Do you believe your parents adequately prepared you for adulthood?

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AnneElizabeth

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I read this question on another message board and wanted to ask that here.

Do you believe your parents adequately prepared you for life? If not, how did you find the means to ‘fill in the blanks’ so to speak? What did it take for you to get where you are or what you needed?
 
not just no… but LOL no

In answer to your question, by spending as much time away from them as possible and being around emotionally healthy normal people. Also a lot of reading. I’m still not totally where I need to be but things are much much better than they were years ago.
 
By the way, I didn’t ask that question as a means of bashing parents… no way. I think I just wanted to see if the responses were the same as the other message board.
 
Yes and no.

Yes in the sense that they made it crystal clear I had to be responsible for myself…whatever I did.
They rarely bailed me out financially. If they did…I had to pay them back every penny with interest (my dad is an accountant and good at that kind of stuff)…suffice to say, I learned how to manage my money and be responsible when it came to paying bills, keeping a roof over my head and food on the table.

They did instill some moral values in me. I was well-behaved and respectful. I was expected to either be in school or working full time. I learned to be independent, how to balance a check book, how to cook and how to clean and keep a house nice and neat.

But…my parents dropped the ball, big time, when it came to instilling real moral values in me. Like, never let yourself be taken advantage of, especially by a man. Sex is meant for marriage and co-habitation is very wrong.
Not to mention that little, itty, bitty thing called Religion. That was skipped over and deemed not important. :rolleyes:

I’m so lucky I didn’t have any humiliating break ups with guys I lived with (the only guy I’ve ever lived with is my husband…but we moved in together before we were married). More, importantly…I didn’t end up pregnant with a past boyfriend. That would have been a disaster.
 
No. My mom had a pretty good start on it and then she died when I was 10. My dad had 2 young daughters to raise and he had lost his own mother when he was 8. He gave me what he could, but there were a lot of areas where he simply had no experience. And many areas that he could not talk to me about, such as boys/dating/sex, etc. He also stopped going to church and so did we. My sister got into a lot of trouble and that was tough for him, too.

He did give me the values of hard work and frugality - he grew up during the Great Depression and like all in his day, was thrifty all his life. He paid cash for everything or he didn’t buy it. But he thought that going to college was a waste of time, that you should just get a good job and go to work. It worked for him, but it would have been good to know I was eligible for scholarships before I blew my grades. Didn’t learn that until decades later. 😦

So the answer is, after all of that - No. I messed up a lot and really grew up by trial and error. Emphasis on the error.

😦
 
No, not at all. Fortunately I had a strong independent streak and lots of determination.
Ways I filled in the blanks - I always have had some older friends - even people my parents’ age when I was in my 20s. I did a lot of reading. Also, there was a lot of trial and error to fill in the blanks. It’s a continual work in process - probably still some missing pieces after many years.
 
Yes, in terms of giving me a good ground educationally, morally, and psychologically speaking.

No, in terms of practical things-- the value of a dollar, how to run a household.

I continue to grow. 🙂
 
While my parents were not perfect, they gave me everything I needed and made me the man I am today. My ma stayed at home with me and my sister so, we always had a loving, compassionate presence there. My da, even though he worked waaaaaaay too much, instilled in me the drive I have to provide for my family. I have been able to combine the two to develop my own identity.

Have I worked too much in the past? Yes. Have I been too understanding with people I shouldn’t have been? Yes. But, I would take my rearing over that of any other any day of the week.
 
Yes, absolutely. I was lucky to have the parents that I have (had, my mom is passed). They taught me the value of hard work, gave me a Catholic education, and inspired me to remain close to the church.
 
Like most, my answer has to be yes and no.
We started off right with going to Church every weekend but when we started going overseas again with my dad… well, it’s hard to find a Catholic church in SE Asia. 😃
Also, my parents would never discuss the family finances with the kids, so I grew up knowing NOTHING about how to run a household, balance a checkbook, etc. In fact, I remember my first telephone bill - I was so shocked that they listed the long distance calls individually, showing the phone number and everything. :eek: lol Ah, innocence…
Truthfully, I was scared to death when I first left home at age 19. My mom died 2 weeks later and my father and I, well, let’s just say I didn’t have a kind word for him for about a year after my mom’s death. I thank God we worked it all out because he was killed just 4 years after my mom died.
Then it took me about 20 years to finish growing up. Feeling sorry for myself took too much of my time for me to focus on maturing.
Yeah, my parents weren’t perfect but I know they loved me and I loved them. And I’m good now, thanks to God. 👍
 
In most things, yes they prepared me well even if it wasn’t always intentional. Growing up I followed my mom around the house as she cleaned and took care of things. I asked a lot of questions as to why she did things the way she did. I would get a simple answer. Now I am able to use those things in caring for my own home. At the same time I did the same with my dad. He spent his weekends working in the garage on a multitude of wood working projects. He too answered all of my questions. I know how to fix a lot of things around the house because of that.

At the same time I never asked about money. I didn’t understand taxes, or budgets until I was an adult with a job. They didn’t mean to leave those things out, I just never asked, so nothing was ever answered.

The one thing that was always ok growing up was asking questions. If the answer wasn’t known, my parents would help me look it up.

My father inadvertently gave me a push to my faith. My parents did not get along well, and I often didn’t feel safe at home or in school. At home, I often wondered if my mom was going to be alright. At school, no one believed me about my dad, and I was often made fun of for being eccentric/autistic. The only place I felt safe was in church. I remember pulling the crucifix off my wall in my room so that I could feel safe during some of the more heated arguments.

There were a lot of things my parents could have done better. However, I firmly believe that all of those things made me who I am. I don’t blame them for any of it, even the worst of it. They did the best they could, and what they thought was right. I am very thankful for that.
 
I wish I’d had more instruction about managing finances. Not just how much money I have in the bank but how to balance a check book, how to invest, how to make a budget, etc. I’m glad that I found www.daveramsey.com early enough that I’ve turned my financial life around but having this information in my early twenties would have been very helpful!
 
I wasn’t raised in the faith so, unfortunately no, I was not adequately prepared… 😦

I know my parents love me tremendously, however, and I certainly do not hold this against them. Quite the opposite, I now have the opportunity to help save their souls by bringing to them into the Church that was established by God, Himself! 🙂
 
They prepared me by doing nothing for me and never being there for me- I learned it was sink or swim. And today they use my success as an excuse…see, you turned out fine.

I don’t speak to them anymore.
 
Along with everyone else who has responded, I say “yes and no”.
“Yes” as far as instilling values, personal accountability and responsibility, excellent Catholic educations, and very strong morals.

(Before I launch into the “No’s” it’s necessary to say that neither of my parents came from even remotely stable homes, themselves. My dad’s father, a horrible alcoholic, left them when he was 5 and his mother had to scrimp to support he and his brother. My mother’s parents were in their late 50’s when she was born, never intended to have children, nor did they WANT any, so they placed her in a convent to be cared for by the nuns and took her back when she was 12…very strange story.)

“No” as far as not exposing us to anything that WASN’T Catholic, not exposing us to the “real world” and what we’d be facing, being led to believe that emotions and feelings were only for the weak and simple minded, and that everyone should live like paupers because $$$ leads people away from God. “Higher education” wasn’t necessary and a waste of time and money.

They did their “parental duties” as far as providing the 7 of us with a roof over our heads, food, education and clothing…and that’s pretty much where it started and ended. I learned very early on that because of both of their backgrounds they didn’t KNOW any better and did the best they could based on what THEY experienced themselves as children…and felt they were doing a superb job as parents.

The ONLY reason any of us are sane is because we had each other. My folks were not bad people…they were just not “enlightened”. Lord knows it could have been much worse.
 
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