Do things get worse before they get better?

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Ok, lately I have been trying to change some habits because I can see how it is God’s will and these habits are not charitable. They aren’t major things but little things that I believe need to be address. The problem is, ever since I have been trying to make efforts, I feel like I am worse than before I even though I should break the habit.

For example (and this is just an example to make the point). Let’s say I am always 10 minutes late. Well, I have been conscious of that and I try to organize and plan my time better to be there 5 minutes early. Well next thing you know, I am now always 20 minutes late.

Has anyone ever had the experience of trying to do better only to do worse at first? And if yes, how did you push through to the other side?

I know a psychologist would say ‘quit stressing yourself out, that is what is making you late’ but I want more of a Godly opinion

Thanks
 
I need to go find the book, but I remember reading an account of a man who desired to pray for an hour a day. His will was there, but his emotions (and imagination) ran wild during his first attempts to pray. He spent more time disciplining his emotions than actually praying.

He perservered in devoting an hour to prayer. Eventually, he noticed his emotions falling in line with his will, and it was the first of many wonderful prayer experiences for him.

Another thought, some psychologists also say it takes a minimum of 27 days to develop a new habit/routine/thought pattern.

So, yes, it can get worse before it gets better. Being aware of the thing you’d like to change is 1/2 the battle, so you’re already 1/2 way there!
 
Ellyakamommy said:
I need to go find the book, but I remember reading an account of a man who desired to pray for an hour a day. His will was there, but his emotions (and imagination) ran wild during his first attempts to pray. He spent more time disciplining his emotions than actually praying.
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Yes, please if you can find the book name that would be great. My library may have it
Ellyakamommy said:
So, yes, it can get worse before it gets better. Being aware of the thing you’d like to change is 1/2 the battle, so you’re already 1/2 way there!
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Well… If wish I could go back to being unaware. 😉 It seems like the battle will be so uphill and I am putting my foot in my mouth so often every since I have been trying to change, I am getting humiliated by my ‘faux pas’

Thanks
 
Yes, it can definitely get worse before it gets better. Some say when you’re onto something good, Satan’s cronies will jump in and try to trip you up. He doesn’t want you to please the Lord. I believe this is a definite possibility.

Or it could be a test to see if you really mean to change.

So, keep at it! If it’s something you need to change so your heart will be more charitable, then you’re doing the right thing. And if it’s a test, then you’re also doing the right thing, and you’ll pass the test.

Good luck!
 
Yeah, that happens a lot to me.

Maybe its your subconscious mind clinging to the bad behavior. Maybe it’s just God making sure you’re* really *sick of the behavior so you will stop it.

It will pass.
 
cmscms said:
Ok, lately I have been trying to change some habits because I can see how it is God’s will and these habits are not charitable. They aren’t major things but little things that I believe need to be address. The problem is, ever since I have been trying to make efforts, I feel like I am worse than before I even though I should break the habit.

For example (and this is just an example to make the point). Let’s say I am always 10 minutes late. Well, I have been conscious of that and I try to organize and plan my time better to be there 5 minutes early. Well next thing you know, I am now always 20 minutes late.

Has anyone ever had the experience of trying to do better only to do worse at first? And if yes, how did you push through to the other side?

I know a psychologist would say ‘quit stressing yourself out, that is what is making you late’ but I want more of a Godly opinion

Thanks
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I have become aware of things that were not the best of behavior by having such actions done to me. Some though not all were necessarily habits, but usually actions that were in response to others, etc.

Most actions of mine, I found I felt justified. Until that justification has been dispelled, it will be a never ending battle. Yes, you may as well “quit stressing yourself out” until you have convinced yourself that it is wrong, or that it hurts others, or it does not represent the person you wish to display, etc.

The fact that you are trying to cease these actions, or habits, you become more aware of them as soon as you do them, so it will seem that they are getting worse. Before, it was a habit and you probably did it many times without even being aware that you did such.

Immediately, ask for forgiveness should it be a sin (not all questionable habits are necessarily a sin), give thanks for the grace to recognize it, and ask that He continue to bless you with the grace in the future. This will become a habit, it is a better one.

Whatever you do, do not look to anyone else to pat you on the back! They will only remember the habit “you have” not that it is no longer there. 🤷

Blessings…
 
Perhaps things getting worse before they get better is because you’re guessing what a psycologist would say. An unhelpful one at that.

Your life won’t improve with sheer self will. You’ve posted wayyyy too many times your socially self-decrutive nature, I wont diagnose you, but a psyciatrist might. Actually, you might be better off with meds…take an edge off the problems you cause for yourself.

Look up Catholic Charities in your area if you cant afford a doctor. The real embarasment is not in going but that there is really something wrong and you’re trying to pull a “heal thyself” deal. You need help that we cannot provide even though you feel this is all “normal” life your reactions to it added together show that you need more than a forum
 
cmscms said:
Ok, lately I have been trying to change some habits because I can see how it is God’s will and these habits are not charitable. They aren’t major things but little things that I believe need to be address. The problem is, ever since I have been trying to make efforts, I feel like I am worse than before I even though I should break the habit.

For example (and this is just an example to make the point). Let’s say I am always 10 minutes late. Well, I have been conscious of that and I try to organize and plan my time better to be there 5 minutes early. Well next thing you know, I am now always 20 minutes late.

Has anyone ever had the experience of trying to do better only to do worse at first? And if yes, how did you push through to the other side?

I know a psychologist would say ‘quit stressing yourself out, that is what is making you late’ but I want more of a Godly opinion

Thanks
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You (name removed by moderator)rove to feel like you are better person, holier, so you feel good about yourself ?
Or you change because you wanna be a better friend to others, because you care about them and see that your behaviour is often causing you to feel misunderstood?

After my conversion I tried to be a better person, tried to be and seem like a very wonderful and balanced person. I think that since I stopped all these attempts I have gotten into lots less irritation with myself and gotten lots of less trouble with my surroundings. I have a calm and natural feeling of accepting myself.

So this might be the psychological answer, but it works for me… I guess I don’t have a spiritual answer, other than: be real. Humility and pateince with yourself will take you far in personal happiness.

If you are 10 minutes late… whats the fuss. Just stay 10 minutes longer in the other end of the work day. That will probably be the practical consequence that will solve this little problem.
 
Ellyakamommy said:
Another thought, some psychologists also say it takes a minimum of 27 days to develop a new habit/routine/thought pattern.
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We have a similar saying in education: It take 8 times to teach a child a new habit/routine/thought pattern before it is permanently ingrained. It takes 28 times to reteach an old habit/routine/thought pattern: 20 times to unteach the old and 8 times to teach the new the new.

Sounds like it is the same with adults.
 
GraceDK said:
You (name removed by moderator)rove to feel like you are better person, holier, so you feel good about yourself ?
Or you change because you wanna be a better friend to others, because you care about them and see that your behaviour is often causing you to feel misunderstood?

After my conversion I tried to be a better person, tried to be and seem like a very wonderful and balanced person. I think that since I stopped all these attempts I have gotten into lots less irritation with myself and gotten lots of less trouble with my surroundings. I have a calm and natural feeling of accepting myself.

So this might be the psychological answer, but it works for me… I guess I don’t have a spiritual answer, other than: be real. Humility and pateince with yourself will take you far in personal happiness.

If you are 10 minutes late… whats the fuss. Just stay 10 minutes longer in the other end of the work day. That will probably be the practical consequence that will solve this little problem.
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Thank you for your response. I mean this with all sincerity ‘What was the answer for you’. I am not sure I follow what you are trying to say

thanks
 
Sometimes it is a matter of our perception of things. For example, why is it that I always find what I’m looking for in the last place I searched? Your guessed it.

Just a thought.
 
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