Is a Catholic couple required to wait for marriage if both members of that couple are planning to take an extremely long time to start a family because of a need to finish their education or further their careers? Taking these opportunities would make it impossible to responsibly raise children, and so natural family planning would be used for at least three years before children could even be considered.
Anyone who is not ready for the possibility of children is not ready for marriage, and should not even be in a relationship that acts as a preparation for marriage. Marriage is not an official stamp on a romance that acts as a moral sanction for sexual relations between a couple. It is a vocation to the creation of a family, first between the couple and potentially with any children realized by the couple’s marital relations. If someone is not in a position to create a family, and discerns that it will be years before he or she could reach that position, then he or she should not be in a committed romantic relationship.
Please keep in mind two things:
I am not saying that such a person should not date at all. Casual dates that are intended as a form of socialization and interaction with the opposite sex are fine. These dates can prepare someone for a committed romantic relationship when the time is right to pursue it. What I am proposing is that such a person should not become involved in a “steady dating relationship” until he or she is ready for marriage. Any temptations to become involved prematurely should be rooted out immediately and the relationship ended before hearts become attached.
I am also not saying that natural family planning (NFP) has no place in a new marriage. Brief delays in starting a family may be necessary. Even if they are not, the charting involved with NFP is a solid exercise that can train a couple in self-control and can also assist them in achieving pregnancy when they are ready. What I am warning against is using NFP as a form of “Catholic contraception” that delays the possibility of a family either for a long period of time or indefinitely.
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