be left to God, however, isn’t it possible that this contact with you is an answer, or part of it. I think that if your ex wants to call your kids that you should let him unless you have other reasons for not doing so. It doesn’t have to be the last day of the novena, part of the answer to their prayers could come sooner. Also, maybe he won’t actually call until after the novena, you never know. Maybe the right thing to do is to give permission for him to call, and then wait to see what happens. Remember they are praying to see thir father, this might be a first step.
 
I think praying about it and leaving it to God is the better decesion.

God Bless
 
Jrabs,

I would definitely e-mail him and tell him you will allow him to call them. I wouldn’t specify when he must do so. Whether he does so before the end of the novena, the night it ends, or 6 weeks later, there is certainly the suggestion here that St Jude has interceded - for the boys’ sake, be thankful for that.

Many years,

Neil
 
Thank you all for your thoughts. I want to leave this to God to answer for the boys in His own way.

The timing of his email is interesting since it has been such a long time since his last one - liner email to me in June. I have never told him he could not contact the boys. That has been his own choice for whatever reason.

This is hard, but maybe the three of us are to learn the power of prayer.
 
Trying to set it up that he calls on the last day of the novena is playing with fire. The two boys are children, and as children, they are not as solidly grounded in reality as an adult is (or should be); and in doing so, you run the risk of convincing them that somehow, saying the prayer causes the result, which quickly leads to a feeling that the prayer gives them power over the problem; another way of saying it is that they control the situation through prayer (i.e., they control God); another way of saying it is that prayers are “magic”; if you just have the right formula, and you say it just the right way, and make just the right promises, you will get the results you wish.

Let go and let God.

And as an aside, if you do not have the boys in couneling, get them there. They need help from an independent, third party.

I went through a divorce, not by choice. I knew of a forensic child psychologist (I believe she was either Jewish or agnostic), who really had her head screwed on straight, and she was tremendously helpful to my daughters.
 
Dear friend

Never play with God.

Do what you would have done had your children never started saying this prayer and you had received this email from you ex husband. I suppose you would have contacted him and said yes you can make contact with your children and simply leave it at that.

I hope this works out and he does contact your children. I will keep you all in my prayers. Try not to wory dear friend.

God Bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa
 
Thank you all so much for taking your time to help me out. I will let it be with God. In HIs hands.

I do pray very hard for my ex, for he is sick both mentally and spiritually. We pray as a family for him too. I pray that he will have a conversion and softening of his heart and be freed from the evils that have held him tightly for so many years.
 
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jrabs:
My ex-husband has suffered mental illness for many years. He has not worked in a few years, has a porn addiction, does not believe in God, lived with woman after woman, and finally after the last woman kicked him out, he disappeared all together. . . .The boys are emotional train wrecks because of this. My 8yr old has developed an ulcerated stomach and the 11 yr refuses to talk of dad.
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I’m afraid this may sound impertinent, but I don’t mean it that way. (My brother is going through a similar situation with his ex-wife who has psych problems). If interaction with the father causes so much pain for your kids, why keep putting them in the middle of it? (Or conversely, why keep allowing your ex back into the family?) It sounds like any benefit is dwarfed by the problems caused by having this person as their “father.” Why not just tell the ex “no contact until you clean up your act”?

Peace,
 
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jrabs:
I need your opinions on this sad story, but I need to provide some background first so bear with me.

My ex-husband has suffered mental illness for many years. He has not worked in a few years, has a porn addiction, does not believe in God, lived with woman after woman, and finally after the last woman kicked him out, he disappeared all together.

This happened back in March on my son’s 8th birthday. Before his disappearing, he spent much time with the boys daily. He took care of them before and after school and the boys adore him (for the fun loving 10 yr that he acts like).

This man has not contacted the kids since March and has only emailed me 2 times with brief info. He has told me he moved out of town and is working on his problems. He does want to talk to the boys, but I am afraid of the ramifications on their emotions if he talks to them and then stops calling to fade away once again.

The boys are emotional train wrecks because of this. My 8yr old has developed an ulcerated stomach and the 11 yr refuses to talk of dad.

Since this whole thing, there has been a silver lining from God, in that we have all been moved closer to our faith. I make the boys attend weekly Adoration and we pray daily for dad, his health, and for conversion.

NOW FOR MY QUESTION…this week at Adoration, my 11yr old found a Novena to St. Jude sitting in the pew. He gave it to me and said he wanted to pray this for his Dad. Then my 8yr old decided he wanted say it also and pray that he could see his dad again.

I explained to them that while the Novena says it “has never been known to fail”, I discussed that God sometimes does not answer prayers the way we want them to be answered. I gave examples for them to understand.

Meanwhile, just yesterday, I received an email from my ex asking if he could call the boys. Nothing more, that’s all he said. Now I thought the timing of this to be odd.

MY QUESTION… Do I help out the novena by emailing my ex back and ask him to call them on the night the novena is supposed to end. If my ex follows through with this (questionable if he will) then the boys will be happy the novena worked and not disappointed.

OR DO I LEAVE THIS TO GOD? I would hate for them to not get the answer they are praying for – but God has a plan.

Thanks for your help - our hearts ache over this.
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CAN’T YOU SEE? God is working through YOU to help out your children. GOD HELPS THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES. Go and call him and give the answer yes!
 
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